Payoff.

So things have been steady, right? No drama in the last few weeks. No unnecessary concerns to deal with. No significant dips in moods and vibes.

But, man, why the hell can't I sleep properly?!

Dammit.

It's seriously getting to me, this lack of sleep. I've tried everything too. (Not all at the same time, of course.) Taking sleep-inducing drugs, falling into piss-drunk unconsciousness, drinking warm glasses of milk, watching pointless late-night TV, listening to lullaby-like music—even tiring myself out with stupid activities in the daytime!

Pero, 'tangina. Wala pa rin.

Last night, I spent the hours between 10:00 PM and 4:00 AM tossing and turning in bed. After which I gave up and just "woke up." I ended up working on and reviewing the lecture I gave to my class this morning, and downing god-knows-how-many cups of coffee.

Hmmm... Could it be the large amounts of coffee I take on a daily basis? It could be that.

Even if it were that, I can't help but feel that my bouts of insomnia were some sort of payoff for the lower intensity I've been enoying. Like as if the universe were finally making me pay for the steadiness—and smiling at that.

Ah well.

- - -

This just in:

"Without music, life would be a mistake." (Friedrich Nietzsche)