Thrill-Of-The-Chase
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I fucking love 80's music. There. I said it. It seems to be such a guilty pleasure for so many of us. I can just picture it, hundreds of people huddled in the corner of their bathroom, lights off, rocking out to Careless Whispers by WHAM!. I think it's high time that we stopped being ashamed of our synthesizer love affair and demand that more songs feature prominent clapping. Its ashame that the 80's genre is so marred with the notion that 99.9% of it is campy, up-tempo crap. I think the period led to some of the most creative and ground breaking musicin years. One need only look at the New Wave revival thats sweeping the current music scene; If you dont have cool synthy keyboards in a song now, it's just not cool. I think the would would be a much better sounding place if everyone just make a little room in their music collection for some Roxy Music, New Order, Debbie Deb, or Taco. And please, wake me up before you go...go.
Quick tip for you wanna-be ballas out there...fastest way to get a girl to sweat you-
A Mix CD.
Who knew it was that simple? All these years you've wasted hard earned cash on candy, flowers, expensive dinners and Designer Impostor Cologne and all it took was a Memorex 80 min CD-R! Granted, a truly excelent mix CD is a difficult thing to perfect (just ask my roomate)...but with these easy to follow tips you'll be knee deep in some sweet sweet- er cuddle time before you know it.
First you have to decide what kind of CD you want to make. Consider it carefully, the mix will only work if tailored specifically to the woman in question.
- Sappy Mix- Choose this mix if somewhere in your room is a immasculating collage of pictures of you two that your woman made for you, and which she has forced you to hang in a conspicuous place. Also choose this mix if the girl your after's room is filled with Precious Moments figurines, or if you know she'd call what you're planning to do to her "making love."
Fill this CD with looooots of John Mayer and Ryan Cabrerra if you're white, or if you're black suppliment with souLDecision, a little Baby Face, and maybe finish it off with a dash of Brian McKnight. The key is to make them cry. To women, crying equates to happiness. No the time she cried when you slept with her best friend doesn't apply (Don't I Wish).
- Trendy Mix- This mix is perfect for that Sorority girl you've been chasing around. Give this to the girl YOU know is hot, but probably should have been hugged and told she was pretty a little more often by Daddy. This CD is prefect for the girl you're not expecting any truly deep or insightfull conversation from, but that you're almost positive you saw on that Girls Gone Wild Video.
This CD is by far the easiest to make. Just head to the local Wal-Mart and jot down the artists featured on their top 10 rack. Be sure to cater to specific tastes...the girls who loves Country or Death Metal are always the hardest to spot. Or a much easier option is to simply burn a copy of NOW THATS WHAT I CALL MUSIC 293...trust me, she WON'T know the difference.
- Edgy Mix- Rely on this mix if the girl you're chasing is clearly a thousand times smarter and cooler than you ( Yeah Yeah, I know, impossible). If she wears sweet vintage band shirts, a studded belt, has a hair-do that seemes to defy the laws of physics or can breakdance, this mix is for her. WARNING: A bad mix WILL result in this girl ditching you and taking any sense of selfworth you hold for yourself with her.
You're going to have to scour pretty hard to track down some new shit that she's never heard of. But don't fret, be sure to check out Blender and Rolling Stone for up-and-comming artists. If you're basing the mix off TRL Live, throw a few pots in the microwave and set it to HIGH...it will drastically improve the mix. If you've heard it on the radio, skip it. If you saw the band on TV, skip it. If you heard about them through those mini CD's you get on top of your drinks at the movies, skip it. On second thought, don't even bother. You're just going to wind up making an ass of yourself on this one, I speak from experience.
So say you've made it this far, you have a Mix CD you feel is perfect for the girl you're trying to spit game at, what next?
- Print A Label- Nothing says, "This took me 2 minutes to make" like scribbling something on top of the CD in permanent marker. Take the time, print a label. Does it have to be amazing? No. Does it have to be artistic? No, but it helps. Just put something simple, a quote from one of the songs, or your and her name...anything to boost your chances of the CD not becomming her new coaster.
- Do NOT Make A Track Listing- The most common rookie mistake in CD mixing is including a list of the songs. Why, you may ask? If she likes the CD, it almost definatly guarantees a second date. If she already knows a song, she knows it. If she doesn't, how's she going to find out who sang it etc? From YOU dumbass. Plus it adds a bit of mystery to the experience, a wonderful aural journey to be explored and discovered...chicks eat that stuff up.
So there you have it, a fail-safe guide to a mix CD that will almost guarantee a romantic encounter. That is if you worked on your stutter, stopped shopping at K-Mart, bathed once in a while, invested in a tooth-brush, and mannaged to curb that compulsion to viggorously mastrubate in public places.
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lol, i love this. It would definitely be a way to my heart anyway. But as stated above, you have to know a little about the girl in question. For me it would be the edgy mix, but i'm not opposed to things I've heard or heard of, the best would be artists i've heard good things about but haven't gotten around to listening to yet. If you think she would be interested in your favorites, throw them in too, I'd certainly appreciate that. Anyway, awesome post and best of luck to anyone trying to make a great mix for someone special. ;)
Excellent post, I must say. I made a girl a CD in a past relationship as a part of her birthday present, and boy was the rest of that present sweet. :)
I like my music QUIRKY. As far as I'm concerned the stranger the song, the better. Fortunately for me, I live in a digital world where every second new genres and sounds collide. If i get bored with one "scene" I need only wait fifteen minutes and a new one emerges. I think few can argue that the majority mainstream music broadcast over the airwaves and television is completely devoid of style and substance. Granted there are a few excellent exceptions (most of which were produced by Timbaland), but for the most part it's crap. Enter quirky music. With just a little hunting, one can find some marvelous indie/foreign bands that produce some truly genre bending, if not just interesting music. I've included the track below, not because it's particularly "strange," but because they take a classic 60's-70's sound and reconstruct it. They take a great beat, throw in some charming whistling, echoing vocals and great up tempo moments to assemble a song that you'll be hard pressed to get out of your head. I've never claimed to be good at defining genres, but im not sure that bothers me. I think too often we try to fit expansive music into far too confining classifications. So take a chance, branch out, take five minutes out of your day and dive headfirst into some truly strange music, you might be surprised at what surfaces.
Comments
great posts! i see you are into survival lit - zombies and robots encroaching on you? i love great synths in songs and claps, but i am soooo picky about 80's music and new wave. i prefer my synths and claps with killer hip hop....