When my eyes have been so red, I've been mistaken for dead...

Posted over 3 years ago

...But not tonight.This is one of my favorite songs ever. It's out of place on "Black Celebration," but I suppose the disconnect works.This song makes me want to get up and get out. Just drive somewhere, anywhere, I don't care. It reminds me of all the things I want to do with my life, and how I can't let the expectations of others dictate my path. At 26, I'm supposed to be married, have a couple kids, a home, stability. At least that's what I'm told, and that's what everyone around me seems to be doing. Well, I've got my own ideas about how things should work, and if I can just keep my head above water I can do this. Got to keep reminding myself that my life is fine as is, despite what my family or my society says. I'm not missing anything. I've had a couple chances to legally settle down, and I have always declined. I'm too young. I'm not ready. My 24-year-old cousin thinks she is, and she will do so in June. Good for her. How on Earth, at 24, she can know exactly what she wants out of life, so much so that she can honestly say "I want to wake up to this person's face for the next 50 years," is beyond me. But, now that she's going to take the plunge, all eyes are on me, again. I'm the last one. The only one who has refused the ring. And no one can understand why, no matter how many times I try to explain to them my logic in the matter. And you know, it brings one down, makes one feel like something is wrong with their thought processes when they don't think and act like everyone around them. Then I listen to songs like "But Not Tonight." And it reminds me that there is still so much out there for me to see and experience, and I'll be all the richer for it. It reminds me that my way is okay.It's funny how music does that.

Comments (8)

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rhymeswithrawk says At 26, I’m supposed to be married, have a couple kids, a home, stability. At least that’s what I’m told Dear God, woman. You and I are the same. Well, other than the gender thing and the fondness for the South thing. Thanksgiving at my dad's, during a conversation about my latest breakup, featured the lovely line, "You know, I was 24 years old when I had you." What makes it even more sad is that my mom said more or less the same thing when I was at her house about six months ago. Rock. And. Roll. Not my fault I can't find a girl with impeccable music taste and a love for grammar and Detroit. Beats divorce.

Permalink posted 11/26/2006
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carmensandiego says The same boat, indeed. I hope you don't go around correcting people's grammar, because that's my shtick.

Permalink posted 11/26/2006
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SWozniak says At 26, I’m supposed to be married, have a couple kids, a home, stability. At least that’s what I’m told I agree with you two. I'm told this, too, and I'm 24. Bugger that! I've got my Master's to finish, a stint in the Peace Corps to do, and a trip through the world of a Ph.D, and maybe a Fulbright with that. I'm enjoying life way too much right now. Settle down? Eh. No thanks.

Permalink posted 11/26/2006
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blueone51 says Here’s my perspective from a few years further down the road. At 26 I had yet to have a “real” job or a relationship that had lasted longer than 2 years. I had been a janitor, a grad student, a house painter and a music promoter more or less in that order and with a little overlap between all of them. I had lived with 2 women with both relationships crashing and burning mostly due to my lack direction. The difference between what I experienced and what it sounds like you’re going through is that my Dad always said to do whatever I wanted to regardless of what anyone else said or thought I should do. He always said that if digging ditches made you happy then dig ditches. Of course, the weird thing about having no expectations put on you is that, in the end, you create your own. I think that was the genius of my Dad: he allowed me to find my own way. OK, cliché time: listen only to yourself, please only yourself. Create the world in which you want to live. Is it going to be perfect, is it going to be everything you want? Hell no. But at least do it on your own terms.

Permalink posted 11/26/2006
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rhymeswithrawk says The same boat, indeed. I hope you don’t go around correcting people’s grammar, because that’s my shtick. You mean schtick. (Well, that's the main entry in the dictionary, anyway.) You forget that I am a copy editor; I get paid to point out the shortcomings of others, grammar and otherwise. :)

Permalink posted 11/26/2006
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rhymeswithrawk says And look! Mog.com loves you! You're one of its featured posts. Of course, I was up there yesterday, not to brag or anything. hehe

Permalink posted 11/26/2006
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esKIMo says I was 24 when I got married... was married for 7 years, happily married for about 5 1/2. Now I'm happily divorced. I think it would have worked had I been about 10 years older when I did it. Y'all have plenty of time!

Permalink posted 11/26/2006
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dead mike says stop having fun and have more babies! america needs more american babies! oh shit, i gotta get to work, i've not even created my replacement, yet...

Permalink posted 12/03/2006