Heartachingly Beautiful and Haunting--The Antlers give us "Hospice"
-
Artist:
-
Album:
-
Track:
I have a love/hate relationship with "Best of..." lists. I love to read them--am compelled to read them, actually--but then I hate that many of the compiled lists and critic's favored slipped past me. This year's Best of lists were no different. Grizzly Bear? I gave them an early listen but was all "meh" about them. Cymbals Eat Guitars--who? Never heard of them. And The Antler's Hospice? Who wants to listen to an entire album about death and sickness? That would be like watching CNN Headline News while chewing broken glass, IMO.
Another thing I hate, though, is to be ignorant about one thing I love, and that's music. My personal opinion is that it's ok for me not to like Animal Collective's latest as long as I've actually listened to Animal Collective's latest. So I have spent some time with Grizzly Bears, Cymbals and Death, oh my. And what I found was "meh", "hmmm", and "gasp--that's gorgeous"
Hospice is indeed about dying. In some of the most perfect lyrics, it chronicles the path of pain, sorrow, blame, guilt and quiet medical monitors with no giving in to the Hollywood. There's no joy to be found here, no "I'll follow you into the dark" promises. From beginning to end, this is a real story of untimely, ugly death. And, surprisingly, it is beautiful in its honesty and starkness.
The album begins with the wordless Prologue. The sounds at the start are reminiscent of unhealthy breathing in the quiet of a midnight ICU, followed by slow almost tuneless music. This is a sonic warning; the next 50+ minutes will be dire.
The next few songs give us the couple's introduction. A patient and a caregiver. Clearly, we are shown the anger the ill woman feels, the hate and the blame she has for the healthy around her. Just as clearly we are shown how he falls for her, how he falls in love, despite the abuse and despite any hope for a happily ever after ending.
"I wish that I had known in that first minute we met, the unpayable debt that I owed you" Kettering
There's treatments and doctor visits, personal dramas and recriminations. You can feel his hopelessness and the frustrations in songs like Bear and Two but we get to hear her voice only in the three minutes of Thirteen and it is razor sharp in it's agony.
Bear
The strengths and weaknesses of her caregiver are painted so clearly and are so blatent. We can understand why he hides in the hall, waiting for the "hurricane to blow" while she rails and rants and why he hopes she isn't going to come home and waits behind closed doors for what ever comes next.
"It was easier to lock the doors and kill the phone than to show my skin, because the hardest thing is never to repent for someone else, it's letting people in" Wake
Of course the story ends with her passing and it isn't an easy death, not for her and not for him. Her suffering has ended but his hasn't. One wonders if it ever will.
"I've woken up, I'm in our bed but there's no breathing body there beside me. Someone must have taken you while I was stuck asleep. But I know better as my eyes adjust. You've been gone for quite awhile now..." Epologue
Probably this isn't an album for everyone, but I hope that you will give it a listen. Maybe it's my healthcare education that makes this so profound but I don't know if I've ever heard such an honest work. Death isn't often pretty and there's nothing pretty about the one illustrated in Hospice. The only thing angelic is the voice singing their story. Still, I think I am better for having paid attention. Spin this auditory punch to the solar plexus a time or two. Tell me if you feel its power. Tell me if you agree.
Two
Locating MOG account...
Comments (29)
Beautiful writeup, and a beautiful photo. I love how the bokeh wraps the subject in a cloud. I'll give this album a spin. Hopefully, I like it as much as the picture.
I found these videos from this album, offered by the always excellent la blogotheque take away shows.
The Antlers - Two / Epilogue - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.
and
The Antlers - Shiva - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.
Thanks, Mike. I found the album seriously emotionally moving. For some reason, that was the photo that immediately came to mind when I wrote the post. Beautiful but dead applies, I guess.
Thanks Amber!!!
Hmmmm - I'm far more "meh" about this than the wonderful Cymbals Eat Guitars
I knew there was a reason I didn't listen past once when the folks at Tell All Your Friends PR (who represent them) sent this album to me.
Ah, but to each their own ;-)
You know, I didn't give this group much attention, because the style of the singer was not my cuppa. But, The story kinda hits home. My wife's step mom wasted away from Alzheimer.
She was a manipulator and verbal abuser of my wife and pretty much separated her from her dad out of jealousy. She didn't want any other woman getting her husband's attention, even if it was his only daughter.
Long story short, lot's of mixed feels arose from that lingering death and being sad for her dad and for this woman being the bitter manipulator she had been to my wife, but also glad it was over.
I have a concert I never listened to, but now I think I'll post it for SNL tonight, since this is one of the best of last year in many people's book. It will counter balance my Gibbardish treat I have for you too.
Glad you went there, Amber.
Excellent piece! It is interesting that you mention AC and GB, 'cause to me the sounds are similar...my catchphrase is calliope rock. Sonically these groups draw from all over, acoustic,electric, and pop (especially Beach Boys), all with this swriling, spinning feeling..(as opposed to rock which is linear to me). This is enticing to me.
The lyrics of those other two bands aren't as decipherable as these, which are, as you say..pretty damn direct. They don't connect with me as much as say..Chocolate Genius' album about his mom with Alzheimers but I definitely see where you are coming from. I think you write about it better, but the feeling Antlers gave you is something very similar (I think) to what I got out of Chocolate Genius, and for that reason, I will dig further into this Antlers record..although, as I say in my post, it's not actually a feeling I want to have all the time. I can definitely appreciate it though.
Thanks to you and RX for letting us in a little. I appreciate that too.
'Tis indeed a beautiful album. I had forgotten about it until one of the NPR All Songs Considered dude chose it for his year end list. Lovely, beginning to end.
Cool to see a fellow mogger digging it and spreading the word.
A great 2010 to you Amber and all my Moggistani brethen!
-G.
Dave: I LOVE Cymbals Eat Guitars...but that's another post. I was "meh" about Grizzly Bear...and I still am. That one isn't gonna gel for me, I think.
Rex-I'm sorry for your wife and for her father. I have been alienated from my father by his wife and haven't talked to him for several years because of it. A couple of days ago I got a phone call from my sister telling me of his declining health and now I have the decision to make: do I go visit him, sacrificing the peace I've made with myself? I still don't know what I'm going to do. This is possibly part of why this album resonated for me.
Cody--I agree about GB and AC...and (dare I say) Radiohead, none of which I am a big fan of. I find that sort of music...soft and I like my music with more edge. I think swirly and linear are just another way to say this. As Dave said: "each to their own"! Viva la difference! I hadn't heard of the Chocolate Genius album, but you can bet I'll look into it. I hope your dive into Hospice is ...well, not enjoyable but worthwhile and rewarding.
G: totally digging it, even as it makes me contemplative. Great 2010 to you too, my friend!
Lovely album, and I can honestly say that I would have not checked it out without your input. Thanks. :)
Its only fair, Dale. How many albums have you shown me the light on? It is lovely, isn't it?
I took my time getting to this because it was a long post. Little did I know it was about death & dying. Excellent write up Amber. I'm a tad apprehensive about listening to this since I lost Johnathan last year & the anniversary of his death is near the end of this month. I have a feeling this will bring up 'stuff', ya know?
But I will give it a listen. I listened to The Mt. Goats new one & actually my fave song on the album is about his experience of a loved one dying of cancer & it's a gorgeously poignant song. So we'll see what I think of this. I'll report back.
I love 'Two'. But 'Epilogue' almost made me cry, it was so sad, yet it was stunningly beautiful. I think this album may become a favorite soundtrack to my continued grieving. Thx dear.
I knew it would be a strong one for you to hear, August. But as someone said to me, "dying never sounded so beautiful" and he was right. Heartfelt and tragic and gorgeous. i've had it on repeat for a while now.
In many ways, dying is a very beautiful thing. It really brings out the best in people & you find out who your real friends are(conversely, it also brings out the worst in people too). While J was dying I never felt so much love from everyone around me. It was like the universe had opened up and said 'Yes, there are so many people who care for you & are here for you.' It was something I hadn't felt before of that magnitude. It was very spiritual.
I also learned so much about the process of dying & I have J to thank for that. I felt like I was outside of myself watching the whole process and my reaction to it. It really was a beautiful thing & I think this album captures that to a large extent. Thx for sharing it dear!
Wow this is really really good. Your post is fantastic as well. I'll have to listen to more of these guys.
I am humbled by your words, August. I'm glad I did share it. ::hug::
Todd: you are too kind! I just HAD to post about this album--it is so amazing and powerful. Glad you liked it.
Dunno how I happened to stumble upon this tonite, but I did. We just heard today that the 22 yr old son of one of the Moms who helps at our local high school just didn't wake up this morning - died in his sleep (cause as yet unknown). My wife is a hospice nurse, also.
Lovely post and lovely music. Thanks for this.
MM
That's horrible. Its bad enough when someone loved dies, but 22...that's just unnatural. So sad.
It is lovely music and thanks for the kind words on my post.
I heard of a woman whose son had died. She prayed to God to give him back to her again. He said, "I'll give him back to you. But first you visit every house in town and find at least one house that has not been touched by death. We all know the rest. We've hit on something in this album whether we would normally go for this music or not (and I'm with you guys who said pretty much not). Man! We lost our first son when he was only a baby. We had the three weeks in the hospital and the day the doctor said it will come within two days. How it felt to come out of there after he slipped away in our arms and went home. Yeah. This is a remarkable work for capturing that type of thing.
Augustus1: Feel the healing arms of the Lord in this time. I've had three friends to call and talk, who just spent the first Christmas without their loved ones. I hope you feel the peace of having people who care about you.
I must say, Amber: There is a difference between making peace with yourself about an estranged parent and making peace with HIM. Especially if someone ELSE was responsible for the estrangement. I am one of many men who had a difficult relationship with their fathers. When he was to have heart surgery, I flew to Baltimore from Pittsburgh where I was living to see him before the operation, but he just up and died before my plane landed. I don't know if my feelings or his would be different had I made it there and seen him one last time. But who knows? I can't tell you what to do. But I'd go for it. (PS: as the plane approached the runway at BWI, I looked down and its shadow passed through a cemetary.)
Spike: Losing a child has got to be the most excruciating experience ever. I'm so sorry.
thank you for your advice on my situation. I guess I shouldn't say it was all his wife's fault. My dad was a grown man; he could make his own decisions. He decided to follow her lead. I guess that's what makes it difficult for me to go to him. I just don't know if he'll care now, anymore than he did then.
Daddy issues. :S
I can't guarantee that HE will care, but I bet YOU do.
I was just looking back at what you wrote before for any further clues. But I just got a jolt from what you wrote just now. I guess he was thinkin' with the wrong part of his anatomy then. But if he lost a child because of it, that must hurt.
Usually,we don't know what to say at a time like this. Maybe we think we have to say something profound. But just being there can mean more than something we said.
Beautiful post, tunes, comments.
When you appear on my Mog page, you'll be going from the sublime to the ridiculous. :-)
Good. I prefer the ridiculous and wear it well. Note: purple/blue hair.
Note to self: ask Amber about her mad hair.
I will have to listen to more of them......but for a first listen, I am truly impressed! Obsessions, oh yeah!
just when I think I've been released from my Antler's obsession, Andrea drags me back in...
thanks for that, BTW
my pleasure :-)
Fortunately I normally don't pay attention to the lyrics except for their sonic qualities as the mesh with the music. Otherwise I would be a blubbering idiot with the pain remembered; just reading about all of the emotional turmoil has me teary. I do agree with Spike 1, you need to attempt closure with a physical visit before it becomes unattainable; forever is a long time. Nice sonics, thanks.