Exclusive! Paris Hilton's Prison Diary
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Artist:
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Track:Riot In Sun-Block Factor Nine
*THE NIGHT BEFORE*This sucks. MTV Movie Awards were pretty cool, but while all my friends are off to the Pirates Of The Caribbean after-party, I'm on the other side of the freeway heading for a place called the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood. Weird-looking building, always thought it was an outlet mall when I've driven by in the past. Mind you, my vision was a bit blurry at the time (tee-hee!).
*DAY ONE*Had to have a mug shot taken when I got here. Did what I was always advised to do, ie turn away from the camera and look back over my left shoulder. Photo lady went crazy. Jeez! What a diva! It's not as if she's one of those famous picture gals, like Annie Liebfraumilch or Diane Airbrush. Had to get my hair cut after that, and they were soooooo quick! There wasn't even enough time for anyone to bring me a latte or some mango juice. Things went from bad to worse when I got to my room and realised that the staff had forgotten to leave a mint on the pillow.*DAY TWO*Escape plan now in some jeopardy. Had drawn an elaborate plot paving my way to freedom on my midriff, just like that cute guy on TV, but it's gone now. No one told me that henna tattoos wash off when you shower. Still intent on getting a rilly cool jailhouse tat, though. Bertha, the large lady from a few cells down, did the honours with a burning needle and some boot polish. Boy, did that hurt! I kept telling her, "That's hot!", but she just chuckled: "Hyuk, hyuk, I always love it when you say that, Paris."*DAY THREE*The guard laughed at me when I asked for an Absolut Citron shot at mealtime. What's the big deal? It's not like I brought my car keys with me. Also, I don't know why people think that Johnny Cash song, A Boy Named Sue, is so great. I've met about four inmates called Sue and I reckon they're all boys.*DAY FOUR*Mom and dad are pretty pissed they can't come and see me, because I've already allocated all of my visitor passes for Yolanda. I told her, "Jeez, mom, I'm in prison! Do you really expect me to go 23 days without seeing my manicurist?". Personally, I think mom and dad should be in here with me. I know for a fact that the authorities let families stay together behind bars. Just look at those Manson girls.*DAY FIVE*Have I mentioned how tiny my cell is? This whole block's smaller than the dressing rooms on Rodeo, come to think of it. My doggies are in better kennels than I am! Still, I know I'm strong and brave and brilliant. I'll see this through. It's the fifth day of a 23-day sentence - only another 12 to go!
*DAY ONE*Had to have a mug shot taken when I got here. Did what I was always advised to do, ie turn away from the camera and look back over my left shoulder. Photo lady went crazy. Jeez! What a diva! It's not as if she's one of those famous picture gals, like Annie Liebfraumilch or Diane Airbrush. Had to get my hair cut after that, and they were soooooo quick! There wasn't even enough time for anyone to bring me a latte or some mango juice. Things went from bad to worse when I got to my room and realised that the staff had forgotten to leave a mint on the pillow.*DAY TWO*Escape plan now in some jeopardy. Had drawn an elaborate plot paving my way to freedom on my midriff, just like that cute guy on TV, but it's gone now. No one told me that henna tattoos wash off when you shower. Still intent on getting a rilly cool jailhouse tat, though. Bertha, the large lady from a few cells down, did the honours with a burning needle and some boot polish. Boy, did that hurt! I kept telling her, "That's hot!", but she just chuckled: "Hyuk, hyuk, I always love it when you say that, Paris."*DAY THREE*The guard laughed at me when I asked for an Absolut Citron shot at mealtime. What's the big deal? It's not like I brought my car keys with me. Also, I don't know why people think that Johnny Cash song, A Boy Named Sue, is so great. I've met about four inmates called Sue and I reckon they're all boys.*DAY FOUR*Mom and dad are pretty pissed they can't come and see me, because I've already allocated all of my visitor passes for Yolanda. I told her, "Jeez, mom, I'm in prison! Do you really expect me to go 23 days without seeing my manicurist?". Personally, I think mom and dad should be in here with me. I know for a fact that the authorities let families stay together behind bars. Just look at those Manson girls.*DAY FIVE*Have I mentioned how tiny my cell is? This whole block's smaller than the dressing rooms on Rodeo, come to think of it. My doggies are in better kennels than I am! Still, I know I'm strong and brave and brilliant. I'll see this through. It's the fifth day of a 23-day sentence - only another 12 to go!
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