That sort of paranoia
You'll never con an honest John
Start eying the dog that he's minding by his side
Running the beats is just getting people's confidence
Just to pass an hour or so
The barmans mind will chime slowly for a while
Con-do-lee get conned
Is prepared solely for him, why should he?
And charge harder
Neighbor you won't con
Looking straight gutted a bit later on
And call to the bar to look after a dog for a dart
Neighbor you won't con an honest John
Tell him it's worth six-hundred quid
Last time I lied my manager swiped me
But it was worth more than his car
Get your mate, let's call your mate Piers
Anyway, get Farquhar to pass into a local bar
Get a nice dog that doesn't bark
Like I said, the barman will try and con you later
He's getting ready to accept
And like 'ching', the barman will five out of six times
Or in the event, the spread betting
(B)
(It's all one big con)
Now listen, get Farquhar to dart out the bar
You're gonna take all this man's money
I would go shopping 'cos I gave up drinking
(How does that work?
With an animal, and a life, from your local park
How to con someone using their own greed, 'B'
That you find and supply Farquhar
You'll never con an honest John
About how he's arsed up some chance
Kindly offer his greed to buy
Order a jar, when you've caught him slouched on his own
That you won't feel bad 'cos
And just shop for some garm's, maybe
If you were to accept finance at all
But whatever, just have Farquhar down the road
It's important that you keep listening)
Farquhar should start falling apart
He should order a jar, talk at the bar
Ensure he looks calm, warm with the barman
An honest John you can't drag down
'Cos he's gonna fucking deserve it
But not so nice that someone might
Con-do-lee get conned
They'll never imagine the whole scenario
Tell him, 'This is a very rare breed of animal'
And that this mutt is not the greatest of his worries
And you would pay handsomely
They're trying to con you anyway, and, 'C'
The dog for a price of three hundred quid
When they think they're the cunning one
You'll never con an honest John
Con-do-lee get conned
And that you man off his mark
Start asking the barman, if it's his fine specimen of a dog
(That's right, neighbor)
And after some bartering
Anyway, using this technique
Taking their money, as I have come to realize
Thinks he's working this scam
Can get you in the loony bin
Your barman will haggle
He might wipe the bar, as his mind is making sums
Now take all his shopping off him
Running the beats is
(The barman, is gonna see
In greed of the scent
And generally start conversating on
Farquhar should continue to moan about money
Someone who thinks they're conning you)
Neighbor you won't con an honest John
When they think they're the cunning one
(Keep listening though
And how arsed up his day was
No, not Piers, let's call him Farquhar
Currently vibe him and start on about the dog you own
'Cos' every time it's based around
An honest John you can't drag down
This, by the way, requires
(Sometimes)
When they think they're the cunning one
Miss this mutt from the park
(Exactly)
Anyway get Farquhar to crawl into a bar with his dog
But lie and tell him it's like a fucking
This scam only works 'cos that man
Just getting people's confidence
Nod, smile, agree, look interested and cool
But you're gonna take all his money
An honest John
An honest John you can't drag down
Red-eared hunting Spaniel
That his rent's not getting payed up
Get your mate Farquhar to pop in
Now you walk in the bar, walk up to the barman
Just for twenty quid for a while, claiming that he hated it
As I have come to realize
But you're not gonna care
Of the scheme in his head
When he tells you it's someone else's you've just left previous
How much he can stitch you up for)
And then taking their money
(Sometimes I think I should just go completely)
