Chris Martin's Brain
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For what you are about to read, let me first preface by saying that I mean no offense to any fan of Coldplay's, and especially no offense to anybody who is religious on any level. This is strictly in jest to the artists across the pond that are rapidly cascading downwards on my list of likable artists.
From SPIN magazine:
"So, does Coldplay think Viva La Vida can save EMI? 'No, but it'll probably save the world,' Chris Martin deadpans. 'I don't want to blow my own trumpet, but I'd be surprised if it didn't put an end to all violence and suffering.' "
Kidding or not, this, combined with evidence that Coldplay steals other people's songs is one reason why about 85-90% of MOG loathes Mr. Martin's band. I for one cannot possibly hate a band with educational lyricism [thanks new MOG features!!] like: "lights will guide you home... and ignite your bones... And I will try to fix you."
First of all, thank you, Chris Martin and Coldplay, for trying to fix me because I am needing repair because "all those signs, I knew what they meant. Some things you can't invent. Some get made and some get sent, ooh." But secondly, and most importantly, I didn't even know that bones were flammable, but ignite them if you must.
Normally I wouldn't be all for burning my bones, but due to Martin's recent lyrical revelation in Coldplay's song '42' off of Viva La Vida, etc, etc, etc, "those who are dead... are not dead, they are just living in [Chris Martin's] head. Whoa. For serious??? Think about this, digest this concept, for a minute or two. Inside Chris Martin's head is purgatory... At first listen, knowing the write of the song, and at first guess, I would have assumed that it would be hell inside his head. But Martin continues in the song "you didn't make it to heaven but you made it close..." leading me to conclude that most people that go to hell don't make it close to heaven, so these people that are stuck in Chris Martin's noggin are f_cking stuck in the ultimate c_cktease of limbo... purgatory. Ouch. I mean, now that I know all of this, I can totally see it. Of all places that I could end up when I "die," Chris Martin's head could quite possibly be my last choice. But this brings up a larger issue. Martin is trapping many of our friends and family who we thought have moved on to a better place. He is trapping them in a prison where the only thing that is on TV is Bounce, where the only words echoing through the walls are "I swam across, I jumped across for you. Oh what a thing to do. 'Coz you were all yellow." And just when you think his soft voice might lull you to sleep... that's when Chris Martin reminds you that he used to f_cking rule the world, and he'll be damned if you get some rest on his watch [or whilst you are trapped inside his all-powerful brain] .
Who knew that Coldplay, and its lead singer were truly this powerful. While their music can "put an end to all violence and suffering," they can also suck your souls into an endless vortex of boredom and self-indulgent propaganda. Evil, it seems, has been incarnated in the form of 4 dudes who wear bright colored ribbons, possibly made from the flags of the nations they've conquered, on their arms and fingers.
By the way, and in all seriousness, RIP George Carlin. For your sake, I hope God Puts A Smile On Your Face and you weren't Swallowed In The Sea, having to Shiver in the Twisted Logic of Chris Martin's head .
Locating MOG account...
Comments (10)
Hahahahaha, great post and I was unaware Mr. Martin was going to save us all.
Is that picture Chris Martin being visited by the spirit of Johnny Cash?!? Heehee
Kev- thanks man... and now you know... and knowing... is half the battle [by the way what's the other half, I've always wondered]
Dale - well, Johnny lives in Chris' head now, so maybe he was jockeying for power and possessed Chris for a minute. If only we could have a few million more of those minutes.
oh...my.....goodness....hahaha, this was hilarious and yet all so true....the woman on the bus to work a few weeks ago screamed at me that i was going to purgatory...he's after me....i dont wanna die :(....
ahahhaahahhahaha you are marvelous!
I'll have whatever Martin is having....
You're an idiot.
ouch!
He could be talking to Chris Martin, for all we know ;P
No, I'm talking to the person who took this much time and effort to bash these musician's songs and albums; and from the sound of it, not put a single intelligent thought into criticizing them.
seriously [person with default MOG picture]?
So the opening paragraph on this post didn't forewarn you enough that this post was purely sarcasm? Honestly, I meant/mean no offense to anyone, but apparently you took it as such. This post was a joke, follow the other comments, people laughing... humor... laughter... it's the best medicine.
I don't hate Coldplay, but I do think that their lyrics are lacking any type of substance, which by your last comment about putting intelligence into this POST should maybe ring a bell? Perhaps? Just a little? Nothing about Coldplay is complex or challenging, which is why they appeal to the masses... which is why Viva La Vida... is one of the top 2 albums on iTunes... look at the others in the top 10. 2 words.... CAMP...ROCK... and to rub it in further... top 10 songs include your boys iTunes commercial hit "Viva La Vida" is among such intellectually stimulating artists such as Miley Cyrus, The Pussycat Dolls and the Jonas Bros.
I ain't knocking Coldplay's formula, in fact, I might even be a little jealous... because I don't have the curly coiffe that Chris Martin does nor do I have his chops... BUT... see this is what web 2.0 is all about son... knocking the artists that get the fame and attention we all want , right? [note: that's another example of sarcasm] It's all about freedom of speech... and more importantly, freedom of OPINION. At age 22, I thought Coldplay was pretty damn good. 7 years later, I think they are elementary and they represent commercialism more than art. So before you make it personal and say I'm an idiot, I suggest you throw out some of your opinions via your MOG page (as in make a post and/or install MOG-o-Matic) and let's see what you are putting down.
I've noticed this type of thing on YouTube too... people are so quick to negatively comment on others' content, yet they are too afraid to post anything original or, dare I say it, potentially controversial themselves.