and sporks flew
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Artist:
I have met a few parents in my life. I will admit, I've never ever, ever, received any exclamation along the lines of "She's perfect for you, dear!" The adjectives unusual and peculiar certainly floated around a bit. The fathers, well, mostly they raised a glass of cognac or whiskey or brandy in my presence but it remains indeterminate if the glass was in fact raised to me. Little, though, prepared me for the mothers of my first, second, and one non-boyfriend.
On the first hand, I wore my best smile and pinkest shirt for a weekend lunch. She pulled her only boy away for a minute and whispered, "You know, I don't think she could do the dishes for dear life." On the second hand, I came to dinner with my sweetest handshake and orange. As her only boy walked her to the door after we drove them home, she said to him, "Well, she looks better in person but are you sure?" On the third, she found me drunk in his room way past midnight and admonished her only boy within earshot, "Is she who you left Xyz for?" (I went in to pee, actually, and found his records and stayed a while to listen.)
In contrast, my mother welcomed every boy I brought home and fattened him up, and constantly uttered, "I'll tell you, he's better than your sister's taste in men." What she really meant was my sister's prettier and should have been dating prettier boys.
Some months ago, my mother gets paranoid for a time that I am not returning her text messages, and the one person she thinks to call for help is my last ex-boyfriend, the one person I have probably sworn off the face of Earth, rather than any of my girl friends whose number she has. He tells her, "Don't worry, ma. I'm sure she's just out and about somewhere her phone's got no signal." (He was mostly right.) Mothers. I love her, anyway. She is 54 and single again, and for some strange reason she keeps attracting lawyers.
Ameagari (After Raining) by Katsuyuki Nishijima, woodblock
Locating MOG account...
Comments (17)
In my defense, I enjoy doing the dishes.
I am thinking it's a fine day as any for more movie music.
LOL!!! With writing like that, you should never _have to touch a dish. Love your stuff. But you knew that already.
Van
you are a little old for my man-to-be, but if he brings home someone of your style, talent, heart, and caliber, I will open my arms and welcome her fully.
....How on earth could anyone disparage our dear poebegone? Where are they? Often how we are treated has nothing to do with who we are, and everything to do with who they are.
...With your taste in music, your serrated wit & self-effacing yet confidant humor....you'd better not "settle" for just anyone. You must find one worthy.....(a little crazy would help too, LOL)
Another endearing hubris-free autobiographical post from you, who attracted sons that shared your sense of the absurd enough to repeat to you what their mothers had just confided to them about you. They, the three knuckleheads above me and I all are susceptible to the poebegone aura, which includes the musical oddities above as well.
They were clearly undeserving of a daughter-in-law like you. And if the boys were more concerned with their mothers' happiness than their own, they didn't deserve you either. I speak from bitter personal experience on this subject....
Knucklehead!? Did you say Knucklehead? Well I never......!
I've been meaning to tell you, but....
You like to wash dishes? Really? Well, to hell with your fierce intellect, elegant/whimsical writing, and impeccable/eclectic taste in music. They mean nothing by comparison. Clean the china and silverware, and you're a catch, baby! (Sidebar: Your use of the Mothersbaugh track from "Rushmore" was a minor bit of synchronicity, insofar as I've been pondering a post that would feature a certain Devo number. Now, it must be done!)
Van - Heheh. A friend of mine wondered if she perhaps ran a catering business, otherwise the dishes remark made little sense. I suppose she thought I was a spoiled brat, in which I almost took offense since I've led a very DIY lifestyle.
Amber - You are a cool mom. My mom's a cool mom and we're total best friends, just like I know you and Bella will always be. As for who your not-so-little boy and girl bring home to meet you and dad, I say there is no shame in screening them a bit. I do it for my favorite kids all the time.
Jeff - Quite possibly, I have survived on self-effacing wit all these years. Truth be known, all those boys (Two of them, an only child, so I grant the moms were being protective.) turned out to be worse psychos than I ever was. Thus, you're right, a little crazy wouldn't hurt.
Charles - Knucklehead-calling notwithstanding (;, you are a true master of subtleties. Those sons were indeed humorous enough to spill the beans on their mothers without hand-wringing involved. However, they turned out to be nice women in the end.
Bill - You know, I was bitter about the first incident for a while. When you're young and in love, meeting the parents kind of seems like a big deal. (To my relief, it became less so as I got older.) Mom #1 was stuck with me for five years and was sad when I left for good.
Mike - I don't know what freak of nature brought on my like of dishwashing but, yes, I even volunteer to do it all the time. However, I'm not sure I can operate a washing machine properly. ;D It isn't a certain Devo mega-hit, is it? You have me curious so now it must be done!
I'm fortunate that I haven't had to deal w/that phenomenon of dating in quite some time since my last two relationships had odd family/situational dynamics to them. So it's been since the mid '90s since I've had to deal w/potential in laws, thank goddess. But families aren't usually all that wonderful to deal w/anyway. As a friend of mine says 'People are the worst!'.
You know, it is fear of EXACTLY this kind of rejection that led me to keep my girlfriends away from my mother. When I called her to announce my engagement to Melissa, she actually complained that I was getting maried quickly so I could sow my oats. :$
Bah, parents! What do they know?
(Yeah, I know I'm going to hear this in a few years, but still...)
My parents never liked the girls I brought home, but then again, I was always searching on the dangerous side of the tracks. I don't think they had a chance unless they were filthy rich or worked overtime at the library every nite.
The more we like the boy, the quicker our middle daughter dumps him, so you learn to be a bit reserved. (and, she hides - literally - from dirty dishes)
Loving the movie-themed shorties...I didn't know filenames would accept those crazy equazionals. Just finished Morvern Callar and really liked it, thanks for the heads up!!
My oldest daughter works for an attorney - take it from me, there's nothing wrong with having access to cheap legal aid!!
Aug - Fortunately, too, the last time I had to deal with parents was in the early '00s. It was rather awkward because I kept putting it off until the mom had a medical emergency and I could no longer say no. So she was drugged up and in pain when I first met her.
Dale - Your mom sounds scary! It was my dad who terrorized the boys, until I was 19. One guy got off easy for having been a friend of a friend and neighbor. It was opportune he was the one I liked and was the closest thing to a high school boyfriend.
Scott - As Dale says, this is us in a few years. Your middle daughter, like I always knew, is a rebel. Spare time = free movies! I think my pupils are now extra dilated due to watching too many movies. I should remind my mom of the virtues of cheap legal aid.
There's no shame in doing dishes! I do most of them around here! It'll put hair on yer chest! err... I guess in your case that's not such a good thing eh?
On the flipside, wonderful tracks!! :-))
Eric - Nosiree, not at all. Will put hair on my chest?!? Man, did we really have to go there...? I now need to make a new memory to replace that last thought, fast! ;p