A few of you may recall a post of mine a couple months ago or so about the horrors of loving a song without knowing its title or performer, or having the first clue how to get hold of it, in which I offered a dukedom to anyone who could help me identify one such song. I described it as best I could, but I had very little hope of anyone figuring it out from what few identifying features I could convey in written words. But lo and behold, I discover one of those red "play" buttons attached to a new comment on that post, and guess what?
It wasn't the song.
But it was a sincere attempt to help out a fellow mogger, and apart from a date of release that didn't match, anyone who heard it would think it was the song I wrote about. In recognition of this truly moving act, and in partial compensation for the dukedom he showed no disappointment at having just barely missed, I have knighted this stouthearted patriot, and despite its unfortunate cadence, he should henceforth be referred to as Sir yummygatalover (all lower-case), a Knight of the zarpexian Empire. Oh; and his MOG is now, of course, officially zarpex-Endorsed™.
"So shines a good deed in a weary world," as one of my lifelong role models put it, in exactly the right tone of near-amazement.
He also said he quite enjoyed my song, and asked if I might share more music by the VWC (really; you can check it, for what little that means anymore). Since it seemed to help with "Mrs. Witherspoon" a bit, I'll include the lyrics here:
I really couldn't think of anything to say I guess it doesn't really matter anyway Some of my friends I'll never see again But that's okay It's better that way
'Cause I can never think of anything to do Because it hurts me, just like it hurts you But don't forget my lies Or whom I told them to
And it's not okay if you're unhappy Don't stare betrayal at me Ding dong, the doorbell rings But I don't hear a thing
For I have seen the elephant All else is irrelevant Rubbed my cheek on its cool gray skin, been Overcome by the smell of it I have won the lottery None of you bastards will bother me Ever again
And God knows I could fill up a book Just interpreting one of your looks Like the one that night in Salzburg When the mountains shook
But I can see you don't believe me And I'm tired from my flight I'll forgive you if you leave me But not tonight Not tonight
I am just as impatient as you With this hell we put each other through You know, you have standards, God has standards I once had them, too
And I curse this hope that springs eternal Now I'll go hide my journal "Time flies," the convict sighs But his bars are internal
And I have seen the elephant Drawn in by its elegance Dwarfed in stature Shamed in beauty Brushed aside in intelligence I have seen a family of five Taken alive
My Trusted MOGs
officially zarpex-Endorsed™
I'm going to get that tattooed across my face.
My Trusted MOGs
I'm afraid that would constitute a clear trademark infringement, Sturg. ; )
My Trusted MOGs
A most elegant and mordant song. Give us more.
My Trusted MOGs
Z, what a great tune.
I am sure you have been compared to Galaxie 500 and their other iteration Luna, so I won't go there.
Lately I have been cyber stalking you and the band. I guess cyber stalking isn't the right term, ..... more like researching.
I wish I could put my finger on the reason why I like certain songs, but I can't. I feel it has more to do with mood, atmospheric conditions, and body chemistry and less to do with song structure, rhythm, mordancy (hell, I am not exactly sure what that means).
yummy is an excellent pick for a trusted. Especially if you need a foil for some online tomfoolery.
My Trusted MOGs
Dear Heavens, ivy - that would be two requests for more - not less, but more - VWC in a single day? I mean - all kidding aside - that's like - the equivalent of The Beatles at Shea Stadium for the VWC. I think I'll put on shades and strut around the house...
Do please let me know what you find out, I am... : )
FUN FACTS:
1) "Seeing the elephant" was a commonly used expression in America during the mid-1800's, but had two entirely different meanings and derivations. In one of its connotations, it meant what today would be called catching gold fever: a person who had "seen the elephant" had decided to make the (then quite dangerous) trek across the country and join in the California Gold Rush, and in this case the figurative elephant stood for something that should have been obvious for quite a while. In its other usage, "seeing the elephant" meant knowing firsthand the horrors of battle. During the Civil War, it was impossible to explain to new conscripts what they were about to see, do, and subject themselves to - the experience was too appalling, literally, for words; it could only be seen. The elephant in this instance was borrowed from the old joke about three blind men encountering an elephant and trying to figure out what it was: one felt its trunk and said, "It's a hose!" Another felt its side and said "No; it's a big wall!" the third felt the stiff hairs at the end of its tail and said "No, no; it's a broom!" This "elephant" meant something that could only be seen as a whole to be understood. At the time I wrote this, I was living in Boston and wanted very much to move to San Francisco, so it was the "gold fever" meaning that I played on, or, more specifically, its implications of heading west to California!
2) Joan Baez supposedly liked this song a lot (my father, who is friends with her, played her the first VWC album, of which this is the closing track), and I'm told fairly reliably that she performed it live at a show in Sausalito or some town in Marin!
3) I sometimes think these are my finest lyrics. They're about a real girl, whom I had been going out with for six years, and - as you might have gathered - the relationship had lost something of its early vigor. And everyone who knows her who's heard the song always mentions how that line "Don't stare betrayal at me" could only possibly be about her. The "Salzburg" in the song is the one in Austria (not Tennessee), where we spent a week in the first couple months we went out. The mountains did not literally shake, but we did all anyone could!
4: "Mordant" means biting, and is often mistakenly used by stupid people to mean "morbid" (and ivylander showed no signs of misusing it) And while we're in the neighborhood, "parameters" means the information fed into something, such as the numbers fed into an algorithm or a computer program or what have you. It does NOT mean "constraints" or "limits," even though it sounds a lot like "perimeters"!
5: The contents of a Coke bottle gushed out, just as if someone had shaken it a moment before, when I opened it this afternoon. Much of it seems to have gotten into my laptop keyboard, and the keys on the left side especially are sticking!
My Trusted MOGs
I wish I had won the lottery. I really like this song.
Next you should post "Revolver" (it's my favorite). :)
My Trusted MOGs
Helen! You need only ask. I was actually considering subjecting "Revolver" to scrutiny today, but thought you might have attached it to your VWC post from - surely at least a year and a half ago now? Be that as it may; your least velleity is law in the zarpexian Empire.
COMING SOON: "Revolver"!
Oh; and another interesting fact about "The Elephant" I forgot to mention: the "family of five taken alive" refers to actual, flesh-and-blood elephants. I visited a wildlife preserve in South Africa about twenty years ago, where a family of five elephants had recently been brought (they were indigenous to the area, but had been driven out by hunting before the preserve was established). You can't just take one elephant and relocate it; they form tight family bonds, and an elephant separated from is family will die. We were told we probably wouldn't, but the group actually saw the "family of five" on one of our forays; you never saw such happy-looking creatures in all your life.
"Elephant" and "smell of it" was one of my less satisfying rhymes, but I sneaked it past quality control. Only now does the rhyme I needed pop into my head: development. Damn!
My Trusted MOGs
how intriguing - yummygatalover has been my best MOG buddy of late too! 3 cheers for yummyLove!
My Trusted MOGs
Another stellar composition - and are you the singer, or instrumentalist and, if so, which one?
My Trusted MOGs
molli! Indeed, three rousing, full-throated cheers for Sir yummygatalover, KzE!
derm, old bean! Normally I'd be on my knees weeping with joy to hear anyone speak of one of my songs as "another stellar composition" - well, that or maybe questioning their motives. But ah, you know, my success has been so meteoric and unprecedented... I believe that with your addition that makes a full four people who've directly expressed a fondness for this song. I mean, when you're a mega-celebrity on this kind of scale, you just have to be blasé about it. But to put myself to the distasteful business of answering yet another fan's questions, I played the piano on it, wrote it, and sang! There! Now can I PLEASE have some privacy!? WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME??
My Trusted MOGs
Add em up...Now at least 5 people directly expressing fondness for this song.
And seriously enjoying your witty humor here.
My Trusted MOGs
SunshineDaydream. Great handle. I mean, five? Come on. That just doesn't happen. Name like that, the first song ever in history that generated anything like this kind of mania? Nice try. You're dermahrk, having me on. Right? Or Cody?
Ladies and gentlemen, I have some news I'd like to share with you: WE HAVE BROKEN THE SIX BARRIER!
[Everyone looks at each other, hoping someone else will know what the hell "the six barrier" is. zarpex seems disappointed at the lack of enthusiasm, but quickly realizes he has simply explained himself poorly.]
Six was the maximum number of people I could ever get to like any zarpex post. No matter what I tried to adjust, no matter which knobs I fiddled with - longer, shorter, weirder, more conventional, less intellectual, less dumb - No matter what I pulled out of the arsenal, six was as many people as I could persuade to go to such wild lengths of expressing a degree of enjoyment as pressing a mouse button. That's over. It's like getting around Cape Horn. It's like submitting a golf scorecard under 100. Took a lot of effort and a long time. Might not seem like much, but we broke the existing record by over 15%! Everyone - I couldn't have done it without you. I'm not here just to be liked, as you all know, but it's a lot better than being hated, and it's a good feeling. [Bright smiles from around the room; a few people stand and lift their drinks. zarpex looks embarrassed, as if he has now inconvenienced his guests.] Aww, gang... Please no; just enjoy yourselves. I only wanted to share an occasion you might not have been aware of otherwise. [He lowers his head and backs out to let his guests enjoy the peaceful afternoon and a quiet sense of accomplishment unburdened by the awareness that they had been accomplishing anything. Party chat resumes.]
My Trusted MOGs
A proud accomplishment indeed. haha!
"You're dermahrk, having me on. Right? Or Cody?" Much mog love to both but your way off.
My Trusted MOGs
I've always been curious about what a virgin-whore complex might be. Does it have anything to do with Portnoy's Complex? Or is it something similar to the asexual hermaphrodite syndrome? I often heard myself musing...
Now I know it's beyond my tame imagination. It is like a black swan, majestic yet hardly conceivable until you've actually seen one. Thanks for put such a sight in my ears.
It'd be fun if someone would "exegesise" your lyrics. For instance: "Like the one that night in Salzburg When the mountains shook"
Mozart and cataclysm... What links the two?
My Trusted MOGs
I think you have the chops (your own songs,rapier wit, an ear for controversy) for double digit likes..you are bringing a lot to the table.
It's sad, like the chances of any new baseball pitcher achieving the 300 win plateau, beating the 84 like plateau at the top of the heap, seems impossible at this point. The posts move by way too fast. I'm willing to give it a shot here though.
My Trusted MOGs
Muse no longer, Bart old friend. The answer is no longer blowin' in the wind. It walks among men. L’État, c’est moi.
But Bart. Dude. Eight. I didn't think it possible. I mean, I'm The Beatles x Shakespeare x Tiger Woods. More than - more than - one in every billion human beings likes this post. It's zarpexmania. It's already beyond my control.
"The Virgin-Whore Complex" is, to strike the inevitable "more serious note," the alternative translation for a phrase in German I should know by now, usually rendered as the Madonna/Whore complex (Worthless for a number of reasons as a band name) which Freud distinguished as a prevalent disorder among men, characterized by worshipful devotion to to a woman they're attracted to, which immediately becomes disgust and hatred the instant he sleeps with her. Or so I'm told. I really must remember to get a degree in psychology when I have a few free hours. I've actually read Portnoy's Complaint and I can't remember what the hell it's supposed to be. Unfunny book...
And what links the two, Mozart and cataclysm? I can't just give these kinds of secrets out in public...
My Trusted MOGs
There ya go Z - DOUBLE DIGITS! We need more of this kind of fun! But, one question - or clarification - are "interesting facts" the same as "fun facts"? If misunderstood to be so, then the trip to South Africa could be regarded as fiction as it does not end with an exclamation point. I can understand, though, that in all this hyper-media attention the rules can be hard to remember...
My Trusted MOGs
Cody! Here I was thinking "Where the devil does Cody wander off when they're about to pop the champagne...?"
84? That's absurd. What did he post? Cold fusion? I have no time for such absurdities, Cody; I'm a star. I'm not even sure I'm allowed to talk to you anymore. I...
[his cellphone rings; he pulls it out, looking irritated, flips it open like he really should get someone to do these sorts of things for him.]
"Steven. WHAT?"
[turns to you, mouths the name Spielberg exaggeratedly while pointing at the phone.]
"Yachts? How big? In displacement, tonnage, length...? Yeah...? How many?"
[shakes his head, dissatisfied.]
"We're gonna need another three at least for my cat... FLORIDA!? Look, you washed-up parasite, Florida is peninsula. I said an island!!... Better!... Okay, warmer... Warmer... And what kind of role would I play?... Fine, but give him superpowers... I don't know, he can fly, he can cleave the planet to its nickel-iron core with a karate chop. Didn't I read somewhere that you used to have an imagination once...? Yeah, yeah, whatever. Get it done. Fast. We'll talk later."
[snaps the phone shut.]
I'm sorry, Cody. It's so impossible to get the most simple things. Sometimes you just have to use your influence a little, you know...
[goes on behaving like this for six hours, occasionally scooping full handfuls of caviar from an enormous silver tureen nearby, and spitting tiny bits of it on you as he throws his head back and laughs hysterically at his own jokes, two cartoonishly voluptuous prostitutes in his lap all the while...]
My Trusted MOGs
To get to the top of the charts you must ask a question, talk about MOG, and for heavens sake, don't talk about music (unless it is to ask who sucks). The most popular post about music was only liked 36 times
My Trusted MOGs
Scot! Scot!
[The room is by now beyond any hope of cleaning or repair; it will be necessary to burn it to the ground] He stumbles towards you, wearing only a pair of briefs made from the pelts of snow leopards. No lunatic asylum would even let him in the door.]
Scot! Remember me? It's your old pal! Remember? That post about... Uh... Whatever. You've got speed, right? On you, right? I need speed, right now. PLEASE...
[He loses his footing and falls into a particularly noisome pile of ordure and what might once have been some kind of very expensive hospital equipment, shattered into unrecognizable pieces, wailing pitifully. Lifts his head far enough from the filth to talk.]
You were my friend! I TRUSTED YOU!! I... No, no; I'm fine! Don't go! Don't go! See? I'm FINE. See? Remember that question!? Remember? About...
[Can't remember it at first.]
FUN FACTS! That was it! South Africa, something... It's like...
[the memory of it seems to restore a very, very weak handhold in reality]
Yeah! It was that old song... What was... "The Elephant!" Man those guys... That was... I remember! FUN FACTS were different from interesting facts. They were nuggets of truth that belonged to The Virgin-Whore Complex Incorporated. Only senior executives have access to that knowledge!
[He spots a knife somewhere in the stream of sewage at his feet. The handhold on reality has vanished; in its place is terror and the new realization that violence alone can save him. He approaches you, knowing this nightmare terrain better than you could ever hope to.]
You bastard... I trusted you... I trusted you...
FUN FACTS:
1: All FUN FACTS are true. There are things called facts, and some of those facts are interesting, but "interesting facts" is not some deeper layer of weirdness. Every damn word is true. All declarative statements are based on solid subjectively observed, reliably documented, or logically inescapable truth. But epistemologically, you can't really know that, of course.
My Trusted MOGs
Ooh. That didn't end in an exclamation point, did it? What did the disclaimer say to do again?
My Trusted MOGs
I'm sorry i've arrived late as usual. Obviously i'm talking to the management of Zarpex and would like you to please forward this message to him.
He left a note asking.. WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME?? Well i've decided almost immediately what it is i want. I want the purple coat/jacket that he has on in his avatar.
Before you to try to tell me it's navy blue please consult I AM on the matter. I'm sure he'll tell you the same thing...it's purple. Also let superstar Zee know the words he put up here are taken humbly as i really don't deserve them. I would say that most of the mogglers i've had the pleasure of trading a few words with would have done the same thing in a blink . Look at the people who have gathered around the mighty Zarpex's words and music! He attracts some of the goods ones i would venture to say. (and no.... i do not include myself in that last sentence)
Once again the songs you are putting up are all brilliant... very different ..but there is a familiarity to it all.
Does any of what i just said make sense?
Also Bartleby said It'd be fun if someone would "exegesise" your lyrics.: I agree with him because ...well... it's Bartleby. I would appreciate it if someone could tell me what "exegesise" means so i could know what i've stood up beside.
I google the word and get "The Catholic Church and Gay Adoption" Does this help any connecting Salzburg with the shaking mountains?
And the one last thing... can i just add an off topic remark?
My Trusted MOGs
Heads.
My Trusted MOGs
Sir yummygatalover, you missed the luncheon in your honor! And what in God's name is that you're wearing? This is a party honoring your ennoblement! Don't you... Never mind; take this comb. Just take it. The washroom is right through there; just do your hair and... Hmm... Just do your hair. Okay?
And if it were mine, I assure you I would gi... I would insist you put on that coat right away. It was actually a rental for a photo shoot.
Now. Exegesis means explanation, basically. And if the subject comes up, just say "Bartleby couldn't possibly study the Virgin-Whore Complex' lyrics that closely. He's too close to madness already." Got that? You'll look sophisticated and witty. And don't tell him I told you to say that, right? You're supposed to be noble tonight.
Where the devil did Cody go...?
My Trusted MOGs
I liked you better when you just strutted around the room wearing shades.
The song is still really very, very good though.
My Trusted MOGs
Mr. Am created a post to play heads or tails on in hopes of challenging the most commented on post record. I finished my champagne and went over there on the prompt from yummy. On the way I got involved in a political,racial,judicial discussion, and then I was sidetracked by the news of Albert Hoffman's death...
683 comments to reach the top of the charts...
My Trusted MOGs
Jonh! Thank God you're here. Just wander around the room saying funny things in an English accent, okay? The party's dying. We've got to class it up...
But I did think The Rise and Fall of zarpex would go over better. It seemed hysterical from the stage. I mean, not even the "WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME" bit?
My Trusted MOGs
You haven't stamped that dainty foot and shouted "WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME?" Well that's the star's dilemma isn't it? Not so self-involved that there isn't hope for bringing you back to the land of the sane. But also not so self-involved that it's clear that you're not a REAL star.
Do you mind if I just drain the half empty glasses? I don't want to impose.
My Trusted MOGs
[sighs heavily] Stopped at... Yep. Ten. I mean, still, though. Peaked early but high. Thanks, Jonh. Could you also, like, slip on a banana peel or something while you're up? Just look stupid for three seconds, once? That'd be great...
My Trusted MOGs
Look, I'm gonna go the store and get some more wine, and maybe a few bottles of something stronger . Jonh'll get on his phone and call a few folks, and you, Captain Fantastic™ need to wake these groupies up. I suggest old school hip hop,but whatever, 3 hours ago we we're partying like rock stars, but now, were like zombies in here.
My Trusted MOGs
Hey, we hit eleven!
Stupid computer keyboard... Okay; I've got to either give this up or switch to a lousy computer without my iTunes... Do they know this sort of suffering in the 3rd World? It's even in the mouse clicker now. How could it be spreading?
My Trusted MOGs
I got some friends to ride this baby to the top.
Let me pull some strings.
My Trusted MOGs
Wow insightful and brilliant!
Love the symmetry.
Mr. Am was busy flipping so he asked me to swing on by.
Kudos. Let get corned beef on rye. Little mustard maybe. Don't worry you'll love it (ring ring) Gotta take this call, it's Mr. Am.
My Trusted MOGs
Mr. Am called and said there was a party over here.
Hell yeah, bring the house down.
My Trusted MOGs
Capt. Z, here's some more booze, I'll be back tomorrow.
My Trusted MOGs
Okay, was just about to close shop when a funny thought occurred to me. Not about the song, but about the two meanings of the expression "seeing the elephant."
In the Gold Rush meaning, the elephant connotes something ANY IDIOT SHOULD HAVE SEEN!
In the Civil War meaning, the same thing connotes something IT'S A MIRACLE YOU SAW AND CAME OUT ALIVE!
I mean, come on; am I an English major or what...?
My Trusted MOGs
Excellent work, Z! But listen, have you been hitting the MOG again? You've been acting kinda weird.
My Trusted MOGs
(shuffles by with broom)..."I am sooo &*#^# tired of cleanig up after these prima-donnas. One of these days I'll hit that stage and (does a few Townshendesque air guitar spins, crumples in pain) *x%x#&#%# bursitis!! (gets back up...shuffles out with broom)
end act 1