the lost andy griffith show episode

It's a little-known fact that on their first U.S. visit, in between their February appearances on the Ed Sullivan Show, The Beatles were supposed to play themselves in an episode of The Andy Griffith Show (also on CBS). Details were worked out, and a script was written, but at the last minute Brian Epstein decided to cancel the appearance.Recently, a draft of that script, called "Moptops In Mayberry," surfaced, and here it is:INT- DAY - SHERIFF'S OFFICEThe radio is on. Faintly, we hear "I Want To Hold Your Hand." Andy is at his desk. Barney comes in.BARNEY; You too?ANDY (puzzled): Me too what, Barn?BARNEY; Those beetle-bugs. I tell ya, I've had it.(Switches off the radio)BARNEY: All day long, Thelma Lou is singin' along with those insects, and now she wants to go to their show in Raleigh.ANDY: Now, Barn. These songs're kinda catchy. (Sings) ""She loves you yeah yeah yeah"BARNEY (peeved, sings nasally): Yeahyeahyeah. You know I'm a music-lover Ange, and quite a musician myself (takes out his harmonica from his pocket and blows "She'll be comin' around the mountain")ANDY: Yeah Barn, you're a real vir-tu-oso!BARNEY: Why couldn't they stay in England?The door opens and Opie comes in, transistor radio glued to his ear, singing along to the Beatles tune.ANDY: Hey, Ope.BARNEY: Hey, Ope.No response.ANDY and BARNEY; Hey Ope!!OPIE: Oh hi Pop, hi Barney. Aren't The Beatles the fab gearest?BARNEY: The what?OPIE: The coolest. The end.BARNEY: I wish it was the end.ANDY; Hey Ope. I was over at Floyd's before. Wasn't you supposed to get your hair cut today?OPIE: Oh, I'm not gettin' my hair cut any more.ANDY: Ever?OPIE: I wanna look like Paul!BARNEY: You're gonna look like Pauline!ANDY: Now, Opie, you haveta get your hair cut. It's starting to cover your eyes.OPIE; Aw, gee paw. All the kids're lettin' their hair grow long. Don't be so square!Aunt Bee walks into the sheriff's office.AUNT BEE; Oh, Andy, I have some awful news!ANDY: What'sa matter, Aunt Bee?AUNT BEE; Well, you know we're having that big church dance on Friday, and we hired a band from Mount Pilot, and they just called and said they can't make it. Oh, Andy, what are we going to do?Barney takes out his harmonica again, and plays "Skip To My Lou."BARNEY; How was that?ANDY: How was what?BARNEY; My playin'! Me and Goober can play at the dance. We know all the latest tunes, even Elvis Presley songs.OPIE: Elvis Presley! He's like an old man! Get with it, Barney! The Beatles are where it's at!BARNEY: If I hear one more word about The Beatles...The door opens and Goober walks in, with his guitar.GOOBER: Listen to this Barn.He plays "I Want To Hold Your Hand"BARNEY: That's it! I give up! Call me when you've called the exterminator!He storms out of the sheriff's office.CUT TO COMMERCIALEXT- DAY- GAS STATIONGomer is at the filling station. A limo pulls up, and the driver rolls down the window.DRIVER: Pardon me, my good man.GOMER: Howdy! Fill 'er up?DRIVER: Am I going the correct way to Raleigh?GOMER: Well, now. Raleigh is a ways away.VOICE, with a Liverpool accent, from the back seat: We're getting hungry back here.ANOTHER VOICE, with a Liverpool accent, from the back seat: Yeah, all we've eaten all day are jelly babies.DRIVER (To Gomer): Is there a dining establishment in the vicinity?GOMER: A whut in the whut?DRIVER: A bistro of some sort?GOMER: I'm afraid I don't get it.VOICE from the back seat: A joint to get some grub!GOMER: Well, golleee! Why didn't you say so? There's a diner right nearby. Why don't you leave your car here and get some lunch? Get the blue plate special.VOICE: What's that?GOMER: Fried chicken, coffee and pie. Only a dollar eighty-nine!CUT TO: INT- DAY- DINERBarney is sitting at the counter. The jukebox is playing, of course, The Beatles.BARNEY (to counterman): Could you turn that racket off?COUNTERMAN: Sorry, Barn. That's all those kids play these days.BARNEY; Whatever happened to Ferlin Husky?COUNTERMAN: Who?BARNEY: Nevermind.Suddenly, the door opens and in walk The Beatles. Carrying their guitars, for some reason.GIRL IN A BOOTH: OH MY GOD!!! It's...THEM!!ANOTHER GIRL (her back to the door): THEM?? Who's them?FIRST GIRL: The B-B-B-B...SECOND GIRL: The...FIRST GIRL: BEATLES!!SECOND GIRL: WHERE???FIRST GIRL: Right....Here!!!Second girl turns around. They both scream.JOHN: Yeah, it's us.PAUL: Who else would we be?GEORGE: We could be them.RINGO: Or I could be you.PAUL: Or we could all be each other.JOHN: Well, whoever we are, can we get something to eat?A waitress comes over to seat them.WAITRESS: Now, you just sit down and I'll give you anything you like.PAUL: Anything??WAITRESS (flustered): Well, we have some nice homemade pie.GEORGE: Steak and kidney pie?WAITRESS; Well, we have steak. But it don't come in pie.A bunch of kids look in the diner window and see The Beatles. They rush in. Then Helen Krump and Thelma Lou come in. Barney is steamed. Then Andy and Opie come in.ANDY: What's all the commotion around here. Someone heard some screamin'.OPIE: Look, Paw. It's The Beatles!ANDY: Well. I'll be. (to the Beatles) Welcome to Mayberry.RINGO: Is that where we are? Mayberry?Barney comes over. BARNEY: You got something against Mayberry, you...flopheads?GEORGE: Flopheads?BARNEY: Hopcrops?JOHN: I think you mean moptops.PAUL: That's what they've been calling us over here.Helen and Thelma Lou come over. They push Barney aside.HELEN: We were wondering...THELMA LOU: That is...we were hoping...HELEN: That maybe if we asked nicely.,,THELMA LOU: Real nicely...Reaction shot of Barney, even more steamed.HELEN: You might sing something.THELMA LOU: Please!!!Everyone in the diner says ""Please!!"The Beatles look at each other, shrug like "Why not?" and sing "All My Loving." Everyone is clapping and swooning. Even Barney starts tapping is foot. He starts to take out his harmonica to play along, but Andy shoots him a look, and he puts it back in his pocket.The song ends. Everyone applauds. CUT TO COMMERCIALINT - DAY- SHERIFF'S STATIONANDY: Now, they seemed like real nice boys.BARNEY: Yeah, I guess.ANDY: Come on, Barn.BARNEY: I still don't like their hair.Aunt Bee comes in.AUNT BEE (excited): Oh, Andy, you'll never guess what happened!!ANDY: What?AUNT BEE: Well, I was over at the gas station, to bring Gomer some lunch, and I saw these boys with guitars, and I asked them if they were a band, and they said yes, and I asked them if they could play at our church dance and they said they would! I have to pay them 20 dollars. Five dollars apiece. Do you think that's too much? I think they're called the Ladybugs, or something like that.BARNEY: It's too much, all right!Everyone laughs.