Hustler Hall of Fame

'Cause I just wanna drink and be left alone
Mickey Avalon, hustler hall of fame
I gotta girl who likes to talk my ear off, see
I rip the stick out my girl's Porsche Carrera
Mickey Avalon, hustler hall of fame
The bad guy, walking over landmines
There ain't no ball and chain to hold me down
That snuggle toothed sea hag, lips all blistered

There ain't no ball and chain to hold me down
Rocket boosters with my boots on
Thieves straight as they never been crooked rent-a-cops
I got a golden smile and a platinum frown
Free-range circus acts and worthless facts

Rats run the wire while I'm looking for a match
Shooting craps in the back of vacant city lots

I don't care about your kid or your menstrual pains
Storm the front line and then I find a spot for lunch

Mickey Avalon, hustler hall of fame

I ripped the rubber mats out your lover's pad
Dancing in my solar soggy bowl of dick and smack

Wild-eyed babies go crazy when I rock
I'm sick on the microphone like smallpox
Holds no better than this brother act
I turn off the ringer when my lady calls
There ain't no ball and chain to hold me down
I got a golden smile and a platinum frown
Then reach into my pocket and light a Pall Mall
Don't point your finger unless you want a brawl
Mickey Avalon, hustler hall of fame
I go back and forth just like a cameo song
That Mickey Avalon ain't no motherfuckin' amateur
Last night, a brass pipe and a flashlight

Don't ask for a smoke or to make some change
'Cause it's all the same when they call my name
Fist-fucking fagots at the White on gym mats

'Cause it's all the same when they call my name
Now rack the balls while I'm in the stall
I flow like an acrobat, go tell your manager
'Cause it's all the same when they call my name

So when I'm at the bar stay away from me
I got a golden smile and a platinum frown

So stay cool, mister, I wasn't lookin' at your sister
You can call me rude but I like my solitude
'Cause it's all the same when they call my name
Leave your gods and your politics back at home
Toxic-proof punch when the loot comes
What you know about Mickey? He's a bad motherfucker
Blind old ladies into diabetic shock
Underneath the tundra reach out for the Thundercats
I make 'em take a number, wake 'em from their slumber
Honeys wanna love me but the line is too long
And we don't need to chat while we're playing pool
I chalk up my cue and sink the eight ball
Pissin' out vodka and walkin' up the walls
Smashed my crown and left me down with a black eye
I fly flicks with my dick at your camera
Truckers get my digits off the stalls of rest stops
There ain't no ball and chain to hold me down
Mickey Avalon, hustler hall of fame
'Cause it's all the same when they call my name
Who can't die but still cried?
And kicked your mother's ass right in front of your dad
I brought your whole formula, just warmin' up

There ain't no ball and chain to hold me down
There ain't no ball and chain to hold me down
I got a golden smile and a platinum frown
I got a golden smile and a platinum frown
'Cause it's all the same when they call my name
Mickey Avalon, hustler hall of fame