theApologist - Why 1998 Was Good for Your Sex Life

One of my newest semi-literary obsessions is a man named Chuck Klosterman. I've been reading his stuff for over a year, and I've found it to be so easy to read, so easy to relate to his personal narratives, that it feels almost guilty. His specialty is pop culture, which is, I suppose, why I tend to feel guilty, er, shallow, about enjoying some of his stuff. There is a decent Q&A about him here: http://www.mediabistro.com/articles/cache/a752.asp One recent column of Klosterman's focuses on a particular issue of SPIN that was published in the year 1998. He spins a narrative, as he is known to do, about how during the year in question he feels as though music didn't exist. That is, GOOD music didn't exist. He goes on to mention Marilyn Manson, who, in 1998, was at the top of his/their game, with “Mechanical Animals” and its' big single “the Dope Show’. Anyway, as is my custom, I read the aforementioned article whilst taking part deux of my bi-daily bowel movements. Generally I take great joy in relating, connecting and generally celebrating Klosterman’s witty insights. However, his recollection of that particular year in question did NOT agree with me at all. 1998 was interesting. It wasn’t a pretty year, that’s for sure. The Spice Girls were busy demolishing any semblance of feminism in the western world at the time and the Backstreet Boys were helping make a serious comeback for limp-dick boy band ditties that were expressly tailored to acquire baby-sitting money. Also, nu-metal bands like Limp Bizkit were making a serious blitzkrieg for hard-cock boy bands that played a bit louder.

And it all seemed like a joke.

I remember seeing the Spice Girls on the cover of Rolling Stone and thinking, “Jesus, this joke has gone far ENOUGH.” Whatever... I was 20. Naiveté is allowable at that age, yes?

But the joke had no audience. There was no one laughing. While Spice Girl fans were living in their Spice World and Backstreet Boys fans were soaking up the glory of the Backstreets, the rest of us were waiting for the punch line that… never… arrived.

Which brings me back to Marilyn Manson: MM was making a divergent turn at that point; from serial, dirty, pseudo-satanic shock rock to serial, slightly cleaner, Bowie-esque pseudo-Satanic shock rock. The difference being, as far as I can tell, was that MM was sporting a not-so-subtle package in his newly androgynous body sock. Anyhow, this all comes back to my inner monologue whilst reading my somewhat favorite author, Mr. Chuck Klosterman.

1998 wasn’t an awesome year either - but not obviously. Of course it would be hard to feel completely assured about a year that came AFTER 1997's “OK Computer”. I understand that.

But personally (and isn’t that how it usually is? – “Sure, 1990 SUCKED, but that was the year I discovered the Minutemen!”) I discovered music in 1998 that was so incredibly heavy, so different and new that I still listen with astonishment and dread to this day.

Case in point: sure I was enamored with the last proper album (and accompanying tour) of A Tribe Called Quest's “The Love Movement”, and there was 16 Horsepower’s' “Low Estate” bringing home the creepy bluegrass/deliverance vibe. There was also a strange band called 50 Tons of Black Terror with their “Demeter” that reminded me to fuck all and let the booze take over.

But in fairness, it wasn’t all sweet nothings on this, the other side of bubblegum. There was a LOT of pedestrian music going on: Tori Amos shat out “From the Choirgirl Hotel” like it was written in her sleep; the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion released “Acme” and all the critics creamed their jeans, even though the record itself was starkly populated with solid rock n roll; and Girls Against Boys put forth their one and only major label release, as well as their only real weak album, entitled, apropos for the times, “FreakOnica”.

But none of that mattered, even though all those records now reside on my hard drive.

I’ll tell you what mattered.

Jawbox released their final release/retrospective/live document “My Scrapbook of Fatal Accidents”, which included, thankfully, their impressive cover of the Buzzcocks’ “Airwaves Dream”. The ever-idiosyncratic Soul Coughing released their swan song, “El Oso”, which remains to be some of the best white boy funk that ever was recorded. The extremely underrated group Far released their “Water & Solutions” which ended up being way, way, way ahead of their time, and to this day, makes their influenced brethren such as The Used and Fall Out Boy and who knows who else look painfully transparent and one-dimensional.

That isn’t enough? Why is it I have to be the one to remind you that 1998 was the year that Jarvis Cocker released Pulp's “This is Hardcore”?? For shit’s sake, 1998 was the 12 month span that gave us the avant-pop that became the soundtrack for all of your future breakups... none other than Mercury Rev's “Deserter’s Songs”.

Okay, I understand: perhaps you’ve never heard of any of this.

But as I assure you that “Deserter's Songs” is both haunting and intimate and… FUCKING BRILLIANT, I will concede that it has absolutely nothing on the one record that was released during this year that my hero Klosterman decided to blank out on. In the year 1998 C.E., the best sex album ever was released.

And, no, that album is not something predictable like Barry White, or even something less predictable yet still delicious such as the Afghan Whigs’ “1965”. Oh no!

But if you have never heard the album of which I am about to reveal to you, you must, by any means necessary, you must, I say you MUST go buy this album, take it to your nearest lover and perform perfunctory sexual advances to its' serenading immediately.

1998 was the year that an album entitled “Mezzanine” was released by a group calling themselves Massive Attack. Massive Attack are the godfathers of trip-hop, and of course influenced those other secondary, yet quite worthy groups such as Portishead, Mono or even Sia.

“Mezzanine” is reason enough to reject Mr. Klosterman's assertion that 1998 is forgettable, even if it is for such a shallow motive as getting laid. Trust me: if it comes down to the Spice Girls versus Massive Attack, “Mezzanine” is getting laid tonight.