The following story is as long and unpleasant as the following dog is cute:(picture stolen from internet)Chao took me to play poker at his coworker's house, and on the way home he declared that he wanted to get a beer. It was nearly one in the morning, so we just went to the bar next to my apartment. We got a couple beers and went out to the patio so that Chao could smoke a cigarette. We sto...
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Short of wearing a helmet, the sure-firingest -not to mention the rootin' tootinest- way to make things less dangerous is to turn the lights off. You might miss some details, like those three tattoos, but we all know that the devil resides amongst the details anyway, so turning out the lights is kind of like spooning with the lord, and I can't think of a safer place than that.
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One of the sad facts of moving house is that neighbors will often not recognize misanthropy until it literally smashes them upside the head with the blunt force of a mostly empty gin bottle. If you are anything like me, your gin bottles are ensconced in knickknacks and baubles meant to invoke the spirit and goodwill of lords and creators; cruciform baubles of lavender scent that juxtapose poor...
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I've got as much love in my heart as a thousand furry woodland babies. Two whole steps and one half step ago I had a love shaped hole in my heart; the type of hole that couldn't be filled with trifles and trinkets like gold, frankincense, and Jesus. Only love was able to fill the hole, the kind of love so thick and rich that a fork stands up in it, the Dennison's Chili or Campbell's Chunky of...
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Yoshi and me know how to have a good time. Sure, there are some risks, but sometimes you've got to grab the Bowser by the horns if you're ever going to truly understand what it is to be alive.It seems like it should make me sad that the best days of my life were created by mode 7 multi-layer graphics processing, but it doesn't. I'm one of the lucky ones, one of the thousands upon thousands wh...
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In history, like everything else, none of the actors are ever entirely innocent, nor are they entirely evil. A good rule of thumb is that all stories are derived from incidents in which two or more parties behaved poorly, and in the case of history, say as much about the storytellers as the subjects.The American Experience website has an interesting account of the Zoot Suit Riots that takes an...
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Sadly, unfunny is the new black in the comedy world. The Onion's AV Club recently ran an article describing the decidedly hit-and-miss Andy Samberg as "an emissary from a bold new comedy world... [where] the superstars of tomorrow made their names and reputations by making silly homemade videos, then releasing them online rather than playing open-mic nights or doing Second City." Yeah, it sounds
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Me neither, I always just assumed it was symptomatic of a zombie deficiency. It's hotter'n the blazes in here, I've got a twelve pack of cold ones in the fridge and no intention to repent. Too bad for the neighbors if they don't wanna hear it; I'm out of here in a month, and I don't like the cuts of their jibs, anyhow... Here's to the walking dead, all of them, but most specifically, Zombie ...
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Some days I honestly can't believe I get paid to do my job. The last few days have seen me hanging out on a barge on the Willamette, sunny weather flirting with eighty degree temperatures. It's like living an Otis Redding song without the crushing existentialism. I come home with a tan and just enough dirt ground into my plams to give my life meaning, ease into my Samsonite metal folding cha...
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So I says to the trucker, I says, "I'd better shovel that little guy up before you drive over and smoosh him through the grizzlies." The trucker gazed at the bird for a moment, then gave me a quizzical look and inquired, "Where did that come from?" Either he was bullshitting me or his brain had been teased. Whichever it was, for a moment there, I was deeply moved by the situation. I found a...
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