WHERE MUSIC LISTENS TO YOU

The Arockalypse is February 8th.

Posted over 2 years ago
A lot of people say to me, "Brendan! I know you to be a fan of Finnish Monster Metal Band Lordi; when's their movie coming out?"Okay. Not one single person has said anything even close to that. In point of fact, I am the only person I know who is looking forward to the Lordi movie. In any case, it premieres in Finland on February 8th. No idea when it'll make it to the US, but I'm betting on a straight-to-DVD release here. Here is the official trailer (No, it's not premiering on August 2nd as the trailer seems to suggest. Remember that our European friends, in addition to being Rhapsody-impaired, write their dates incorrectly.)(I kid! I kid because I love!):I have to say I'm a little nervous. I like the haunted hospital thing (me and my friend Dominic were the only people who watched Kingdom Hospital): hospitals are inherently horrifying places where there are far more deaths per capita than just about any other kind of building. So far so good. But it looks like they're going to try to make this a real, straightforward horror movie. I see two problems with this. One: the brilliance of Lordi is in their cheesiness; if they're going to try to be un-cheesy, well, I'm not sure if they might not lose some of the magic. Two: the very presence of the latex-clad Lordi might insert some unintentional hilarity into what looks like an otherwise serious movie.But, then again, the bar for movies starring bands in makeup is set very, very low. Behold six minutes of KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park, a TV movie from the 70's. I have watched this entire movie two times. I'm sure not even Gene Simmons did that. The whole thing is up on youtube; if you have some sins you need to atone for, watching it might make a suitable penance. This particular scene evokes a great philosophical conundrum: what's worse, the special effects, or Paul Stanley's acting? Discuss!

Comments (8)

  1. Jonh Ingham says No conundrum. Paul Stanley. Though it required serious study. I noticed you left out the script in this philosophical conundrum. Is this because you have a sneaky admiration for people who can write so badly?
    Permalink posted 12/16/2007
  2. Iren says That looks interesting.. then again I am a sucker for Nordic film... speaking of which have you checked out the Danish TV series Kingdom which the Stephen King series was based on? I dug it quite a bit when I watched it several years back... oh oh and if you haven't seen Session 9... it's a must.. The funny thing as that I kept waiting for a GWAR like musical number to pop up as the trailer went on..
    Permalink posted 12/16/2007
  3. deadmandeadman says A philosophical conundrum he says! Which is worse, he asks! On a Sunday Morning no less! My head is spinnin' like the exorcist! Acting, he calls it! Great post, a lot of fun.
    Permalink posted 12/16/2007
  4. brendanhalpin says My admiration for people who can make money writing that badly is right out in the open--nothin' sneaky about it. I liked The Kingdom--the first 4 hours, anyway, which is all I saw. The image of that woman giving birth to a full-grown Udo Kier was truly horrifying. I actually found this the only Lars Von Trier project I could stand--seemed like he was so busy making fun of the Swedes that he almost forgot how much he hates women. And yeah, Session 9 is great. I actually used to work near that hospital-- my students used to break in and sneak around for kicks. Braver than I, obviously. And yeah, I suppose calling what Paul Stanley's doing there acting is a bit of a stretch. Glad you enjoyed it. When I'm not aiming to irritate, I aim to please...
    Permalink posted 12/16/2007
  5. deadmandeadman says Sometimes irritation is a blessing, said the oyster farmer.
    Permalink posted 12/16/2007
  6. Bartleby says Finland doesn't only export quirky little mobile phones but also latex-masked Metal rock bands. I'm not sure I'll buy that.
    Permalink posted 12/16/2007
  7. sam9muhr says Haha, didn'tk now they were making a movie...
    Permalink posted 12/17/2007
  8. dansemcabre says

    Holy shit a Lordi movie. Did this ever actually happen or was it just a stoner metalheads wet dream? Hopefully he's a better writer than Rob Zombie.

    Permalink posted 01/07/2009

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