the past month has been acutely out of focus.last month, my grandma ended up in the ICU and with only two hours notice i flew down to california to be with her. after a while, she seemed to be getting better and i was out of time off at work. so i ended up coming back home. two days later she died.through all of this, i was once again reminded of the power of music - and especially - the oddity of music that seems so inappropriate at the time.for many, many days, while she was in the hospital, it was painful to see her. she was quite ill and i spent at least 15 hours a day just standing next to her bed holding her hand, looking at monitors, hearing her breathe, smelling that distinct hospital smell. it was so painful to see her suffering but i did not want to cry in front of her. she had always been such a very strong woman, i thought that it was the right time to show her that she had helped to make me a strong woman too.and through all those days and hours of fending off the monster of all things sad there was a single song that would push the monster away and dry my eyes. and i don't even know the name of it. i don't even really know the lyrics either. and, in fact, i think i've only ever heard it two or three times. but i could easily recall how the melody went and since it's a decidedly un-sad song, it became my pillar of strength. it's a newish song by the cops, a local band that i love seeing live. so, with an almost scary kind of intensity, i would hum this incredibly catchy post-punk song and keep my shit together.i'm going to see the cops live tomorrow and i'm fairly certain they'll play that song.i can't help but wonder if i'll be the only person in the room hearing a sad song.