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Artist:
Jeff Buckley & Elizabeth Fraser
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Track:
All Flowers In Time
today is rough and i feel incrediby raw. found myself in the bathroom stall crying, and this just is not who i am. and yet, it is me. this is not depression, but realization. the moments that hit fast and hard, the reflection of your choices and paths staring back at you. and, i realize here and now that i am not happy, that i am tremendously lonely, that i have been wearing a facade of
everything is okay, thanks for not asking.when you wake up to your life knowing that things are not working anymore it is hard to take those first steps forward, especially when you can see the bridge before you collapsing. there are things in life that we settle for, that we decide are enough when deep down we know they are not anything close to enough; maybe we just decide we don't deserve any better. and we make accomodations and excuses, we get so good at it that most days we believe our own propaganda. but, it only lasts for so long. dissatisfaction, hurt and loneliness only stay silent until they are just too big to be ignored.music is my solace, my oxygen, my words, my breath, my existance. and perhaps this is not the place for all this outpouring of emotion. i have half a mind to just exit stage left, and leave it all alone, let it be. i feel very vulnerable and terribly insecure right now, and those kind of emotions are not really made to be displayed in public. my heart really hurts right now, and maybe this is just my way of saying goodbye for awhile. i'm hurting too much to give anything of substance here, or anywhere.take care everyone. thanks for everything. in many ways this small space on the internet has changed a lot of my life, and who i am.lucy.
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