MOG

I recall the day; I was working at a mall in Hastings Records, San Antonio, Texas. It was the middle of the afternoon and I was all alone in the store. This used to be my favorite time of the day, if I was the only one there that meant I could pick the music. During those days we’d get stacks of promotional CD’s from the record label, music that they wanted us to push for in-store play. One of those discs was Little Earthquakes.

When I put on her CD, I remember vividly as soon as I heard the piano keys and she started to sing Tori stopped me and I stood there listening to every word. It was the middle of the afternoon, the kids were still at school, 9-5’ers were still bored at their cubicles while I was in the store discovering the music of Tori Amos.

She shook me. Even though Tori "Silent All These Years" was about her own life, I heard echoes of my own. You see since early adolescent I’d been cursed by what I like to call having this annoying stutter step. It tripped me up when I tried to talk to strangers. This is why I so connected to music. I didn’t have many close friends during my school age years. As Jim Morrison once sang, "Music is yr only friend," and he was right. The songs from The Beatles, The Doors a plethora of others were there and spoke for me when I could barely get a syllable out. At that moment, in our store, I heard my life flashing within her words in that song. "Sometimes I hear my voice/ and it's been here silent all these years." All it took was the first few minutes and I became a Tori Amos fan, por vida.

This is how it began. And this was a rarity for me. Up to that time you could say my music was more open to the male experience of things. You see I grew up with three brothers. I had very little contact with girls or women. They were this strange fascination that seemed universes away. I rarely ever went up and talked to one because the times I did, I would stutter, they would laugh, roll their eyes and walk away from me. It only took a few moments like that to shatter my confidence to speaking to the opposite sex. But still I yearned. I connected with singers who crooned love songs to their sirens.

All of this changed when I felt Little Earthquakes. You see Tori opened up the experience behind the mind of a woman. Forget Maxim, her music was a gateway to the thoughts, emotions and actions of the female universe. And the thing about Tori unlike some of mis amigos who had crushes on her. I didn’t see her as a sex object. To this day I still admire and respect her as an artist. Because of Tori, she opened up a new world of music. If it wasn’t for Little Earthquakes, I wouldn’t have discovered artists like PJ Harvey and Liz Phair.

For this I am thankful, but it didn’t just stop after Earthquakes. Amos went deeper on Under the Pink singing about religion on "God." I related to her troubles with organized beliefs. With every album my faith in Tori grew. Tori found the passion in her voice within her opus Boys for Pele. Choirgirl saw Tori in mourning exploring the dark side of her voices. Venus was her rebirth. Strange Little Girls was Tori’s exploration through the songs by men. Scarlett’s Walk had Tori rediscovering her roots in America. Beekeeper was the first album where I felt Tori was missing her spark. This was where she and I temporarily parted ways. We needed some space but luckily, a few years later, we reconnected on the very eccentric and electric American Doll Posse.

A few days ago, I went and picked up Tori’s box set A Piano Collection. From Earthquakes "Leather" "Past the Mission" tastes of "Sugar" and drips of "1,000 Oceans" up to rarities like Bachelorette, within this collection captures the essence of all that I have adored about Tori Amos.

Tori is someone who has sung about truth. This is something that most people refused to talk about let alone want coming out of their stereos. She sings about how it feels to hurt and betray someone else. How it feels to lose yr way and find your voice again. Tori is a true artist, someone who goes beyond gender, age or race to connect with her words. Amos songs help you recognize actions, thoughts and fears about yrself and yr own life but most of all they’ve helped me understand the mystery of women.

Not all of my past flames have understood Tori. Some have even loathed her. One girl I liked in New Orleans refused to listen to her because of her ex. Every time I brought up Tori to Cheri she seemed to share the story of her estranged husband who would lock himself in their bedroom and listen to Tori Amos all day long. He would eventually pack up his stuff and leave her without saying goodbye.

Another former girlfriend would only listen to Tori’s first few albums. Anything after Boys for Pele was considered crap to her. When I would try to bring up Chorigirl she refused to hear it.

Then there were the times when women that I had dated would quote Tori lyrics from "Precious Things" back to me. Even though it was supposed to be read as a slight I was flattered.

She was the soundtrack of my coming of age. I was a boy before I listened to Tori. Afterwards I was changed. One of my favorite memories is having Tori serenade a college flame and I as we would stay up all night. There was wine, laughter, shared whispers and Tori Amos playing past midnight.

The first time I saw Tori in concert was a first date with that same woman. I remember turning her on to Tori. This flame would come and visit me at the record store I worked in and I would recommend artists to her. One of them was Tori Amos. And the album she loved the most was Little Earthquakes.

I’ve actually seen Tori live five times, the most of any artist or band in my life, and all of those without her band. I’m a purist, I’ll listen to her with her backing band on album, but for me to truly experience Tori live you have to see her alone.

Tori has stood alone at a time when guitar and grunge ruled. Amos became the Queen who captured the hearts of a kingdom with her piano keys by moving all of us with her powerful voice. She was the spark that stirred me on "Silent All These Years" and is stronger than ever before. This is why Tori as an Icon. She came into fruition in the 1990’s and is still inspiring us today.

How my life would have been different if I’d chosen another disc other than Little Earthquakes that day at Hastings Records. The ripples from that moment have carried me all the way through today. And I have loved just about every moment that I’ve felt from opening up the keys behind the voice that this Tori. Even today, as I await the next chapter in the life of Amos, I am still discovering new insights in some of my favorite songs that I might have missed as a naive soul. And I'll still be here Tori. I hope this journey never ends.

And the story continues…