You don’t want this lifestyle. Being stupidly happy and actually happy are completely different. All I have to offer you is a life of depravity; one where you won’t ever be truly happy again. I knew what it meant to be honestly happy. I don’t really know what happened.
How do I describe high school? I describe it as having once been great and full and rich, and now being dry and stale. It was beautiful. I was happy. And now I’m a shell of my former self. I should have protected my heart; never had friends as great as you people. If I’d never known, I wouldn’t miss it this fucking much. So how is high school? Lonely, happy, angry, excited, drunken, high, exagerrated, and bitter. The reality of my being so completely alone is sinking in. I just want to be loved or love something as much as I loved you guys those three years. You’re my childhood friends. The people I grew up with and always could count on. There isn’t any of that left anymore is there? That innocent and unabashed love we felt for each other; the brotherhood, and sisterhood, of people without pretense or bias. It’s all over and the reality is a bitch. We’ve drifted and floated down, like the leaves in fall. Time passed, indifferent. As indifferent as I’d been as I spent it this past summer. You were everything to me, and now I am unsure how to ever love again like that. I’m ranting and mad like a dog in heat. Horny for comfort and a warm body. I’ll take all the posters down from my walls and paint the sky on the ceiling. Ill encrust the walls with memories and dreams.
No, I think I’ll just lay here, and sleep. Sleep’s all I have left; the comforts of a temporary leave from the scathing emptiness of my existence, by simply being unconscious. It’s settling in, the exhaustion I feel emotionally and physically. There isn’t anything left but everything I didn’t really care about. I’ve been so stupid. You’ll grow to miss it when it’s all gone too…
listen to the fucking song.
My Trusted MOGs
I'm not gonna tell you all this will pass as I think deep down you know it. You will soon learn that being "alone" (a self-contained, self-sufficient, sentient biological unit) is the single most liberating realization you can achieve. You're correct, our existance is meaningless until we vest it with meaning. Nihilism is not only trendy, but very easy for the intellectually lazy/dishonest. Abraham Lincoln said that ..."people are about as happy as they decide to be." I have come to believe that its true.
Throughout your life you will make n lose friends. Its always a melancholy thing to lose track of friends, just as its always pleasant to encounter kindred spirits.
So look around you, shed the ballast, the bagage, the stuff you don't need. The future is a blank canvas, waiting for your vision, your view, your work of art.
My Trusted MOGs
i was pretty depressed when i wrote that. man-gina time-of-the-month moment. im sorry for polluting the internet with my bullshit.
my bad ya'll.