And knitting patterns to the high street queue
How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long?
But she made a fuss, they made apologies
When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long?
When the nation knew you'd had children
But everybody thought the show was funny
What I'm saying, Mary Long is
How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long?
And writes sermons in the Sunday Chronicle
Is more honest than your clean-up mind
It came as such a surprise
Mary Long, Mary Long, Mary Long, Mary Long
When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long?
What we do in full frontal view
When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long?
But you're a long way behind our times
When you can spare a minute
We really didn't know you'd had it in you
Mary Long, you're not alone
Mary told Johnny not to write such trash
Go find your friend, the porny Lord
Said it was a waste of public money
And then she draws titties on the khazy wall
Drowns kittens just to get a thrill
How you did it we can only surmise
She paints roses, even makes them smell good
How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long?
Selling filth from a corner shop
How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long?
When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long?
Dig your self a hole and jump in it
