I'm still all wrapped up in this song, but I've got nothing else in me beyond clever titles, so here is a thing from the tail end of a graveyard shift a few and a half years ago. I guess the song changes with the passage of time, or, better yet, I'm probably slightly further past the foolish idea that the icons of the 80s lack anything greater than kitsch value. Or maybe it's just that 2009 resembles 1985 a lot more than 2005 did. In any case, a story of love and perseverance got crammed in the middle somehow, and that's something we just can't get too much of in any era. For now, I'm going to put my best effort into recreating the night I wrote this:

I prefer to use the expression "got killed" instead of "died" when I mention the death of someone who died of anything but natural causes.

I developed a pretty serious case of nintendo thumb tonight. Its just all kind of numb now, but it still seems to function properly. I put everybody wants to rule the world in the cd player. it is programmed to repeat just that song indefinitely. I don't particularly like the song, i'm more or less ambivalent about it, I guess, but it makes me feel all nineteen eighty-something. Its a feeling that can be either good or bad, depending on circumstances and whatnot, but tonight it is just something different to feel.

I went to a chicken joint last night around ten o' clock with a coworker. He drove, parked in the lot, and as I was opening the door I saw a fairly large man gesturing menacingly and yelling something. I don't know what he was yelling, all I heard was noise, but as I closed the door to the truck I locked eyes with the man as he continued coming closer, not directly towards me, but closer to me. I couldn't really get a read on what sort of interaction he was hoping to have with me, so I said, "What?" hoping he would repeat whatever he had shouted.

We continued to make eye contact for a second, but he didn't offer any reply to my question so I turned towards the entrance of the restaurant and he shouted, "None of your fucking business!" So I realize at this point that it is a confrontation he wants. At that particular moment in time I didn't really care one way or another about getting into a fight. I had already looked him over and could tell that we were a pretty even match. He was a couple inches taller that me and I outweighed him by a little bit. He moved in a manner that indicated he wasn't exceptionally quick, and by the way he was acting, he might have been a little drunk. He was also at least ten years older than me.

Either way, whether I'm going to fight this guy or not, I know that I have to look at him. I can't stand there with my back turned to a guy who just might want to hurt me, so I turn around and see that his hands haven't yet clinched into fists, but he is still coming towards me. As our eyes meet, he says, this time well below a shout, "That's what you should have said to me... none of your fucking business." "Wha... oh," I say as I begin to turn back around to get some fucking chicken already, but then I see his hand shoot up in the air and he hangs it up next to his ear as if he wants a "high-five." I look him over for a second and figure that he wants to engage in some gesture that will signify that the little tiny bone we had to pick with each other has in fact been buried. I stick out my hand in the traditional handshake manner, as I don't "slap-five," or whatever it is the kids are calling it these days.

Do you remember when you were just a little thing and you were prone to such exhibitions of coolness and you would see, like, your third grade teacher do the high five thing with a student and the teacher would look all self conscious and awkward? At this stage in my life I find the various ways of doing this thing absurd and incredibly far removed from my station and style of life. As such, I cannot help but be self conscious when I try to be polite and take someone up on their offer of the high five. When I do it, I try to be arch about it, but most people just think I am either a total dork, or worse, that I am making fun of them, so most of the time I just offer the handshake in response as a way of meeting in the middle.

So anyways, the guy shakes my hand. I let go and begin to turn away again and he reaches his arms out all wide like he wants to give me a hug. So I gave him a hug, it was precious and awkward.

I begin to walk away again and he says, "hey man, can you do me a favor?" I look at him and say "What do you want?" He gives me a wounded look and mutters something to indicate that I have insulted his sensibilities and continues on with, "My family is waiting in the car and we got to get to seattle and..." I tell him that I only have four dollars, and that I think chicken costs five, so I should be asking him for money. "That's cool man," or some words to that effect come out of his mouth and he follows me into the chicken shop.

Now, as much as I didn't care if I got into a fight, I knew in unequivocal terms that I had no desire to make a friend that night, so I did my best to ignore him while I ordered my chicken a hoped like hell that he wasn't planning on sitting down with me at the table. Fortunately, he either knew or was attracted to one of the women working at the joint, which provided enough of a diversion for me to escape.

welcome to your life, there's no turning back.