Lester Jonze has made a post, entitled Before They Were Old, talking about the Who and Who's Next.
It reminded me that, if i live another two months, i'll be 59 on 22 October.
Not real sure i want to live another two months.
Not that it's any way likely i'm going to pull an Amy Winehouse - i have no desire to die, but i find that it's just harder and harder to get up and do anything every day.
It's probably at least partly because i've managed to forget more often than not to take my anti-depressants lately, but mostly it's just because i have nothing, really, to look forward to, and, pretty much, not much more to look back on.
And it's too damn hot to go outside and do anything. And i can't afford to go to nice air-conditioned movies.
Not that there are many i'd bother to go to.
Back in the last years of my first marriage, when she and i were both working and we had two cars (and gas cost less and my car got 35 MPG), when i started feeling like this, i'd take off for a weekend trip to New Orleans or Durham NC or something like that.
Or i'd hook up with my grlfriend, and we'd hit the clubs every night for a week or so.
Well, the clubs are almost seventy miles away now. And i have no idea what or who is playing these days.
And my friends that worked at some of the clubs have disappeared - hell, the clubs i used to love to go to have disappeared.
And i'm bored.
And i'm old.
And i'm tired.
Not physically tired, but i am so tired.
And i'm bginning to be afraid that, somewhere in the foreseeable if not eminent future, i may need surgery on the other knee.
And i just don't know if i can keep on a'marchin' anymore...
You can still find a job, go out and talk to a friend. On the back of every magazine there are those coupons you can send. Why don't you join the Rosicrucians, they can give you back your hope, you can find your love with diagrams on a plain brown envelope. But you've used up all your coupons except the one that seems to be written on your wrist along with several thousand dreams. Now Santa Claus comes forward, that's a razor in his mitt; and he puts on his dark glasses and he shows you where to hit; and then the cameras pan, the stand in stunt man, dress rehearsal rag, it's just the dress rehearsal rag, you know this dress rehearsal rag, it's just a dress rehearsal rag.
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Where are those lyrics from?
(some may call it religion, I call it the blues) I too feel the weariness my friend, don't let it keep you down :)
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oops, now that I actually looked I see where the lyrics are from, sorry....(I can't afford to pay attention :-P
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My apologies, I didn't mean to bring to light how the perspective of time weighs on all of us. While reading this, I was a bit surprised to see someone feeling much the same way I do about things. Sometimes it's all I can do to get out of bed in the mornings. I don't have the option of meds, so I just have to deal. I am, however decidedly younger than you (33), so what does that say for my outlook? What's even sadder is that one day people are going to be making those types of posts about current groups, like, um your favorite REM (haha). I think we could almost make that post about them now. But you're right, no need to go all Winehouse on us. She's gonna go soon enough I think. That's the saddest of them all. This too, shall pass.
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"no need to go all Winehouse on us", needs to be added to the urban slang terms dictionary, great expression.
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Nah, LJ - not your fault; it was the long dark tea-time of the soul (forget whose phrase that was), and i had a bad day yesterday.
Tired is so much worse than suicidal or self-destructive, sometimes; at least if you're suicidal you've got something to do.
When i was 33, i would periodically have similar fits of depression/exhaustion (hell, when i was 14) ... i've kept on going because, after all, if the engine's running you might as well go on with the trip if you're not gonna shut it off.
Scary to think how long its been since Danny released the first REM tracks on his first db Records release... (Here's an article from the late, lamented International Trouser Press (i need to think about a post about the TP) from 1982 (when, coincidentally, i was 33) that's fascinating to look back on from the perspective of twenty-five years...
(Scary to think some of the people i know, at least in passing...)
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Douglas Adams - Long Dark Tea time Of The Soul a great book :)
I call it weary or beat, something beyond tired, and reminded me of this from "Desolate Angel" (a bio of Jack Kerouac by Dennis McNally) "By 1948, the only people Jack saw that retained the light of life in their eyes were the beat - "beat" was a hip term Jack learned from Huncke that meant tired, burned out - slinking hipsters who knew". Painfully trying to describe his cultural mind-set to John one night he said, "It's sort of furtiveness...with an inner knowledge there's no use flaunting on that level, the level of the public, a kind of beatness...a weariness with all the forms, all the conventions." Their conversation circled on, picked up on the idea of generations, something Jack's roots in old Lowell spoke to, as well as the "Lost Generation" literary concept. "You know," Kerouac said, then snickered and erupted into a Shadow "Mwee hee hee hee haaa" laugh, "I guess you could call us a beat generation." His casual remark - the first time anyone had bothered to join the two words - would have lasting consequences on the nation's vocabulary and Jack's life.
(you'll have to excuse my ramblings on this but it's come up a lot for me lately)
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You should read "It's not easy being me," by Rodney Dangerfield... ;)
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Age is mostly just a number, Mike. And to prove that these are not just words, let me tell you that I'm 26 and I'm tired and bored and feel old. I guess what you can do is create the things that you can look forward to, instead of them just happening. Nothing wrong with that, just takes more effort than it did before. Life is what we make of it, really. Cheers, friends.
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I'm 40 and still waiting for that mid crisis thing lol... Whats that all about?
Man this is a great farfunnugun' song! Oh here's one to ya buddy, I wish the best... ;)
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Days like that I say "fuck it" and wait to see what it's like the next day when I open my eyes. Hey - I'm right outside of Durham and G.Love & Special Sauce are playing Aug 31st. Take a drive, come hang out. You'll leave wondering how my life is so much more boring than yours...;)
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An iced coffee with two extra espresso shots sometimes works wonders for me.