PROTIPS: Kid Rock edition
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Artist:
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Album:
Last October, Kid Rock topped the charts with his first release in 4 years, modestly titled Rock N' Roll Jesus. The self-proclaimed music deity instantly hit #1 with the album on the Billboard 200 chart. The current single, "All Summer Long," swooped into the Billboard Hot 100, eventually reaching #1, certified platinum by the RIAA. The second single, "Amen," reached #11 on mainstream rock and #27 on Modern Rock stations.
Clearly we have some learning to do from Mr. Rock, so I've analyzed the "All Summer Long" hit single along with the second single, "Amen" and I've come up with some Protips to live by to achieve success. NOTE: For a context to these tips/maximum learning potential, I recommend view the videos first.
CHAPTER 1: WEREWOLVES IN LONDON SWEET HOME ALABAMA ALL SUMMER LONG
PROTIP1: Efficiency. Don't waste your time writing a chord progression or anything like that. Take two memorable hooks from classic rock hits and combine them. One's your verse, the other's the chorus. Efficient, time-saving, and technically upon release your song is already two classic songs. Bam.
PROTIP2: Rhyme only when convenient. For example, rhyming "things" with "things." No specific scheme needed; again, timewaster.
PROTIP3: Use the word "internet" in your lyrics.
CHAPTER 2: AMEN
PROTIP4: Audience relation should always be at the forefront of a songwriter's mind. It's important to write a song with the intention of making the audience rise up with fists in the air and proclaim:
A) "YEAH!"
B) "HELL YEAH!"
C) "AMERICA!"
D) "I AGREE/SYMPATHIZE WITH THESE STATEMENTS!"
Examples of statements which stir listeners to these actions:
A) starving kids dying in Africa
B) soldiers dying in the Middle East
C) just let me smoke my weed
Showing various everyday American families in their natural territory also boosts up the "HELL YEAH" count.
Fact: The number of "HELL YEAH"s is directly translatable into iTunes purchase stats.
PROTIP5: Ensure listeners that despite your blasphemous album title, you are a man of faith. Example: "God damnit, I'm scared to send my children to church."
PROTIP6: Showing 9/11 = 5 additional spot-boosts up the Billboard charts. If you don't see the chart boost occur within 5-7 business days please contact Toby Keith at 1-800-AMERICA.
That's all I've got for Kid Rock Protips, but hopefully I've helped you learn how to achieve fuller success and gain the status of the son of God, musically.
HELL YEAH!
-The Benson
Locating MOG account...
Comments (6)
haha, great post. I heard a song on the radio the other day, and just remember saying to myself, wow, this is absolute cheese, possibly the worst lyrics ever written! I sat through the train wreck because I wanted to find out who wrote this masterpiece and sure enough, it was Kid Rock. How do people not feel like they just got punk'd after buying his records?
PRotip7-Make sure to be friends with WAL MArt. That's where your customer base shops.
ProTip 8 - Make sure it's just enough 'country' to catch the cross over audience.
I am so going to cut a Number 1 single now.
Thanks Benson, you have helped me achieve my dream of rock and roll stardom.
AMERICA ROCKS! I LOVE YOU PEOPLE!
This Wal-Mart exclusive 2 pack includes Rock N Roll Jesus CD plus bonus VH1 DVD.-Walmart.com
The rebel gave Wal Mart an exclusive on his latest..the whole package retails for 12.88 and he's bitchin' about itunes..
This song sounds like the musical equivalent of a tag cloud. Painting by numbers or the P-Diddy approach.
Wal art will sell an album called "Rock n' Roll Jesus"? And he's scared to send his kids to church...
hahahaha!
reduce. reuse. recycle. regurgitate. reiterate falsely patriotic catchephrases at the encouragement of criminal officals that prefer to be diligenty decisive without having the least bit of intellectual nor factual curiosity. reinforce innocent images often wrongly associated with political positions irrelevant to aiding the cause of the subjects of those images. rely on the talent around you. refuse to educate yourself in your field nor of the depth of the politics you feel rather comfortable spouting off to large, impressionable crowds. replenish your stock of evian water. aaaand recline comfortably at your mtv-worthy "crib."
these things are NOT rock and roll.
Kid Rock?
or
Kid Schlock.