My parents had to come off from vacation to get me
There was no way for me to avoid being grounded
She said, "Why?", I said, "Come on and take a ride with a helluva guy"
The next half hour was the same old thing
She was looking very good and so was I, I must say word
I thought I could get over, I tried to play sick
"If they were laughing you don't need 'em 'cause they're not good friends"
I'll just cruise it around the neighborhood
And I got my grip, I said, "Ah, Mom, Dad, how was your trip?"
We headed downtown to the Gallery Mall
There was nothing I could do, I tried to relax
But my mom said, no, no way, uh-uh, forget it
I picked up my car phone to perpetrate like I was talking
She put her hand on my knee, I put my foot on the gas
She said, "Was that for me?", I said, "Yeah"
She said, "How do I know you're not sick
She said, "What's wrong? This shirt cost twenty dollars"
Because they were pointing and whispering as I walked down the hall
I said, "This isn't Sha Na Na, come on Mom, I'm not Bowze
I said, "I don't have a license but I drive very well, officer"
She had opened up three buttons on her shirt so far
I'll just take it for a little spin
She wasn't really, everything stayed the same
I pulled up to the corner at the end of my block
Pay attention, here's the thick of the plot
I said, "C'mon toots, my name is the Prince
Mom, please put back the bell-bottom Brady Bunch trousers
My parents went away on a week's vacation
My mom started bugging with the clothes she chose
Come to find out the girl was a twelve-year-old runaway
So to you, all the kids all across the land, there's no need to argue
They didn't speak, I said, "I want to plead my case"
And to make this long story short, short
Well parents are the same no matter time nor place
I honked my horn just to get her attention
And then she lost her mind and did the ultimate
You should've seen this girl's bodily dimensions
She kicked her shoes off onto the floor
We almost got whiplash, I took off so fast
And when I walked into school, it was just as I thought
For the next six hours I tried to explain to my Mom
She said, "Drive fast, speed turns me on"
All hopped in the car
I said, "Mom, what are you doing, you're ruining my rep"
The kids were cracking up laughing at the clothes Mom bought
She agreed and we were on our way
She said, "You're only sixteen, you don't have a rep yet"
And those who weren't laughing still had a ball
I said, "Mom, let's put these clothes back, please"
So to you all the kids all across the land, take it form me
It was me, my brother, my mom, oh, my pop, and my little sister
We're doing ninety in my Mom's new Porsche
I got dressed up in those ancient artifacts
So to you all the kids all across the land, there's no need to argue
She said, "No, you go to school to learn not for a fashion show"
And that's when I saw this beautiful girlie girl walking
I almost had a heart attack that day
That I was gonna have to go through this about two-hundred more times
You gotta put back the double-knit reversible slacks"
I was arrested, the car was impounded
I asked her for Adidas and she bought me Zips
That was a hard ride home, I don't know how I survived
I got home and told my Mom how my day went, she said
You could be some deranged lunatic"
Parents just don't understand
My mother buying me clothes from 1963
We hit McDonald's, pulled into the drive
They took turns, one would beat me while the other one was driving
I said, "Mom, this shirt is plaid with a butterfly collar"
I'd rather be in jail than to have my father hit me
And maybe show it off to a couple of friends
My parents walked in
Inevitably the first day of school came
But if you don't want to I can live with that but
And this girl's hand was steadily moving up my thigh
Parents just don't understand
I guess that's why I didn't notice that police car
I remember one year, my mom took me school shopping
We ordered two Big Macs and two large fries with Cokes
When the cop pulled me over I was scared as hell
And they left the keys to the brand new Porsche
But my father just shoved me in the car by my face
The sun roof was open, the music was high
I can't believe it, I just made a mistake
Beside, would a lunatic have a Porsche like this?"
Well, maybe I shouldn't, yeah, of course I should
I didn't say nothing at first, I just turned up my nose
Okay, here's the situation
Would they mind? Umm, well, of course not
