I think my first post here was about Soundgarden
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My last post was about Michel Legrand. About getting back in touch with my father and then him dying from cancer. I went on a major nosedive right after that.I had a roommate who was an obsessive compulsive neat-freak. Who was literally starting to drive me insane. I mean for real. Ever know someone who was always trying to drag you into their problems? Make their problems into your problems. Well that was her in a nutshell. It got worse after my father died. It was like she was trying to compete with me in some bizarre game of misery. Not to get too dramatic, but if I hadn't moved out when I did someone was gonna get hurt.I was living in the hood in Oakland. I had the rear window of my pickup smashed in because I had the temerity to call the cops about all the crack dealers up and down the street. I was getting tired of driving and hour and a half to go 5 miles to downtown SF all the time. I wanted to move, but I didn't know where I wanted to go.My way to deal with all this stuff was to drink ALL the time and smoke pot ALL the time. Get home from work at 6 or 7 pm. Kill a sixpack plus a couple extra singles. Kill a pint of Cuervo. Smoke half an eight of weed. Smoke half a pack of cigarettes. Go to bed. Next day, do that again. I was going on like that for about 6 months.This became my theme song.Whatsoever I've feared has come to lifeWhatsoever I've fought off became my lifeJust when everyday seemed to greet me with a smileSunspots have fadedAnd now I'm doing timeCause I fell on black daysCause I fell on black daysWhomsoever I've cured I've sickened nowWhomsoever I've cradled I've put you downA searchlight soul they sayBut I can't see it in the nightI'm only faking when I get it rightWhen I get it rightCause I fell on black daysCause I fell on black daysHow would I knowThat this could be my fate?So what you wanted to see good has made you blindAnd what you wanted to be yours has made it mineSo don't you lock up something that you wanted to see flyHands are for shakingNo, not tyingNo, not tyingI sure don't mind a changeBut I fell on black daysHow would I knowThat this could be my fate
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