Quoting from the scriptures with patriotic tears
She just looked at me, uncomprehendingly like cows at a passing train
Her fifteen minutes went by so fast
If dirt were dollars
I wouldn’t worry anymore", no
If dirt were dollars
I said, "I don’t see nothin'", he just glared at me and said
We got the bully pulpit and the poisoned pen
These days the buck stops nowhere, no one takes the blame
If dirt were dollars
They hear the phantom drummers and the nonexistent pipes
This brave new world, gone bad again
Or maybe it was Elvis, you know, they kinda look the same"
If dirt were dollars
She raised her little voice and testified
Hey, hey look out, Junior, you’re steppin’ on my bed
But evil is still evil in anybody’s name
We’d all be in the black
If dirt were dollars
Standing at attention wrapped in stars and stripes
But, sonny, I seen one thing that beats ’em all
But her virtue was as swollen as her pride
He said, "I been a lot of places and I seen a lot of things
She said, "I am a good girl, I’ve been one all my life"
If dirt were dollars
I wouldn’t worry anymore, no
"If dirt were dollars
We got a press no better than the public men
If dirt were dollars
Whistling past the graveyard, nothing can go wrong
Lookin’ like a beauty queen, loyal as a wife
I wouldn’t worry anymore, no
I was flyin’ back from Lubbock, I saw Jesus on the plane
I said, "Now, baby, have you got no shame?"
We got the same old men with the same old fears
If dirt were dollars
She should’ve had the Oscar, she must have been miscast
If dirt were dollars
If dirt were dollars
If dirt were dollars
If dirt were dollars
God’s finest little creatures looking brave and strong
If dirt were dollars
