Top 5 Dumbest Lyrics By 311
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311's combination of funk, rap, metal, ska, and reggae has resulted in a few intriguing tunes, even if most of their work sounds more like science experiments gone horribly wrong. Their lyrics are a similarly odd mélange: science-fiction references, effusive odes to the mind-expanding powers of marijuana, and unconvincing white boy hip-hop braggadocio. Here are five of the worst lines from five guys who will never be confused with Leonard Cohen.
"You're all up in my mix like fuckin' Betty Crocker/You think you're playing me but actually you're a jocker."
- "Hive"
This is probably the first and last alternative rock lyric to ever denigrate a cake mix company. An easy target, sure, but Betty Crocker took the high road and never bothered to file a defamation suit against the band. Apparently in the dessert world, any press is good press.
"The brodels is the nazz and the nazz knows where it's at/The brodels is the nazz who knows a cat who can feed a cat."
- "Brodels"
The term "nazz" was popularized but not coined by David Bowie, on his 1972 hit "Ziggy Stardust", where he describes his alien rock star persona as "The nazz, with god-given ass." There's still some question as to whether Bowie co-opted A Clockwork Orange author Anthony Burgess' use of the word, or famed beat poet "Lord" Richard Buckley's. But two things are certain: (1) David Bowie has the unparalleled authority to bestow coolness on words as he sees fit, and (2) 311 do not.
"Never come a day that I'll solve you/Consequently I could never leave you/In the shadow of those looming battleships/Love, our canoe/I'm ready for the falls/And those still waters we will find are true."
- "Don't Tread On Me"
Nick Hexum never met a metaphor he didn't love. In the space of 6 lines, he likens his girl to a math problem (most likely trigonometric, which is why 311 really spoke to me as a high schooler), a hateful world to the USS Missouri, and their loving relationship to a popular recreational watercraft. Curiously, the last three lines sound like something Kenny Loggins would've written on Return to Pooh Corner, while the first three lines sound like something he would've written on the Top Gun soundtrack.
"'Cuz we're dope kid/Change like a chameleon/And the channel whenever that wack show Real World is on."
- "Down"
Ah, 1995. MTV's seminal reality show The Real World was at the height of its cultural significance. Many feared that the program would open floodgates to a new era of reality-themed programming—much of it stale, uninventive, lowest common denominator-targeted drivel.
Whew, it's a good thing that didn't happen.
To his credit, 311 rhymer/cultural aesthete Doug "SA" Martinez did his part to undermine the show's impact on "Down", which hit number one on the Billboard modern rock charts that year. Few understood what the hell Martinez was actually saying, sadly, as he ignores all conventional standards of rhyme and meter and commits several possibly illegal acts of syllabication. And for what? To get "chameleon" to rhyme with "Real World is on." Stunning.
"Cosmic remix/From the mysterious blue planet/We can breathe anywhere/Underwater, out in space, and in L.A./Your polluted air's no problem for these homeys."
- "Transistor"
These couplets must've come as a relief to 311's many Los Angeles fans, who were no doubt worried that the group might asphyxiate upon entering the city limits. Similarly relieved must be 311's many underwater fans and the multitudes in outer space. And, again, another brilliant rhyme of "L.A." with "homeys", fellas.
Comments (11)
How many 311 songs are there? That's how many lyrics should be on this list. Although, you did say "dumbest" so guess you can't include every single song.
They were just so awful the last time I saw them on that Mash Up tour (think they played w/ Wyclef or something).
I guess I've only really heard them in dribs and drabs over the years. I know they have some fans but it doesn't seem like they stuck..the lyrics you have here seem to be trying way too hard to be hip. Lord Buckley never had such a problem..his Nazz bit from the 50's is the total schizznit. My homeys and I enjoy listening to it.
Perhaps I was a little too hard on them. I think what really happened w/ me was that I conformed to like them (back in '95ish) because everyone around me was so into them. Truth be told, I own 3 of their albums and Grassroots can rock from time to time. It's been a while since I busted it out though.
BTW - Where would you file 311 in your CD collection?
A. At the very top in front of the "A's"
B. At the very back behind the "Z's"
C. At the very start of the "T's"
D. In the middle of the "T's" after say, They Might Be Giants
itunes does numbers at the end..most stores do (did, when there were stores) them at the beginning..I personally go by the alpha spelling of the number.
I was in 7th grade when they were popular so listening to them just brings me to that era of awkwardness all-around. Of course their 'trying too hard to be cool' lyrics go hand-in-hand with that feeling. I will also admit here that I had pictures of them in my locker and maybe, just maybe, thought Nick Hexum was a god.
I can see that bbf..do you still listen to 'em? I remember when I worked in record stores and they had a decent following. What happened to 'em?
I own 311 and Transistor, and certainly enjoyed a few of their songs along the way. "Don't Stay Home" is probably still my favorite. And "Amber" is a simple, pretty little tune that I have no problem with, either.
Still, sometimes you have to call a spade a spade when it comes to their lyrical atrocities :)
Eric: My iPod likes to file all the "number bands" (1990's, The 88, even 2Pac) after all the Zs.'
Cody: They're very much still around--latest album Uplifter came out in May of this year.
I think they just kind of went the way of JNCO jeans which were popular at the time. Upon seeing JNCO's it's like, yeah I remember 'em, but don't necessarily want anything to do with them anymore.
Big ups for the JNCO metaphor.
Also, skater boyz seemed to be enamored of both.
True, true. Makes me wonder then if I liked skater boyz or 311 first.
As a huge 311 fan, I can agree that some of their material is bleh.
One of my favorites is from the song "From Chaos" - What do you know all of the sudden, ah I usurp you/
Look it up in the dictionary to find out what I do
This one makes me cringe and convulse just reading it.
If you are wondering why I like them - it's a mix of their multitude of musical styles, their overall positive message, and because they are fantastic live. The pot references I can do without.