Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
We all know that crap is king, give us dirty laundry
Just leave well enough alone, eat your dirty laundry
You know the boys in the newsroom got a running bet
We got the bubble headed bleach blonde who comes on at five
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
You don't really need to find out what's goin' on
She can tell you 'bout the plane crash with a gleam in her eye
When it's said and done we haven't told you a thing
Kick 'em when they're stiff, kick 'em all around
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Can we film the operation? Is the head dead yet?
You don't really want to know just how far it's gone
Kick 'em when they're stiff, kick 'em all around
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Get the widow on the set! We need dirty laundry
Come and whisper in my ear, give us dirty laundry
It's interesting when people die, give us dirty laundry
We got our dirty little fingers in everybody's pie
We love to cut you down to size, we love dirty laundry
People love it when you lose, they love dirty laundry
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em all around
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Dirty little secrets, dirty little lies
I just have to look good, I don't have to be clear
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
We can do "The Innuendo," we can dance and sing
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Well, I could've been an actor but I wound up here
