Richard Driver
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Artist:
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Album:Sorry, Dale!
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Track:
I'm relatively new to the world of driving. Because of requirements for college I wasn't able to take driver's ed in high school until the last semester of my last year. All of my friends by this point were already driving so i was never want for a ride, anywhere. Soon I headed off to college and subsequently the next 18 years of my life in New York City. To backtrack a bit, on October 31st 1991 I finally got around to taking the road test and yes, I passed. The next time I found myself in command of an automobile was 16 years and 48 days later.
During that down time, all I had to do was every 5 years or so I'd spend an afternoon with the fine folks at the DMV, pay a fee, smile for the camera and my license would be renewed. The last time I renewed my license, at the age of 36, I laughed realizing that I had just been given the ok by the state of New York to do something I actually had only spent a combined total of maybe 90 minutes ever doing and the last time I had done it was well over a decade and a half ago.
Needless to say when I did start driving last December, at the age of 37, I would find myself gripped in fear of a metal and glass strewn, fiery death. Driving the half mile to the local supermarket was an ordeal that would take me most of the day to work up the nerve to do. Visions of overturned SUV's with soccer mom's laying bloodied on the asphalt while their children wandered the scene all broken and cut up was all I could imagine. Was that worth the sale on a ten-pack of tuna fish, no, but I'd do it anyway. With my hands clutched tightly around the wheel, radio off and my predetermined plot of winding, hardly used backroads I'd make my way to the Stop & Shop, grab my tinned albacore and get my ass home, carnage free.
Jump ahead 11 months to see our hero kindly allowing strangers on the parkways to merge in front of him, see him parallel park on busy town streets, see him doing 80 down the highway while looking for a radio station, see him screaming at a "fucktard" for not properly utilizing a directional signal, see him speed his vehicle through a yellow light because he's got somewhere more important to be.
I tell this little story of mine to remind people that no matter how confident you get behind the wheel, no matter how good of a driver you've become, no matter how conscientious you are of other drivers around you at least once a day you too become a "Dick" Driver. It may only last for a fleeting moment it may last for a few minutes but I guarantee you that someone you share the road with today is going to look at your driving and say to themselves "...look at this guy, what a schmuck!"
Comments (9)
ah well, we can't all be Minnie Driver, can we? Try as I might, the Mommy-o Andretti always comes out in me. Good to hear the trek for tuna and toenail crackers has become easier ... :)
Just woken up, just checking mail... read the title of the post and up came the photo.... spat out the first mouthful of coffee I had just taken... left the coffee alone until I finished reading...cos I was laughing too hard to pick the cup up without slopping it... one knows one is laughing hard when bubbles come out of ones nose!!! You made my morning....:-)
i know exactly what you mean! I was terrified to learn to drive, though I only put it off until I was 18. Now I speed while flipping through my ipod and yelling at the idiots that cut me off. I'm still awful at parallel parking, cause I so rarely need to do it. so you are definitely right, we all manage to be "dick" drivers at some point!
OMG remind me not to be on the road with any of you guys!!! :-)
Erin - toenail crackers ...eeeegh! I almost forgot about that!
ZR - Are you saying you're a perfect driver? Nobody has EVER cursed your existence while behind the wheel of a large automobile?
deg5 - It goes past driving too. One day, years ago, I was standing on a street corner waiting to cross the street when 3 tourist ladies stepped in front of me and without realizing it one of the ladies stepped too far into the street as she continued chatting with her friends, I reached out and grabbed her arm and gently pulled her back a bit as a bike messenger wizzed passed her. When the ladies realized that I wasn't trying to kidnap their friend and that I probably just saved her from an embarrassing experience they just smiled and nodded and said "Thank You, Thank You" and continued walking. No more than one block later at another corner I stepped on the back of some guys shoe accidently, he looked at me and called me an asshole, fixed his shoe and walked off. SO in the matter of maybe 200 feet and maybe 2 minutes I was both a savior and an asshole.
Monday morning 11/24 6 AM. I've seen the "snow-thing" pix before, very creative. The anecdote that followed had me cracking up, loudly ---eliciting inquiries from colleagues such as "What's so funny?" and "What are you reading?" It's so true that man of all creatures has the infinite capacity for self delusion and the fear and terror surrounding the supermarket scenario was no exception. Glad you've long since conquered your fear. It's all in your head, rational intellect defeating irrational emotions. Ciao.
Can you guess how Greeks drive? Guess guess! ;)
Ass-backwards?
:) I dunno, How do Greeks drive?
If the rumours regarding NYC drivers are true, then Greeks drive twice as bad as they do...