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Nothing's Going To Change Your Mind

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When someone owe you an explanation is like they owe your money. Sometimes you want that fucking money back. Sometimes you know they will avoid to pay you back for ever.

Actually, If he’d only said that he was sorry and acknowledged how badly he’d let me down then I’d have been able to forgive him. I wouldn't respect him, but I could let it go. But, in real life, once he found out that he dont want me anymore. He did not say anything. he just run away, disappeared, hidden underneath someone's underwares.

Then, after a month, he came back and asked me a friendship. What the bloody idoit? What the hell he thought i could be friend. And, what made him thought he could not blame me if i couldn't be his friends, especially, after what he had done to me. what made him thought that he could tell my friend that we could not end up well because i didnt want that. For fuck's sake. He didnt have a gut to call me! He is not much of gentleman, isn't he? what i could expect from him.

Anyway. That was my thinking, at that point in time, and that wouldn't hurt him to realize how he'd messed me up. Just take time, everyhting will be ok. That is what i always say to myself. I feel like i was still owed an explanation anyway.

The other things i worked out was that he could told me anything - he'd been possessed by aliens and was on a different planet at the time - and it wouldn't have made any difference. I was still owed an explanation, i thought, but so what? what good was it going to do me? It wouldn't have made me any happier. It was like scratching when you have chickenpox. You think it is going to help, but the itch moves over and then over again. My itch suddenly miles away, and i could not have reached it with the longest arms in the world. Realizing that made me scared that i was going to be itchy for ever, and i didnt want that.

- Along Way Down -