But now she's acting funny and I don't understand
If I ever find Jesus, I'm kicking His ass
She left me for Jesus and that just ain't fair
If I ever find Jesus, I'm kicking His ass
They must think that I'm stupid or I don't have a clue

At that freak in His sandals with His long pretty hair
She says that He's perfect, how could I compare?
She showed me a picture all I could do was stare
She left me for Jesus and that just ain't fair
She says I should find Him and I'll know peace at last
I think that she's found her some other man
Why last time we made love she even called out His name?
It coulda been Carlos or even Billy Ortez
If I ever find Jesus, I'm kicking His ass
I'll bet He's a commie or ever worse yet a Jew
She says that He's perfect, how could I compare?
While she prays for His troubles, she's forgot about mine
I'm a gonna get even, I can't handle the shame

She says that He's perfect, how could I compare?
She says I should find Him and I'll know peace at last
She's given up whiskey and ah taking up wine
He's gonna wish He was dead, Amen

But if I ever find Jesus

She says I should find Him and I'll know peace at last

She left me for Jesus and that just ain't fair