iTunes "customer reviews" make my head bleed...

Posted about 5 years ago

Artist:
- PLAY
The Distillers
Track:
- PLAY
- QUEUE
Drain The Blood

...it's like the antithesis of MOG. Whereas MOG, I've found, is a collective of people who like/love/have an investment in music, writing about same, the reviewers on iTunes (IN GENERAL, I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU, YET TO BE NAMED NAY-SAYER) don't actually 'like' music at all. What I mean is, there is a difference between A: acquiring albums, going to shows, listening to the radio, participating in a music-centered datablog, and having a general interest and enthusiasm for the art form we know as Music, etc., and B: having no semblance of an investment in the substance of the music, but still enjoying or pretending to enjoy the sonic experience of 'In da Club' at a party, 'Smoke Two Joints" while smoking two joints or 'Bump N' Grind' while...well, you get the picture...for the sake of social conformity, laziness, or ignornace. Music is naturally a great tool for creating a specific atmosphere, and those who enjoy music solely for it's atmospheric qualities are not polarized on the patchy spectrum I am trying to discuss. Certainly, one characteristic of the 'quasi-liker' is that they've never bought an album, and only own CD mixes (entitled 'super-cool mix' or 'john and jane [or whoever]: eternal love') that were given to them by ex-lovers whose desperate attempts to interest them with their own musical preferences fell on dead ears and are now broken and being used for a wall mosaic. For these people, music exists in a vacuum. On the other end of the spectrum, Moggers for example, music exists as a life element. Maybe that sounds elitist. Maybe someone like me represents all that is bad in the music universe. Maybe, but I hope not. I think I'm just easily agitated. Where was I now? I guess what I am trying to say is that a plethora of the reviews on iTunes are terrible, terribly written and wholly inaccurate. But that's just my opinion, right? Sure, you could say the same about album reviews found in any other medium, if one were so inclined. But I will venture that iTunes reviews are a breed of their own. Go, see for yourself. I know, I know, most of the review are written by elementary schoolers who have yet to develop a significant relationship with the art form, or have yet to identify the depths of their musical palette....but at the risk of sounding even more pretentious that I probably already do...here are some 'classic' customer reviews, verbatim: "This song is thight!!!..I like the part were u guys sing"Don't ya wish ur girlfriend was hot like me..." This song deserves a 5 star!!""This music is relaxing. It might be a bunch of sounds put together, but it's still very enjoyable" (album review of Postal Service's 'Give Up')"Brody Dalle is the most coolest chick alive, I love the Distillers. hey starwarsjunkie go stick a light saber up urs cuz green day is the best punk band ever, the Distillers rock, get this and all of their albums"

Comments (7)

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max says haha, that postal service one is great, ha, not even a big fan, but that's just great, like all music isn't a lot of sound put together, haha, thanks

Permalink posted 01/05/2007
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Spencer Owen says Some of these people even come around the classical section and leave even dumber comments. Do they simply have no time on their hands?

Permalink posted 01/05/2007
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faeriedanzer19 says hey you, yeah you, you're my hero...

Permalink posted 01/05/2007
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fairportfan says Actually, *Max*, all music *isn't* "just a lot of sounds put together" - it's sounds put together in a certain way; a book i enjoyed once described a flashy guitarist's "solo" as :...a lot of unrelated notes in the right key and time...". As to the iPod "reviews" - it's probably Very Easy to post one. My current rank as a reviewer on Amazon.com is 949th place; i had gotten as high as the mid-200's at one point. I try to write reviews (of books and movies/DVDs as well as music) that actually explain what the work is, give my reaction to it and to tell why (i feel) it is (or *isn't*) worth your time and interest. And i hope i give enough context that people who might disagree with me can decide to do the exact opposite of my recommendation, if they think that's best for them. But there are altogether too many people who write "reviews" like the ones you cite above - the "This shit reely rawks i bout it becuse my boyfriend said it rooled and he was rite..." type. Ignore 'em. Bill Davis, lead guitarist in the cowpunk band "*Dash Rip Rock*":http://dashriprock.net, graduated from LSU manymanyyears ago, with a Masters in Communications/Journalism. His Master's Thesis (about 1984 or so) was about the possible negative effects of MTV on teen culture; and others have pointed out the same sorts of things - MTV (and *Sesame Street*, for that matter) promote "short clip" thinking and attentions spans, which in turn have influenced most of popular culture, including movies and TV, to the extent that a film that holds a single shot for more than a few seconds is likely to be described/perceived as "slow". People just can't be bothered to think about the music, because the next, unrelated, track is coming too fast. CDs feed this phenomenon, too - back before CDs, unless you could afford an AccuTrak turntable (which could automatically select tracks on most albums, and in its changer incarnation could actually push records back up the spindle to play a track on a record on the bottom of the stack), you pretty much listened to a record all the way through. With a CD - no need. Pick the two tracks you like from the radio, leave the rest unlistened to. Who cares if the other thirteen tracks are Good Stuff, too? It would take time to find out, and everything moves so fast... (A comment i posted to someone else's post about a related question became "*a post of my own*":http://mog.com/fairportfan/blog_post/36462.) BTW - if anyone would like to check out my Amazon reviews, you can go to my "*Amazon Profile page*":http://www.amazon.com/gp/pdp/profile/AKCF45Z2DV6TN/ref=cm_cr_auth/103-9220309-9441459 or "*to my website*":http://electronictiger.com/index/reviewlist0.htm. (My website will be down for an indefinite period, beginning 1/8/07; i will get it back up as soon as i can, though...)

Permalink posted 01/05/2007
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SatisfiedMind614 says hahaha....thanks for the highlights! some real classics there!!

Permalink posted 01/05/2007
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TheEyeOpener says I would like to think of our little collective here as Musical Extremist, nothing wrong with that at all I think. As for the prepubescent reviewers out there still asking for lunch money, do as Fairportfan said and ignore 'em. They will one day break free of the chains MTV/ BET have them bound by, and realize music is more than what everyone else thinks is cool for those two weeks it`s out, and finally appreciate all those noises slapped together for what they are, music.

Permalink posted 01/05/2007
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Iren says Once upon a time, in the awful shameful soulkilling year of 1983 I was in the 4th grade second half of it anyway), and my life came crashing down around me for various reasons.... but in that spring term two things entered my brain that were of an extreamly positive nature, first we read a old text book about travel that got me started dreaming about seeing the world... secondly our old school teacher (she might have had a year or two left before retirement) forced us to give oral book reports in front of the class... these reports were simple... Give a synopses of the book tell what you liked tell what you didn't like say if you would recommend the book that's been pretty much my template for reviewing anything and everything since... I don't always get it right, or down correctly, but I try... having read the kinds of reviews on iTunes and Amazon, and having been the victim of bad reviews of records I have realeased (not in that the reviewer didn't like the record, in that they never gave any information on it) I know that most people are pretty clueless about what they think, let alone how to provide constructive reviews....

Permalink posted 01/05/2007