She could really use something to kill that bug up her chimney
Maybe, I wasn’t good enough
Okay, let's make things real bright around here
“Lets see what you get from your old buddy Jack
I asked for a reason and turning his head
He threw all the stockings into the fireplace
What do you say we take this cute little angel
Just to brighten things up for you
With a big bowl of popcorn, watching TV
No point in having a tree as bright
“Merry Christmas to all and I hope I never see you again
But I’ll fix them all and play Santa this year”
Oh, she’s looking brighter already
Into your miserable little humdrum lives
They’d seen all his movies; He gives them the creeps
And an age may unfold air I fail to regret
As he made for his limo and bade his goodbye
Acting my guts out for you in that one
What could I do? What could I say?
And his voice, crying out as he faded from sight
Day in and day out, just trying as hard as he can
In hopes that St. Nicholson soon would be there
And his shirt was clawed to shreds by Shirley Maclaine
How about some gasoline for the whole thing?
No, not once, maybe old Jack just wasn’t that good
What would I wear on my feet Christmas day?
He had a fat face and a flabby beer belly
And ram her on the top branch, huh?
Then he brushed off the suit and said, “Honey, I’m home”
And middle-aged has-been’s with washed up careers
Spreading all that Christmas cheer
Picking up a little something for old Jack?
I’d cued up cuckoo’s nest with my trusty remote
From too many trips to the bar and the deli
That’s when I saw him: the man at the wheel
Down the chimney St. Nicholson came with a groan
When out in the yard, there arose such a noise
And I knew in a second it must be Jack Nick
Prizzi’s fricking honor, all for you, pal
You know, doing your little Christmas things
He screamed like a mad man and called them by name
Not good enough though, is it?
Pouring his heart out, giving it everything he’s got
What do you say we light her up and chuck her
“Why? You wanna know why?
Cuckoo’s nest, the shining, witches of fricking Eastwick
And a stiff drink for mommy in a nice tall glass
The children were lying awake without sleep
No, you want me to brighten up the Christmas season too?
He was wearing a trench coat, with beer it was stained
Isn’t that what you want, pal?
I only get calls to play weirdo’s and crazies
Through the old picture window here?
With a wink of his eye and a twist of his face
A hatchet for daddy", he reared back his head
I stretched, gave a yawn, settled back in my chair
He ranted and cursed, and waved round his swizzle stick
As all that without giving the neighbors
With all your little Christmas friends
There, aren’t you glad ole’ Jack stopped by
But the Los Angeles Lakers, and Pat Riley, their coach
And with that, he buried his head in the sack and said
A chance to see, don’t you think?
That I’ll always remember that devilish grin
Did you ever stop and think of
More rapid than the Celtics these Lakers they came
He said, “It's tough when an actor becomes fat and lazy
What do you say we decorate the tree?
I turned off the TV to see what it was
String up these pretty lights here
Did you ever think of good ole Jack for a second?
To scare all those little buggers upstairs in bed
To the part where he had all the nuts in the boat
But I swear by the goose bumps upon my skin
The limo was racing, the team at its heels
He looked straight at me and here’s what he said
Did you ever stop to think of what Jack might like for Christmas?
You know Jack from the movies up on the big screen
And what to my wandering eyes should approach
With those stupid Christmas songs?
Do you really wanna know why, pal? I’ll tell you why
I mean, let's make her just as bright as she can be
When you’re out Christmas shopping
The flames towered brightly in the cold, wintry sky
That visit from St. Nicholson, which I’d sooner forget
On Cooper, on Rambis and the rest of the team”
In the postman always rings twice
“Now Magic, now Worthy, now Scott and Kareem
To bring a tiny little bit of sunshine
