No, not Piers, let's call him Farquhar
Get a nice dog that doesn't bark
And then taking their money
'Cos he's gonna fucking deserve it
Farquhar should start falling apart
Now you walk in the bar, walk up to the barman
An honest John you can't drag down
How to con someone using their own greed, 'B'
'Cos' every time it's based around
When they think they're the cunning one
Start asking the barman, if it's his fine specimen of a dog
Anyway, get Farquhar to pass into a local bar
But lie and tell him it's like a fucking
He might wipe the bar, as his mind is making sums
In greed of the scent
Now take all his shopping off him
I would go shopping 'cos I gave up drinking
And call to the bar to look after a dog for a dart
If you were to accept finance at all
Of the scheme in his head
Neighbor you won't con
But whatever, just have Farquhar down the road
That his rent's not getting payed up
(It's all one big con)
Get your mate Farquhar to pop in
Con-do-lee get conned
Just for twenty quid for a while, claiming that he hated it
He's getting ready to accept
Or in the event, the spread betting
Now listen, get Farquhar to dart out the bar
Your barman will haggle
Taking their money, as I have come to realize
About how he's arsed up some chance
The barmans mind will chime slowly for a while
And that you man off his mark
Con-do-lee get conned
Running the beats is just getting people's confidence
Neighbor you won't con an honest John
Just to pass an hour or so
And charge harder
Someone who thinks they're conning you)
Order a jar, when you've caught him slouched on his own
But not so nice that someone might
This, by the way, requires
You'll never con an honest John
You'll never con an honest John
This scam only works 'cos that man
(Exactly)
The dog for a price of three hundred quid
And just shop for some garm's, maybe
Get your mate, let's call your mate Piers
Thinks he's working this scam
But you're gonna take all his money
(B)
Looking straight gutted a bit later on
Tell him it's worth six-hundred quid
They'll never imagine the whole scenario
And after some bartering
(How does that work?
Neighbor you won't con an honest John
When they think they're the cunning one
An honest John you can't drag down
Farquhar should continue to moan about money
How much he can stitch you up for)
But it was worth more than his car
Can get you in the loony bin
(Sometimes I think I should just go completely)
Red-eared hunting Spaniel
And that this mutt is not the greatest of his worries
When he tells you it's someone else's you've just left previous
And you would pay handsomely
Ensure he looks calm, warm with the barman
As I have come to realize
Just getting people's confidence
They're trying to con you anyway, and, 'C'
With an animal, and a life, from your local park
Nod, smile, agree, look interested and cool
Last time I lied my manager swiped me
Is prepared solely for him, why should he?
Miss this mutt from the park
(The barman, is gonna see
That you won't feel bad 'cos
And generally start conversating on
Kindly offer his greed to buy
You'll never con an honest John
Currently vibe him and start on about the dog you own
It's important that you keep listening)
When they think they're the cunning one
Anyway, using this technique
You're gonna take all this man's money
(That's right, neighbor)
An honest John
That sort of paranoia
Tell him, 'This is a very rare breed of animal'
Anyway get Farquhar to crawl into a bar with his dog
He should order a jar, talk at the bar
Con-do-lee get conned
Running the beats is
But you're not gonna care
That you find and supply Farquhar
And how arsed up his day was
(Sometimes)
Like I said, the barman will try and con you later
An honest John you can't drag down
Start eying the dog that he's minding by his side
(Keep listening though
And like 'ching', the barman will five out of six times
