i really don't know life at all
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moons and junes and ferris wheelsthe dizzy dancing way you feelas every fairy tale comes reali've looked at love that waybut now its just another showyou leave em laughing when you goand if you care, dont let them knowdon't give yourself awayi've looked at love from both sides nowfrom give and take, and still somehowit's loves illusions i recalli really dont know love at alli cannot stay here any longer. part of me feels like saying why, but i am not that person, i will not be that person. all i can say is that i have never been hurt quite like this before, not to this kind of depth. betrayal does not even begin to describe, and my stupidity is just glaring and ridiculous. i am a really good person who does not love easily and who does not trust easily, but when that is broken there is not much else to do but survive. and being here will make that impossible.if you are my friend outside of this community you can ask me if you want, i'm not sure i have the words to explain, though. if this seems confusing than at least know in your heart it is not you, because trust me, if it is you that is reading this - you know what you have done. i've never been shy about confrontation. i find myself to be rather honest, and possibly too open with my life. but this...i have no words. and i am hurt beyond words. it was all words anyway, suppose in that i was bloody stupid, too.i will miss this place, and some of the people i have come to think on as friends. if you are in that category i will try to contact you away from here...some of you i do not wish to lose contact with. i just cannot share anything else of myself here. this is not a mog issue, this is a me issue. someday i will understand the human condition. someday i might understand this kind of cruelty. today is not that day. and i have my heart to protect, and my life to live. i am too old to hurt in this way, but apparently i am not too old to be stupid, foolish, and tricked. be yourself no matter what. be honest with who you are. and yet, be cautious with who you trust your heart with. someday i may learn that.goodbye all.lucy.
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