A few words before we get started. Based upon some of the conversations and correspondences I've been part of recently, I feel like I'm making some headway, while at the same time, striking more than a few nerves. Thanks to everyone who has helpfully suggested guidelines. Trust me, the biggies are coming; according to my math, I have 6 more weeks after today. And thanks as well to everyone who has suggested that I'm a no-fun son-of-a-bitch. There's a lot of truth to that, but these are behaviors that put a spur under my saddle! And I'm willing to bet that even old Moses himself padded his commandments to fit his personal agenda. So, let's get on with it.

A couple years back, television manufacturers began dropping the prices of big screen TVs in hopes that they could sell those behemoths to normal folks. One company (sadly, I can't remember which) aired a commercial that featured the stereotypical happy family (right down to the Golder Retriever, if memory serves) crowded around their flagship set, seemingly entranced by the onscreen picture of The Grand Canyon. Of course, when the camera pulled back, it was revealed that the TV was sitting at the edge of, wait for it, The Grand Canyon. Get it? The family, given equal opportunity to enjoy the TV reproduction or the real deal, opted for the TV. I can't help but think about that commercial every time I am forced to try to enjoy a concert though a jungle of cameraphone-clutching upstretched arms. Enough already...

Thou Shall Not Take Crappy Pictures With Your Phone

When Smashing Pumpkins played St. Paul last year, Billy Corgan's appearance onstage was greeted equally by cheers and cameraphones stretched skyward. It was comical, and lucky me had the option of watching the Pumpkins through approximately 500 1"x1" low-resolution screens. Most people around me spent the majority of the show working through this process:

1. Snap picture with phone
2. Evaluate picture
3. Decide it's shite
4. Delete picture
5. Return to step 1

Why? I just did a Google image search for Billy Corgan and it returned 75,500 images. I then spelled his name incorrectly (Billy Corrigan) and I got another 89,500. Do you really need to take 50 more with your phone? Chances are you'll never look at those pictures again. In fact, it's likely that 99% of those pictures were deleted 3 nights later to take pictures of Arcade Fire, which themselves were deleted to document a potato chip that looked like Sorrell Booke.

I know. You'll show your pictures to friends the next day. Bad idea. Never show friends pictures of your kids, your pets, your rashes or concerts you attend. They'll just never be able to match your enthusiasm, you'll get a little pissed and it'll just be uncomfortable for everyone. Even worse, your friend may mistake your prized candid pic of Justin Vernon for an action shot of a goat kicking its way out of a monkey's stomach. How are you going to feel then?

Now, I'm not saying that cameraphones are inherently evil or useless. If you're at a county fair and catch a barbershop quartet of Elvis, D.B. Cooper, Tupac and Bigfoot performing Daisy Bell , by all means, snap away. And there are worse things for your career than snapping a pic of your boss, sans trousers, at his bachelor party. Otherwise, here's a crazy idea. Just enjoy the damn show. Listen. Watch. Form memories; they'll last way longer than your phone and will ultimately serve you much better than another 50 blurry, overexposed and heavily pixelated pictures of James Murphy partially obscured by my fat head. But if you still feel you need pictures, guys like MOKB's own Dave Evans are doing their thing to make sure there are plenty of great pictures online by the time you get home.

Previous Guidelines:

Number I: Thou Shall Not Puke
Number II: Thou Shall Not Fart
Number III: Thou Shall Not Smoke