I own so many jerseys I'm a throwback mess
'Cause every single is a smash, I'm hot as a camel's ass
I heard you masturbate a lot, so y'all keep to yourself
So I'ma trade my earrings in, and get a Ferrari
The competition never just wanna admit that they lost
I got kids actin' a fool from the traps to the burbs
But my trix ain't for kids, if you dig'um you'll get smacked
But no pork on my fork, I don't even speak pig latin
So I shot the tooth fairy and put my old teeth back
So by the time you figure out why your record ain't spinnin'
For a hefty fee, I'm on your record like Bob Costas
I put my foot so deep in yo' ass that you can smell it
One of Mini Me's shoes got more sole than you
And people think I'm bad, they say "Oh he's so Evil!"
But my album's out the store, yours be on the shelf
And that they last about as long as my part in the wash
I buy cars with straight cash, have meetings with Donald Trump
I hit the cleaners and tell 'em I want a full court press
Y'all meet with Honda, no payments for 12 months
I go fishin' on my lake, with yo' bitch as the bait
Take a look at yo' life, and no wonder you so sad
Like the NBA, you gotta play hard or go home
But a lot of y'all are mo' stuck up than tampons
I'm the man, I got money far as the eyes can see
So momma toast your glass while I'm countin' my cash
So much money in my jewelry that I'm damn near sorry
From yo' car to a crap game, no one rolls wit'chu
If God's line is busy you might have to two way him
So yippie kay yay, yippie yie yie yo
Or watch me swing my chain at the Roscoe's off Pico
And I'm in a group, I split dough with me, me and me
Now I roll up torpedoes, get blunted with rastas
I've been lookin for a woman just to put my stamp on
Got seven cars, get all my rims at Chrome Depot
And make government officials breathe harder than Darth Vader
The numba one chief rocka, clean out yo' rap lockers
I curse so much just to get on they nerves
Then catch me in your backyard, playin' croquet
And yo' breath will turn to Foot Locker water repellant
'Cause these women want a man that stay up and stay strong
I'll clock ya I'll spring forward, you fall back
That's cause I'm a shot caller, y'all fools is Crank Yankers
I take a shit on the equator, the size of a crater
If you can't swim, don't smoke my hydro
It's the chicken and the beer that makes Luda keep rappin'
Plus I eat many MC's, but I don't gain no weight
I'm as stiff as a board, y'all more shook than maracas
'Cause I go on blind dates, with actual blind people
My filthy mouth, it won't fight cavities or beat plaque
So stand clear of the long sideburns and goatee
To get chicks from Portland, Oregon to Portland, Maine
And when I'm drunk tell them kids, drugs are bad, mmm'kay?
They may the mold of the penis enlarger off me
Not to mention my refridgerator's taller than Shaq
All that shit that y'all talkin', y'all can pop it to them
I'll be in another room when I hit from the back
'Cause Ludacris'll beat you down with a prosthetic limb
I'm in the strip club smokin', with President Clinton
Ain't a damn thing changed but the ice on my chain
Every album that I drop has got more than ten bangers
So wash all ya sins away and stop playin'
