Wow. I'm a little overwhelmed lately. I've been too busy for anything. Mog or anything else. I felt the need for a personal post cause I got some things to get off my chest. 1. My brother almost had a heart attack last week. He is only 37 and this is the 4th time since his late 20's. They had to stop his heart and restart it. Kind of scary. I don't spend enough time with him. 2. My wife had a stalker this week. It didn't get serious but it was weird and slightly alarming. It's a giant story to tell but I'll leave it at that. I know she's a hot fox but we really don't need this right now. 3. My wife still hasn't found a job and I'm confident that she will find one but it's really creating unnecessary tension. Hi-5 babe. 4. My wife's mother still has a small amount of cancer even after all of the chemo. We're being brave and strong and above all still hoping for the best. Her step dad is having his 50th b-day on Thanksgiving and we're all gonna have some fun in Little Rock. 5. I hate my job. I hate what I do for a living and it's killing me. I'm sure there's many out there that feel the same way. At this point I just want to do something else but the job market sucks. I'm hoping I can work for my brother. I'm tired of hearing how much money my family has while I struggle. 6. I need a car. 7. I've been working on this picture that I posted for 2 months now and I don't have any time to work on it. I want more time for my art and I can't find it or the will to want to do it when I have time (see job). So if you maybe have been slightly curious or not I just wanted to post this message. I feel like exploding. Thank god I found this Dan Deacon album today. Just the thing I needed. Sometimes things can seem overwhelmingly heavy. I know I'm good stuff and so is my wife and I have the highest of hopes that things will get better. I for some reason have felt compelled to share. Even though I only know some of you a very little bit. There is no relevance to this but I also wanted to share my notes for my newest picture with you. Here they are. I don't use all of my suggestions but I think they are good reference points in my twisted little brain.1. Cherubs2. Someone with a capitol building for a hat.3. Pocket worlds.4. Melting novelty candle.5. Procession6. Apartment canned good building.7. A two dimentional dressing wall with a 3 dimentional picture of... the? something oppulent and grandiose.8. Raven on a seat.9. Airline on back of seat.10. bicicyle on ferris wheel.11. Objects in action. Interaction.12. Mindless and meangful tidbits.13. Lighting is key14. viking sperm15. Abstract Can Can dancers.16. Cal Can't17. Singer on olde tyme mic.18. Pancake w/ butter. Possible grand slam.19. Dry ice smoke.20. Fish jumping out of wave.21. Bike spoke toys.22. gladiator.That's it. Life can seem strange at times. Sometimes music can help. I'm really glad I found Dan Deacon today. His music is a mental pacifier. At least for today.
fistula spume says
Thanks Andrea. I just need to get through the holidays. I have this nagging feeeling like somethings about to give. Probably just paranioa.
Dzendvokh says
Touching post, thanks for sharing. I know it helps sometimes just to vent, even if to near strangers whom you have no idea how they will respond. I can definitely relate to the job thing, feel like I'm kinda just treading water now, and when that big part of your life is not feeling so fulfilling, it's tough to get that in the small amount of time that remains.
I enjoyed perusing your work over at your multi, it has such a stream of consciousness feel to it but then there is so much detail, like every aspect is thought about and worked on. An interesting creative process you seem to have.
This time of year is a killer for everyone it seems. Things will turn and turn again.
Oh and Dan Deacon is just insane. Totally. But a whole hell of a lot of fun. Would be a crazy show to see live.
Lady Miss Ian says
Fisty - I'm sorry things are so crappy for you right now. I know sometimes on the wheel of life it feels like we're riding on the "scraping the pavement" side of the wheel for far longer than we ever want to. But the wheel does turn and start to go up again. I'm sending you good vibes and hugs.
Carolyn O'Brien says
I am sorry you are having so much of a shitstorm, man. I have been there and I know how you feel. I had 3 members of my family struggle with cancer one right after the other. (mom, dad and brother) I hated my job (exactly at your age), had a huge nervous breakdown, quit, reinvented myself over the past decade, but continue to wonder just what the fuck it's all about as as struggling artist. I finally realized the other day that just admitting I'm one was the biggest struggle. (at once, it seemed like some sort of arrogant privilege to say that, but now I can say it and mean it.) And, goddamned sinus infections! They are the WORST THINGS EVER. I even had sugery to correct my problems with those. Egads. But, DUDE, this track is making me so happy. Thank you for making my laugh and remember my grade school afternoons. 4 pm, Oklahoma, every day. Woody Woodpecker. Wondeful.
I'm going to light a candle for you, that job you hate, that car you need, all your relatives and wife and their health and yours, and a voodoo candle to keep away the stalkers. Sprinkle cumin on your front door step. That's supposed to keep evil spirits away, according to voodoo lore. Sounds like you might need to be equipped for bloody zombies, though!
Carolyn O'Brien says
p.s. I actually can spell and proof read, but I'm lazy today, my dog's hand is on my right arm, we are lying in bean bag chairs and lap top is across my fat belly etc, ad nauseam . . .
amber says
Hang in there. Something has to give and things will get better. In the meantime, have lunch or dinner with your brother, get your wife some fake buck teeth and thick glasses, enjoy Thanksgiving to the fullest, maybe get a new job after your wife lands her next one, keep listening to tunes that heal and know that we are all here to listen, advise, commisserate, and support. And your picture will be there for when you have the time/energy to finish it and it will be fabulous.
xoxoxo
asrati says
I don't have the guts to sing my blues for all to hear, so right off the bat I admire you for that. Most people close to me require that I Put On A Happy Face and keep it on tight. The stuff about your wife's struggle to find a job hit me closest to home; I decided to take some time off a while back and now don't even WANT to look for work, much less go through getting rejected in a pursuit I don't want to engage in in the first place, in a job market which does indeed suck. I'm trying to maintain composure, but it requires a good deal of will and concentration. I feel, by and large, that I'm wandering around without a map.
Augusts1 says
Here I thought my life sucked a big one(but wait, it does, just not in the ways it's sucking for you)! Hope things turn around for you quickly Sam, they always do. Hating your job isn't fun but at least you have one that pays well, have a beautiful wife who loves you as well as family who do too. It's really easy to focus on the negative aspects when so many things aren't going well. I'm always amazed at how much mogging you get in in spite of having so much to do in your life!
asrati says
Dan Deacon can sure as HELL help. I suddenly notice I've sprouted an effortless, shit-eating grin. I'm such a sucker for exuberant silliness. Thanks.
dachmo says
As Bill Hicks would say at the end of his stand-up routines, "life is just a ride", all the stuff that goes on between your first breath and your last is just entertainment. The only thing that really matters is that you wrap your arms around your loved ones, look them in the eyes and let them know you love them. It really is that simple.
FluxCapacitor says
Sorry to hear about your family probs - everything passes, but waiting for that to happen is a right royal pain the ass, no doubt. I love the picture you posted and the insight into your creative process. Very interesting (sounds like you're using dreams?). I'm not sure if you exhibit or sell your art commercially (judging by the quality you probably have done). But with the new stuff, you should definitely send your work out to local professionals in the fields you'd like to work in. When I plucked up the nerve to do so with my plays, the feedback was invaluable. Anyway, hang on in there, dude.
Cody B says
If we can give you a tenth of the joy you spread around here, I bet you'd feel a lot better. Do what you gotta do and it'll work out.
Cool picture and thanks for the intro to Dan Deacon. You did that voodoo you do again.
deadmandeadman says
I read your post, I read all the comments. There really is nothing your humble fan can add. Empty bromides and slush ain't gonna cut it, I'm not really into cyber-hugs,
"...But you may see me tonight
With an illegal smile
It doesn't cost very much
But it lasts a long while
Won't you please tell the Man
I didn't kill anyone
I'm just tryin' to have me some fun"
-John Prine
darmuzz says
I appreciate you have the courage to lay it all out like you have. Who knows what sadness lurks in the hearts of all those Moggers who don't share? I have always thought of you as a fortunate person (talented artist, pride in heritage, lovely wife, good taste in music) but I know that circumstances suck sometimes. I know I feel better when I listen to music you've posted like YMCK! Hope things brighten up soon for you, Sam.
fistula spume says
Dzendvokh - Definitely treading water and it could just be this time of the year. I need a break. I hear Dan Deacon has quite the show.
Lady Miss Ian - Thanks for the hugs and vibes. I appreciate them.
PIMP - I hear ya!
Carolyn - Thanks again and I'm going to try your cumin idea.
asrati - I know exactly what your saying. The rejection seems to be the worst part. Dan Deacon definitely is ridculously kooky. It helps.
August - I think my goal is to connect more with family. It is a wonder that I do Mog so much. I do have some freedom. :)
Dachmo - Thx. Bill Hicks always knows how to break BS down.
Flux - Glad you liked the picture. I don't use dreams. It's more stream of conciousness. I can spout random imagery at will. I usually have to anounce it and I feel a eureka moment all over. When I thought viking sperm I thought I hit jackpot for random imagery. Hopefully someday I can work in a professional illustrator capacity. Gotta keep on it.
Cody B - All I got is voodoo. Oh that and some mojo. And maybe some bad juju. I try!
deadman - That'll do!
darmuzz - Thank you. I do feel fortunate and it sometimes is hard to share. Mog is more than just posting some music. Thanks for the kind words. YMCK is really good. I still don't have any tracks by them. Loved those videos though.
Thanks all for your thoughts. It's cheered me up somewhat. Especially on this gloomy rainy Monday. Days like these always got Karen Carpenter down. I appreciate you all.
SamTheButcher says
I'm sure things will improve for you. They always do for me, and it's just how it works out for someone named Sam. :)
For more aural fun, if you haven't already, check out Raymond Scott and read up on his creative process after you've had a chance to check out the music.
fistula spume says
Thanks Sam. We Sam's are special people. I love Raymond Scott. I got _Restless Nights and Turkish Twilights_ when I was 16. He's one of my idols. How strange you should bring him up. I was thinking of him yesterday. It's probably Dan Deacon's fault. There's an air of experimental cartoon lunacy in his music.
Dale says
Hey Sam! I'm sorry to hear that you're having a rough patch. Keep cheering your wife on, and keep your head up, good things do happen to good people.
contrabandwidth says
I totally feel you, the galaxies are causing much disruption. I'm actually don't understand astrology too much, but I do know that Venus was in retrograde, and I don't know what this really means, but a lot of shit seemed to be happening everywhere (on Mog and real life too). I'm just kind of laying low, hoping it will pass, and be unscathed. I know this sounds flaky, but I got nothing else to explain the weirdness I've experienced as of late. Probably a good time to just coast a little, wait for shit to calm down. I too hate my job and have little time to give to my art (which is weird since I do graphic design). But I also have a new baby that requires lots of time, so I'm trying to be a bigger picture person as of late.
jenny says
Hi, Sam, so sorry about all the bad stuff going on. There seems to be a ton of crap in everybody's life right now...at least I keep reading about it on the MOG. But that doesn't make it any easier, I know, and I hope things get better.
My husband had cancer almost ten years ago (a malignant melanoma, which is really scary, but they caught it in time and he's fine now), so I know a little bit about what you're going through. Hang in there.
And thanks for that amazing garage psyche mix you sent. It is totally making me happy right now. (You should check my post today...crazy Japanese garage with an anime cartoon...bizarre but wonderful stuff.)
fistula spume says
Thanks Dale. I'm trying to keep my head above the water.
Contra my wife is into astrology. She says that it's usually when Mercury is in retrograde when bad stuff goes down. Maybe Venus just complicates things. I think laying low is a good policy. It's hard sometimes. I hear you on the job woes. I have a lot of friends who are artists that work graphic design that don't seem to enjoy it. If only I could get a job talking about music. I think that would be the dream.
Jenny thanks for the kind words. We're praying and hoping that things will be all cool. Glad you liked the mix. I really enjoy it. When I first made it I had put five Pretty Things tracks on it without noticing. I had to make adjustments. I love that band. Thanks for pointing me to you Japanese post.
mickimicki says
Hey Sam, I'm sorry to hear of those shit factors... I'm feeling you! I've seriously considered whether this whole year has been cursed or something, and whether I should maybe start believing in that kind of thing in the first place...
Woody Woodpecker is pure madness, my boy is digging it *a lot*, too ;-) He think's you're way cool for posting this (and for your good old avatar).
You're doing a good thing. Letting it all hang out for a minute doesn't do no harm to anybody, and acknowledging the "realities" might just keep you sane...
Raising my herbal tea to you!
ivylander says
Sorry I'm late to the...well, "party" isn't quite the right word. Sam, like deadman I can't really think of something clever and wise that hasn't already been expressed by others. I can tell you, however, that four years ago my wife had cancer (fine now) and we were about to lose a house we loved to developers (sadly, it was a rental) and I had no idea where we were going to live or how we were going to afford to buy our own place. Plus I hated my job, where I was getting paid two-thirds of my previous salary. (The former company went under, maybe because they were overpaying people....) Everything seemed headed straight for the dumper. The only thing we could do was tackle one problem at a time and decide to put as much of our energy as possible into the problems we could control. And try to stay as hopeful as we could. Weirdly enough, it pretty much worked.....
debi says
Hang in there,,,we all expect to be all settled and happy in our 30s..and it just isn't reality. My 30s were tough in many ways and I can identify with family health issues, money issues, doubting my decisions to work vs be a stay at home ..and on and on.
When we're in high school we think life gets better in college....then we go to college and have a great time for 3 yrs til we start to stress about the 'world of work and our role in it". Twenties are for finding a special someone and thirties seem to be . the 'grind years' of finding our own inner happiness and dealing with the often overwhelming realities of being a support system to so many people
As other have said - thanks for sharing your thoughts and art!
fistula spume says
Thanks for the tea raise mickimicki. Things are strange lately. Glad you and your boy like the Woody Woopecker song. That was a fave toon as a child so I really enjoy the madness of the song. I feel somewhat better having posted my feelings. It's like therapy with trustful strangers.
Ivy I think that is some really great advice for hopefulness. It seemed like we were really on top of things earlier this year and now it's just a mess. I think you are correct about tackling one problem at a time. Thanks Bill.
changling says
Goddam matey what a bitch of a time you've been having, hang on in there baby things are bound to change for the better soon sending u nufffffffffffffffff love and positive vibes thru the ether XxX love to your fam X Peace & love
levek says
Hang in there, FS. Things will get better soon, I'm sure.
I like your picture. I do stuff much like yours but I use my stream of consciousness to improvise. I start with one "item" and let it evolve kind of automatically. I wish I could post some example, but my scanner is sick. I plan to get a new 'puter so I can use a graphics tablet (Wacom Bamboo) and work directly on the screen.
BTW, for your sinusitis, I suggest you get the NeilMed Sinus Rinse. It will really help (it did for me).
"Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the word
And never stops - at all. (Emily Dickinson)
Remember that music will help you through.
My best vibes go to you and the ones you love.
fistula spume says
Debi - You got something there. I know what you mean about being a support system. It seems hard to believe that people depend on me. Of all people! :)
Changling - I can feel it. I always appreciate your vibes. You're good stuff too.
Levek - How cool that your getting a Wacom tablet. I've always wanted one. I usually start with an idea and then just through random thought start layering the images. Sometimes I get some great juxtapositions. I'll check out the nasal rinse. Thanks for the poem and the good thoughts.
Anna says
Sam, I am so sorry to hear that you and your beloved ones are going though such a hard time. I agree with David (dachmo) 100%. Just keep them close and keep them warm. Thank you for sharing with us. Myriad healing and positive vibes your way.
PS very nice sketch.
contrabandwidth says
yes.. mercury. I told you I don't completely understand it. But I do believe that we have to somehow be connected to everything even outside of our immediate environment. There is an ebb and flow to everything (I find this particularly the case with money), so when you can just recognize that you'll be on the other side of it eventually, it makes it all a little better (at least for me).
fistula spume says
Thank you Anna!
CBW that's it. Mercury is in retrograde. I'm waiting for the bell to swing wide on the fortune side. I need some good times right now.
Marco1019 says
I pray for your family's health and safety.
I know everything can wear you down, but you have to keep swinging. Yes, it gets tiresome, but digging deep to elevate and overcome will bring you and yours more happiness and more good times. Your artistic talents will also flow even more.
fistula spume says
Thanks Sturgell and Marco. I've really appreciated all of the good vibes, well wishes, and prayers from my fellow Moggers. It really means a lot to me.
missjunk says
On Saturday night, my nephews new bride- lost her dad in a freak car accident. He was going to fast, had a couple of beers (2), didn't make a sharp corner, flipped the car. Died on impact. Wife survived, with just a scratch. Life is weird. Life is strange. I am not a religious person AT ALL, but someone today told me something kind of funny. They said, if you ask God for something, he may not give you what you wish for, but he will give you something he thinks you need.... I have no idea what this means really, but it made me think.
chucky says
Damn. Sounds like you're having a really craptacular time of it right now. I'm sending some positive vibes your way - it'll all get better. It has to right? Sure it does. :)
Oh, and - viking sperm? How can life hold back a man that thinks "Viking sperm! I need that in my next drawing. Definitely." Haha, just reading that made my day anyway:)
Girlcrawl says
Sending you positive vibes, strength, and a big MOG hug. You guys shall emerge from these doldrums; keep your courage present and unwavering.
SamTheButcher says
Just peeked at your age, and yeah, that album came out for me when I was in college, and I really appreciated the lunacy, but also the very hard work that's behind that lunacy.
Which is really the key, you know? Work hard, do what you love, the rest will come.
fistula spume says
miss junk - I'm sorry for your family's loss. That is a tragedy. I'm not religious at all either but some things definitely make me feel connected to something. Thanks for the kind notes.
Chucky - My wife swears that her and an ex made up craptacular somewhere in the early 90's. I don't think so but she's convinced. I like the image of viking sperm. I shouted it out when I thought of it and Rachel just looked at me like "what?".
indiepixie - thanks for the video. That's a cool one too. Reminds me of staring at rave visuals in a time gone by.
girlcrawl - thanks for the hugs. I need them right now.
Sam - Thanks again for the encouragement. I remember that when I got that Raymond Scott album that there were two Carl Stalling releases that came out. I wish I still had those too. It's funny cause if I remember right the Raymond Scott one claims that Carl ripped him off and the Carl one says that he did no such thing. Raymond was a genius.
wassonii says
1. The grand slam. Definitely the grand slam (and some alka-seltzer)
2. When the gods wish to punish you, they answer your prayers ;-)
3. Hope the Turkey Day/Birthday celebrations trumped all else
4. Recently changed job positions and had to add another gig to make up for the pay difference and while it frees up certain aspects of this existence, I often only have time to lurk and "like" sans comment, let alone a listen here on MOG
5. Sit, be silent, and smile
6. Hug yer wife
7. Musically, a great post.
Thank you. As always, some days are better than others.
And thanks for the planetary heads up. Though it's been a coupla weeks since you wrote this (and yes I am only now getting to play catch up) there certainly have been some strange activities happening.
Be well.
fistula spume says
hey thanks wassonii. Thanksgiving could've went better but at least I had 4 days off and got two new cd's out of it all. I appreciate the comment. Best to you as well.
Wow. I'm a little overwhelmed lately. I've been too busy for anything. Mog or anything else. I felt the need for a personal post cause I got some things to get off my chest. 1. My brother almost had a heart attack last week. He is only 37 and this is the 4th time since his late 20's. They had to stop his heart and restart it. Kind of scary. I don't spend enough time with him. 2. My wife had a stalker this week. It didn't get serious but it was weird and slightly alarming. It's a giant story to tell but I'll leave it at that. I know she's a hot fox but we really don't need this right now. 3. My wife still hasn't found a job and I'm confident that she will find one but it's really creating unnecessary tension. Hi-5 babe. 4. My wife's mother still has a small amount of cancer even after all of the chemo. We're being brave and strong and above all still hoping for the best. Her step dad is having his 50th b-day on Thanksgiving and we're all gonna have some fun in Little Rock. 5. I hate my job. I hate what I do for a living and it's killing me. I'm sure there's many out there that feel the same way. At this point I just want to do something else but the job market sucks. I'm hoping I can work for my brother. I'm tired of hearing how much money my family has while I struggle. 6. I need a car. 7. I've been working on this picture that I posted for 2 months now and I don't have any time to work on it. I want more time for my art and I can't find it or the will to want to do it when I have time (see job). So if you maybe have been slightly curious or not I just wanted to post this message. I feel like exploding. Thank god I found this Dan Deacon album today. Just the thing I needed. Sometimes things can seem overwhelmingly heavy. I know I'm good stuff and so is my wife and I have the highest of hopes that things will get better. I for some reason have felt compelled to share. Even though I only know some of you a very little bit. There is no relevance to this but I also wanted to share my notes for my newest picture with you. Here they are. I don't use all of my suggestions but I think they are good reference points in my twisted little brain.1. Cherubs2. Someone with a capitol building for a hat.3. Pocket worlds.4. Melting novelty candle.5. Procession6. Apartment canned good building.7. A two dimentional dressing wall with a 3 dimentional picture of... the? something oppulent and grandiose.8. Raven on a seat.9. Airline on back of seat.10. bicicyle on ferris wheel.11. Objects in action. Interaction.12. Mindless and meangful tidbits.13. Lighting is key14. viking sperm15. Abstract Can Can dancers.16. Cal Can't17. Singer on olde tyme mic.18. Pancake w/ butter. Possible grand slam.19. Dry ice smoke.20. Fish jumping out of wave.21. Bike spoke toys.22. gladiator.That's it. Life can seem strange at times. Sometimes music can help. I'm really glad I found Dan Deacon today. His music is a mental pacifier. At least for today.
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