The Real Slim Shady

Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me
Please stand up, please stand up?
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too
But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee!"
All you other slim shadys are just imitating
"We ain't nothing but mammals", well, some of us cannibals
Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell his records
And put one of those fingers on each hand up?
'Coz I'm slim shady, yes I'm the real shady
And Dr. Dre said, nothing you idiots
And just might be the next best thing but not quite me
And I'm jerkin' but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working
With his windows down and his system up
Who dress like me, walk, talk and act like me

And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss"
I repeat will, The Real Slim Shady please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up?
All you other slim shadys are just imitating
'Coz I'm slim shady, yes I'm the real shady
But no worse, than what's goin' on in your parents' bedrooms
Who cuss like me, who just don't give a fuck like me
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control

I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me

He could be workin' at Burger King, spittin' on your onion rings
So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst

And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is

Guess there's a slim shady in all of us
And there's a million of us just like me
'Coz I'm slim shady, yes I'm the real shady
So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears?
Please stand up, please stand up?
So won't The Real Slim Shady please stand up
Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
The only difference is I got the balls to say it
And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?
Chigga chigga chigga, "Slim shady, I'm sick of him

So won't The Real Slim Shady please stand up

Pinchin' nurses asses when I'm jackin' off with jergens
All you other slim shadys are just imitating
They got the discovery channel don't they?
So won't The Real Slim Shady please stand up
Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?
All you other slim shadys are just imitating
So won't The Real Slim Shady please stand up
Who cut other people open like cantaloupes
Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement!
Please stand up, please stand up?
By the time they hit fourth grade
Of course they gonna know what intercourse is
So won't The Real Slim Shady please stand up
Feminist women love Eminem

All you other slim shadys are just imitating
It's the return of the, "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding
Please stand up, please stand up?
I'll be the only person in the nursin' home flirting
And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD
Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room
I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only givin' you
I'm slim shady, yes I'm the real shady

"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips
Look at him, walkin' around grabbin' his you-know-what
Will, The Real Slim Shady please stand up?
They first were divorce, throwin' her over furniture
Sometimes, I wanna get on T.V. and just let loose, but can't
I should download her audio on MP3
All you other slim shadys are just imitating
Please stand up, please stand up?
So won't The Real Slim Shady please stand up
Or in the parkin' lot, circling, screaming, "I don't give a fuck!"

Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
You little bitch, put me on blast on M.T.V
Better than ninety percent of you rappers out can
So won't The Real Slim Shady please stand up
Flippin' the you-know-who, yeah, but he's so cute though!"
In front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all
I just get on the mic and spit it
I'm slim shady, yes I'm the real shady
Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes

And whether you like to admit it, I just shit it
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
You think I give a damn about a Grammy?
We're gonna have a problem here

'Coz I'm slim shady, yes I'm the real shady
And started whoopin' her ass worse than before
Y'all act like you never seen a white person before
He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
'Coz I'm slim shady, yes I'm the real shady
Jaws all on the floor like Pam, like Tommy just burst in the door

All you other slim shadys are just imitating

And every single person is a slim shady lurkin'
"But slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"
Please stand up, please stand up?
So I have been sent here to destroy you
All you other slim shadys are just imitating
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums
So won't The Real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?

And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first
Ha ha
It's funny, 'cause at the rate I'm goin when I'm thirty
So, will the real shady please stand up?
'Coz I'm slim shady, yes I'm the real shady