Def Leppard - “Foolin’” Summer 1983 In the...

Def Leppard - "Foolin'"

Summer 1983

In the boardroom of Mercury Records, at a conference table, painted to look like a Union Jack in the wind and covered with pizzas and six packs of beer, sit the members of British heavy metal band Def Leppard (singer Joe Elliot, guitarist Steve "Steamin'" Clark, guitarist Phil Collen, bassman Rick Savage and drummer Rick Allen), their manager, and video director David Mallet.

The bands next single, "Foolin'", is to be released in August. The band and their manager discuss ideas for a video with Mallet.

Manager: Well gents? What d'ya think about a video?

Rick Allen: (A slice of pizza in his mouth ) Eydoejuanahwhairahshhurrt!

David Mallet: I'm sorry, I didn't catch that.

Rick Savage: He said, "I don't wanna wear a shirt."

Mallet: Oh. Alright. Shirts can be optional.

Allen, clutching a slice of pizza in one hand and a beer in the other, sticks his thumbs up and out as much as possible without losing grip of the items.

Steve "Steamin'" Clark: Now I've been really thinking about this boys. The idea originally came to me in a dream. It's of a bird all dressed in black, playing a harp—-

Phil Collen: A bloody harp, Steve?!

Clark: You didn't let me finish, mate! It's of a bird all dressed in black, playing a harp…surrounded by a ring of fire!

Collen: Oh. That's not so bad, Steve. Bloody brilliant, actually.

Mallet: So a woman, in black, playing a harp, surrounded by a ring of fire?

Clark: Yes. That's your video.

Mallet: We should probably have a little bit more, uh, activity. Perhaps we can have some kind of cult performing a medieval ritual? You guys being the cult.

Allen: (Chewing upon another slice ) Nnnohhklhoakksssshurrtellussskuhhlt!

Mallet: Sorry?

Savage: He said, "No cloaks. Shirtless cult."

Mallet: Alright, then. A shirtless—-

Joe Elliot: I will be the sacrificial lamb! Yes! On a table straight outta James Bond! None of this medieval business. It's 1983, boys. We need neon and giant skulls brimming with green smoke and—-

Clark and Collen: (In unison ) And the skulls can be on top of pillars that look like fretboards!

The guitarists look at each other, amazed at sharing the exact same idea, touch their beer cans together and then chug them.

Mallet: (Now writing down the ideas ) Skulls on fretboards.

Manager: Now gents? Don't you think you should show off the goods?

Elliot: If you're asking if our pants will be tight, they bloody will be!

The band has a good laugh.

Manager: Very funny, gents. I mean, with a performance.

Mallet: Yes, that's a good idea. We can have a nice blend of performance and, uh, imagery that you've all suggested.

Allen: (Again, pizza in mouth ) Whhuhttuhbowtuhthassnaatucchhh?!

Mallet looks immediately to Savage for translation.

Savage: He asked, "What about the snatch?"

Clark: We've got the bird in black, playing harp in a ring of fire, Rick.

Elliot: No, let's add another. She can be like a gypsy with a crystal ball, watching me writhe on the table of sacrifice. But like, she's so hot for me that her powers break my bonds and I am free to rock!

Collen: I like that, Joe.

Mallet: (Finishes writing down the ideas ) Well, guys, I think I have enough to work with here. (To the manager ) Just let me know when they've got a couple of days to shoot this thing.

Manager: Certainly, David.

The men get up from the table and begin to exit the room. Allen hangs back while the rest file out, grabs the rest of the pizza and beer, then leaves.