The Tyler Durden Intervention Post
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Track:condemed
First let me welcome the friends and well wishers of Tyler Durden here today. When I look around the room I see alot of love and strength here today. As is usual in a gathering such as this we'll first introduce ourselves. I am Dansemcabre and I'm an alcaholic, a metalhead, and somtimes I sell prescription painkillers to my coworkers. But enough about me This is about Tyler. Cuz it would seem that Tyler Durden has been beguiled by the flashy rhine stones and jailbait sex slaves of POP music. I know this may come as a shock to many of you who percieved tyler as a bad ass metal dude with a lust for the blood of the innocent. Addicts often are able to hide their habit from those they love. And their is no telling how well tyler has hidden his. Their is only one certainty. And that tyler, is that you are not alone. I want you to look around you an see that no matter how bad you have gotten or what you have done you have friends here. Friends who will lovingly and gently dropkick your pop listening to ass back on the metal bandwagon. You were once a prominant young metal head with lots of potential. Lets see if tonight we can't bring that metal head back. And remember folks this is serious if we don't turn Tyler from this evil he'll be posting hanson bro's and avril lavigne with in six months. And after that comes the inevitable draining of his soul and the complete devistation of his character. and when all he can talk about is his new sneakers and what he saw on the real world the other day we'll know that Tyler is truely dead. So I'll open the floor now to all who want tyler back. I want you to pay attention to this tyler it may be hard to hear but it'll save your life.
Comments (10)
TD! Step away from the pop. Put it down. It's not your friend. You only have two: us and METAL! Let's see if we can knock sense back into you and get you off that pop trainwreck:
Notice Jake Bannons dedication is not "This one's for anyone who's ever loved pop music."
Thank you Brit that took real heart.
Who's next?
Oh shit this is funny. And I haven't even read it yet.
Coming next week: The Tyler Durden comedy Roast!!
Hi...I'm Joe, known to fellow addicts as Tyler -> Well, I'm shocked, I think you have the wrong fellow, I stumbled in here by accident I swear, I DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM ->
Ok, I heard a Pink song on satelite radio a few months back and that's where it all started...it was so damn...Catchy, yeah that's it, I started bobbing my head, tapping the steering wheel...and then before I knew it -> I was blowing off plans with the family to hide in my garage blaring Hatebreed on my stereo, but (stops to sob) having Hillary Duff and the Veronicas playing on my mp3 player...shamefully covering my tracks with the cover of some heavy band ->
I told myself "I can control this, it won't get out of hand." Then I was wearing horizontal striped neck ties loosened with a colarless shirt, tight jeans and pink socks...I am so ashamed...
Telling my wife that I was going to the Otto bar down in Baltimore to listen to a local metal band but I was really sneaking off to the Towson Town center to hang with teenagers in a coffee shop...and as my veins would constrict and my pupils would dialate, giving me that all to familiar sense that I was doing something SO WRONG...oh, but it felt so good ->
What am I doing with my life...
this thing has been up for two days now and we only got one real comment. thats gotta hurt. we may have to call this off because of unusually high level's of indiffrence. Damn MOG every time I try to do somthing to bring people together it all goes un noticed. Sorry man at least Brit and I care
I just don't fit in with the 'poppy, indie, emo' rockers -> I enjoy the 5 or 6 people I talk to on here, more intimate atmosphere ->
Britt is hot and cool, my sister with music in her blood as is mine ->
Thanks, it's the generous nature of the post to roast me that I dig...even if it was only a few comments, it warms my rusty metal, unchanging heart bro ->
I regretfully admit I may have been a bad influence on our friend Joe: luring him with free music downloads (the first is always free... that's how they get you).
I've been trying to post a comment w/ some good ole' Mudvayne attached for two days now but Mog doesn't like me posting music from work it seems.
I wondered where you had been Demo.
Tyler> so the comedy roast is on? we'll have to see what I can come up with.