The Bluegrass Police

If there any any Bluegrass Police within the sound of my voice...

As we know, bluegrass is one of the few forms of music with a strict set of rules that are actively enforced. This may be because it was invented by one guy (I was trying to make a bluegrass family tree - but it got ridiculous quickly - just put Bill Monroe's Bluegrass Boys at the top and everyone else underneath). Or maybe it is because the majority of fans also play bluegrass. Or maybe because it was quickly co-opted by the NYC folk scene.

Whatever the cause, I've been trying to put together a list from what I've been able to find.

So here is what I have so far:

Instrumentation will consist of mandolin, guitar, fiddle, banjo, bass. Maybe dobro, maybe. Definitely no drums. And why is that piano in here? And dont walk up to the jam with a harmonica.

Band names will consist of one or more of the following

• the leader's proper name
• a geographical element (mountian, river, valley, creek, etc.)
• an adjective describing the geographical element
• band
• boys or girls (not both)
• yes, I know about The Seldom Scene and Third Time Out. Go away.

One microphone per band.

No suit, no shoes, no bluegrass.

No hippies. Do not say anything nice about The Grateful Dead.

Any murderer in a murder ballad should be punished by the end of the ballad.

No drinking during the Gospel songs.

Do not bring up "old weird America" its offensive.

No irony.

Anyone breaking the rules may be dismissed without expanation as follows, "That aint no part of Bluegrass, that aint no part of nothin."

You may compliment music that isnt Bluegrass with, "That isnt bluegrass, but its pretty good."

So what are the other Bluegrass rules?

Any if anyone actually has a family tree, send it my way.

<if there was a toungeincheek tag, I would use it>