I Know How To Write A Hit Song
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I'll be the first to admit that I am a sucker for pop songs that annoy the hell out of everyone else. Hollaback Girl, check. Milkshake, check. Heck even My Humps, check. But now comes another from Ms. Humps herself Fergie on her new solo album. The album is called "The Dutchess" and the song of course is "London Bridge". I finally saw the video for this song while surfing through the channels. I happened to stop on "MTV Hits" and this gem was playing. So after listening to this monstrosity, I decided that I could probably write something in this vein. Here is my formula.1) Find a producer to create a beat with big drums, lots of high hat, and some 60's style horns. This will work in 90% of the time. Plus it makes you seem old skool.2) Get a great sexual innuendo chorus. "How come every time you come around, my London London Bridge wanna go down." Every 13 year old girl will love to yell it. The boys will giggle because they want to "do" the singer. BONUS: If you mention alcohol, you can pull the 16-19 demographic as well ("The Grey Goose got this girl feelin loose").3) Don't worry about trying to make the verses intelligible, it doesn't matter (example: "I'm Fergie Ferg, Me Love You Long Time"). If you are ever in doubt, repeat that great chorus that we were just talking about. 4) Make a raunchy video. Ass shaking must occur in at least 3/4 of the video. The ammount of clothes that the singer wears must decrease on an inverse incline in proportion to the time left in the song. Its really a simple equation.5) Ensure your singer is sexually attractive. This is a given for any big star, so I'm only adding it as a footnote.So just put all of those things together and you have a hit. You don't even need to worry about selling it to MTV or radio so they play it, your work is already done. It will be no conicidence that the song will soon be playing on Season 6 of Laguna Beach.Fergie...
Drops some knowledge about London Town.
Drops some knowledge about London Town.
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