MOG

I am way too old to watch ‘Gossip Girl,’ but a friend of mine was on last night’s episode, and I said I’d tune in, so I did. It’s like “Cruel Intentions” meets “Melrose Place,” with a bit of “Heathers” and “Mean Girls,” and from what I was able to piece together, one of the dads in the show was in a rock band in the ‘90s, and he has a whole lot of LP’s in his Brooklyn apartment (most of the other characters seem to live in lavish hotel suites or upper east side townhouses). Oh, and last night, some of the characters ended up in Queens (!) where Lisa Loeb sang “Stay.” There is a lot of drinking and text-messaging and Manhattan-restaurant name-dropping. What’s not to like?

Anyway, in the spirit of “Gossip Girl,” ten songs about spreading rumors:

Shake Me, Wake Me (When It’s Over) – The Four Tops Levi Stubbs hears the neighbors talking, and he’s not too happy about it. They’re saying that his girl is going to leave him and walk into someone else’s arms. “Tell me that I’m dreaming,” he wails, “and wake me when it’s over.” It’s like a musical panic attack.

Small Town Talk – Jackie DeShannon “You know how people are.” Jackie tells her guy to shrug off the chatter of people spreading lies about her.

I Heard It Through The Grapevine – Marvin Gaye The apex of all rumor songs. “People say believe half of what you see, and none of what you hear,” but Marvin can’t help being confused by the persistent drumbeat of talk. He’s riddled with doubt and anxiety, and really, who can blame him?

I Don’t Want To Hear It Anymore – Dusty Springfield An early Randy Newman song. Jerry Butler did it, and Scott Walker, but listen to how terribly sad Dusty sounds, as she tries to smother the swirl of gossip (emulated by The Sweet Inspirations) that seeps through her paper-thin walls. (Sorry 'bout the lip-synch version.)

People Gonna Talk – James Hunter Like “Small Town Talk,” it’s one of those ‘who are you going to believe, me or those malicious yentas?’ songs.

It’s The Talk Of The Town – Boulevard of Broken Dreams How humiliating. The singer can’t show her face anywhere, because everybody knows, and can’t stop discussing, her awful break-up. She’s been dumped, and decades before the invention of the BlackBerry, word has traveled quite swiftly.

Rumors – Lindsay Lohan In this TMZ/Perez Hilton era, the rumors are more speedy, and come with more visual aids. Lindsay flights back against the tide of tsk-tsking. OK, maybe this isn't a "cool song."

Peggy Sue Got Married – Buddy Holly Well, maybe she did. Buddy isn't really sure. He’s heard it as a rumor ‘from a friend’ (a friend who likes to stir up trouble, one presumes), and is simply passing along the gossip without offering an opinion one way or the other.

People Will Say We’re In Love – Ray Charles and Betty Carter This is from Rodgers & Hammerstein’s “Oklahoma,” and it’s a love song disguised as a song about taking preventive measures to avoid romantic speculation. I’m not exactly sure what the big deal is that these two Okies fancy each other (it doesn’t seem so scandalous to me), but it’s a cute song. Ray and Betty even make it sound sexy.

Wake Up Little Susie – The Everly Brothers Oh, shit. It’s four in the morning, Susie and her boyfriend have fallen asleep in the movie theatre (an improbable tale, but let’s take their word for it), and are they in trouble, deep. Here, it’s the anticipation of gossip that has them rattled: “What’re we going to tell our friends when they say ‘ooh-la-la’?” Sounds like a PG-rated “Gossip Girl” episode to me.