A Musical So Bad It Devastated A Nation
We've all been there; stuck watching some cornball musical where you have to feign interest because everyone else is into it. Then you think there's a possibility it might have a Mel Brooks edge where it's funny, witty or at least relevant and that maybe the references are so cutting edge if you don't get them you have to act like you do to not seem like a total prick. Reminds me of the first time my mom made me watch the Sound Of Music when I was a kid. At first I thought, "what is this crap," but much like The Ten Commandments; it grows on you becasue you only watch it once a year with someone you care about who enjoys it.
Musicals are a funny lot. They have a polarizing effect; some people love them and find them to be cultured enterainment while others would call the previously mentioned demographic "fags." Without further adieu, I share with you a musical so bad it not only had this polarizing effect, but nearly crippled a nation: Leonardo The Musical: A Portrait Of Love.
LTM was the brainchild of Duke Minks, a former roadie of the 60's pop group Unit 4 + 2. It's a story loosely built around Leonardo da Vinci's creation of the Mona Lisa. From what I've been able to gather: Da Vinci knocks up the Mona Lisa model, who leaves to rejoin her husband who scorns her so she returns to Da Vinci. Later, the husband comes back to find the two and accidentally kills Da Vinci. The plot also suggests that Leonardo was a bisexual. So it's basically a story of what we've all suspected Leonardo to be all along: a steamy sex pot of a man.
Red-tailed Tropicbird as found on Nauru
But our story doesn't begin at some roadie's bird-brained idea for a musical. It beings on the tiny (8.1 square mi) island nation of Nauru located in Micronesia. Nauru's economy depends almost entirely on the phosphate deposits that originate from generations of bird shit. In the 1980's, the economy peaked when the once rich deposits were strip-mined. Currently, the island suffers from a nearly 90% unemployment rate of its roughly 15k citizen.
Phosphorous Mining On Nauru; that's a lot of shit!
The local leaders knew they had to diversify their economic efforts from the bird dropping to maintain the island's integrity. They were looking for ways to invest the money it had saved through the years from the mining developers, this precious capital with no renewable avenues. When a man by the name of Duke Minks came along with an idea for an investment opportunity, the leader jumped at it. The Nauru trust invested £2 million in Mink's scheme: to put his production on its feet and take it to the London Theatre. What followed was one of the worst disasters in the history of theater (if you don't cont the times a theater would catch fire and kill everyone inside). The critics ripped it apart and there's no report on what, if any return to the people of Nauru.
A rather large man catching fish in Nauru
Nauru today:
With the bird shit mines all closing down, the island is reportedly dependant on external assistance. Out of the few who are employed on the island, 95% of them work for the government. From 2005-2006 the only air line offering service to the island closed their doors leaving the Nauruians isolated other than by sea.
The idea of leaving the nation entirely has yet to be taken off the table. Many have left for New Zealand.
While it's inappropriate to blame the failure of Mink's musical on the plight of the people of Nauru, one thing is certain: roadies generally don't know (bird) shit about musicals.
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Comments (8)
Wow, this is quite an epic load of shit! hahahaha I'd love to see this musical since I love cheesy musicals. Most bad musicals have something to redeem themselves but then again it would depend on who was producing/directing the show too.
Sad that this island country is so destitute. . . . I'd not even heard of it before now. Fascinating.
OMG. That's sad and amazing at the same time.
Whenever we come across one of those latte-sipping environmentalist elitists blathering about imposing government regulations on wealth-creating soil-use, tell him, "strip-mine, baby, strip-mine!" I bet the island's leader agreed to a percentage of the musical's net rather than its gross. In this case it seems that both were bupkis.
And I thought this was going to be about Peter Frampton in that shitty Sgt. Pepper movie.
That was either the saddest story ever, on so many levels, or one of the greatest setups to a joke ever.
I recall hearing about Nauru's shaky economic situation over the years, and the bumbling efforts of the government to invest in something of value. Locally, there's the Nauru Tower, which was one of these overseas investments that did work...for a while. Let's hope that Guano mining didn't mess up Nauru's reefs too badly; eco tourism may be one of the bright spots in their future.
Capitalism sucks all the wealth out and pays once, has no system to regulate no compensate.
Dont send them to New Zealand, right now our farmers are sucking all our fertility out and exporting the milk products over seas, many of our farmers dont live on the land, they are not farmers they are money managers. We import low quality dairy and meat products and export all out good stuff. Jesus threw the money lenders out of the temple a long time ago, clever man!
Horrible! : X Great post by the way!!
Just came across this post and thought I would add my thoughts... I actually saw Leonardo the Musical... I caught a matinee performance and if I remember correctly the ticket was dramtically reduced at the box office itself. When I went in I realised why... There were only half a dozen or so people sat in the stalls and a couple of people up in the circle.
I had read the reviews before hand but I tend to ignore those as I have seen some pretty good shows in the past that the reviewers have slagged to pieces. I have to say that I really enjoyed the show and remember it being a fun show to watch.
There's always some issues when any new musical opens (even Andrew Lloyd Webber doesn't get it right straight off) and I think that because of the source of the financing behind this show it was particularly easy for the critics to slam it.
If the show ever resurfaces I would certainly pay it another visit.
Alistair Langston
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