Why Liz Phair sucks now...

Van Stuard — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 05:02:29 GMT

I recently put a video of La Liz on my myspace profile with a caption/disclaimer stating that I'd love to have met her in the early to mid nineties, not today. The song that I put up is called "Rocket Boy" and performing on it with her is a disappointingly little known power pop band called Material Issue. Now Liz was once a beautiful woman that sang slightly off-key ditties about fucking backwards so that she could watch the TV, and taking off after sex, and pretty much said things that only guys were supposedly allowed to say in rock songs. Well, at least on her first couple of records. Today, shes a older, yet still beautiful woman trying desperately to become Sheryl Crow (on whose hideous "Soak Up the Sun" she sings backups) whilst wearing leather hot pants and teeny tiny shirts that expose her oh-so-sexy undergarments. No doubt she is underwritten by Victoria's Secret. Undergaments... underwritten... heh, I slay me.

ANYWAY, so I was thinking to myself today as I was rewatching "Rocket Boy" (and thinking that maybe I should have used "Whip-Smart" instead) that it is sad that I don't love Ms. Phair the way I once did. This line of thinking naturally led me to doing a little research into the subject. Now, obviously, the main thing has to come down to the music. With each album, Liz seemed to lose a little luster for me. Exile In Guyville always makes best of the 90's lists, and rightfully so. I'm not sure that it holds up as well as many critics believe, but for me it is still a great record. Whip-Smart was an excellent followup with more lush instrumentation. It didn't sound nearly as "indie" as Exile, and didn't sell as well, though I recall the publicity machine to be in full swing for that record.

For me, it all went downhill from there. A decent EP was released (Juvenilia) which collected some of her old Girly Sound songs with some other odds and ends. Then came Whitechocolatespacegg. This was the beginning of many producers, several songwriters and convoluted ideas for Liz. Every record after that sounded like an attempt to get played on any radio station that gravitated toward mid-tempo female schlock singers. Recently she played Exile in its entirety to decent audience approval but to critical pans by critics such as Chicago Sun-Times music writer Jim DeRogatis.

So where did it all go wrong? Unchecked ambition? Early overrating by wowed music critics? I think that it all starts here: Entertainment Weekly recently put together a list of the top 100 records since 1983, dubbing them the "new classics" Now, don't even get me started on that list... it is random and poorly thought out and perhaps another day. EW also let Ms. Phair cobble together a list of her favorite "lazy sunday" records; and it is from this list that I think that we can gather some clues:

LIZ PHAIR PICKS 10 HER NEW CLASSIC LAZY SUNDAY CDs

1. Third Eye Blind Third Eye Blind (1997)
2. Kid A Radiohead (2000)
3. Flutterby Butterfly Boucher (2004)
4. These Streets Paolo Nutini (2007)
5. Graceland Paul Simon (1986)
6. The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill Lauryn Hill (1998)
7. The Chronic Dr. Dre (1992)
8. Brown Sugar D'Angelo (1995)
9. The Road to Ensenada Lyle Lovett (1996)
10. In Between Dreams Jack Johnson (2005)

Now, I'm not going to attack the list as a whole, there's some decent stuff there, and also at least one title that I know nothing about. Let's focus, shall we on:

a) the two records made by African-Americans that everyone over 35 and under 45 own,

b) the record by the white guy who used Africans to make his music not sound like every record that he had made since the mid sixties, and

c) the obvious WTF factor.

First of all... Dr. Dre ain't lazy Sunday music unless you smoke a lot of dope, and even then, if you are going to be obvious, play some Bob Marley while you blaze up. Further, everybody who has never at some point owned that Lauryn Hill record hold up your hand. If you are under 35, remove yourself from the count. Now, everyone who no longer owns it, put your hand down. Now how many of YOU still listen to it? Somewhere my brother is going, "HEY!" Yeah, dude, even YOU haven't listened to that record since 2002. The point is this... I love that Lauryn record, and to some degree the Dre, too. I'm not putting it on my top anything list though, because neither of them have come off of the shelf in years. They aren't relevant, and they belong in a time capsule. Like Whitechocolatespacegg. Secondly, Paul Simon, really? Another great record that I'm just not buying that Liz listens to on a regular basis. On the other hand, maybe it makes her feel multi-cultural while keeping her from investigating actual African music or Reggae. Hey Liz? I recommend The Indestructible Beat of Soweto and maybe some Black Uhuru. You can smoke your ganja to that too. Thirdly, THIRD EYE BLIND? Now, I'm going to take a little heat for this, but last time I checked, Liz, you aren't under 30. Is this your attempt to "still listen to what the kids listen to"? They don't. Ask your pal DeRo. And finally... Jack Johnson. It's okay Liz, lots of moms smoke the marijuana. Just make sure the nanny has the kid, okay?

Look, you (the literal "you", not La Liz) can listen to whatever you want. I'm sure that I have more than a few things in my record collection that would make you giggle. It just concerns me that someone whose songs used to mean so much to me is listening to such white bread stoner crap while continuing to make the soundtrack to the NCAA Women's Basketball Championships. Of course, she had to ask her old pal Brad Wood to tell her who the "coolest record label" was when shopping her demos pre-Exile. Maybe she just needs a guiding hand. I'm here for you Liz, I'm right here.

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Why Liz Phair sucks now...