Out, out, damn celebrity... and Kiss the Honey, Honey
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Artist:
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Album:Kiss the Honey, Honey E.P.
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Track:Kiss the Honey, Honey
This song has nothing to do with this post, however, the below wax-cylinder/electronic pop confection is from the most recent Shinjuku Zulu e.p. "Kiss the Honey, Honey":http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?id=267459458&s=143441 so have a listen while you read the below rant:Celebrities are like cock-a-roaches, they are everywhere and you can't get rid of them. (Scott Baio, Hulk Hogan, Anna Nicole Smith, anyone?) In post-apocalyptic America-- which, say, should be sometime in the next year or so-- I suspect there will be nothing left but celebrities scurrying around the ruined cities.To which I exclaim, in the tone of Lady MacBeth trying to wash out bloodstains-- or perhaps more accurately like Father Merrin trying to exorcize the spirit possessing Regan in The Exorcist: Out out, damn celebrity; I cast you out of my [fill in the blank].More precisely:I don't want celebrities in my magazine. I cast you out of that car ad in Vanity Fair, Uma Thurman!I don't want celebrities in my tv ads . I cast you out of that Chrysler ad, Celine Dion, and out, out of that Ford voiceover, Kiefer Sutherland; and stop shilling pizza slices, Donald Trump! I don't want celebrities in my underwear. Out, out, David Beckham, of my Armani I don't want celebrities in my religion. And by religion I mean "cash-grabbing-banned-in-Germany-science-fiction cult":http://www.xenu.net/. And by "my", I mean "not mine". I cast you out, Tom Cruise, Will Smith, John Travolta... (BTW, Have a look at Tom's crazy eyes in this "$cientology promo/indoctro vid":http://gawker.com/5002269/the-cruise-indoctrination-video-scientology-tried-to-suppress
I don't want celebrities in my psychiatric health care. (Here again, I say I cast you out, Tom Cruise-- i.e. don't prescribe depression coping-techniques till you A) have your PhD or B) physically give birth yourself. Which perhaps, as you become Scientologist Sea Dog Numero Uno Ultra Theta, you will be able to do. (Or is it that what graduates of the other "sci-fi cult can do?":http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raëlism )Anyway...I don't want celebrities in my children's "books":http://books.guardian.co.uk/departments/childrenandteens/story/0,,1938506,00.html. Sigh... Out, out, Madonna, Paul McCartney, Madonna, Kylie Minogue, Madonna... I don't want celebrities in my art galleries ( "Tony Bennet":http://www.benedettoarts.com/Artwork/Skyscapes/w2132/Skyscapes.html , "Tony Curtis":http://tonycurtis.com/node/58 , "Leonard Cohen":http://www.richardgoodallgallery.com/contemporaryart/Leonard-Cohen-Art/c10/p23/hydra-table-%231/product_info.html, that dude from the "Rolling Stones":http://www.ronniewood.com/DisplayArtwork.aspx?ArtworkID=175, "Sylvester Stallone":http://www.imagemakersart.com/stallone-01.html Out, out, out! I don't want celebrities in my purses, my dresses, my yoga pants, my lipstick. Okay, I won't admit to actually having any of those, but you get the idea. Out, out and stop "designing" things Paris Hilton, Jennifer Lopez, Kate Moss, Victoria Beckham, Christy Turlington, Sarah Jessica Parker etc. I don't want celebrities in my politics. I cast you out, "Enron-loving Arnold Schwarzenegger!":http://www.projectcensored.org/Publications/2005/13.html I don't even want celebrities in my reality-tv show. (Celebrity Apprentice. Out, out, all of you, especially you, Gene "Hair-Like-a-Samurai-Helmet" Simmons! 
And especially, celebrities, get out of my blog. This very post, and "this one":http://mog.com/Shinjuku_Zulu/blog_post/121861 )I mean, really, is there anywhere a celebrity won't show up next for money or attention? I swear I saw Paris Hilton in my local and very crowded Chinese restaurant scurrying around (albiet looking greener, and with more legs than I remember). Maybe she was looking to see if anyone had an appearance fee for her? I don't read celeb gossip mags or watch "TMZ":http://www.tmz.com or read "Gawker":http://gawker.com, and yet still I know which celebrity has shaved this/that part of their body-- I'm miles away from the riot, but my eyes are still watering from the drift of the tear gas. And when a blogger who looks like a beardless, purple-haired version of the comic guy from the Simpsons can himself become a "celebrity":http://perezhilton.com/ just by jotting down gossip about celebrities... well, the end is nigh. Which, as I said before, if fine with the celebrities, as surely only they and the cockroaches will survive the end-times. Especially if, like Tom Cruise, they "build a bunker":http://blog.wired.com/defense/2007/10/tom-cruises-10m.htmlFINAL THOUGHT: There is one place I would like to see celebrities: in combat. Imagine if Britney were doing her third tour of duty in Iraq, fighting to defend those oil wells for "American corporations":http://news.independent.co.uk/world/middle_east/article2132574.ece Maybe then more people would talk about what's really happening in the world.
I don't want celebrities in my psychiatric health care. (Here again, I say I cast you out, Tom Cruise-- i.e. don't prescribe depression coping-techniques till you A) have your PhD or B) physically give birth yourself. Which perhaps, as you become Scientologist Sea Dog Numero Uno Ultra Theta, you will be able to do. (Or is it that what graduates of the other "sci-fi cult can do?":http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raëlism )Anyway...I don't want celebrities in my children's "books":http://books.guardian.co.uk/departments/childrenandteens/story/0,,1938506,00.html. Sigh... Out, out, Madonna, Paul McCartney, Madonna, Kylie Minogue, Madonna... I don't want celebrities in my art galleries ( "Tony Bennet":http://www.benedettoarts.com/Artwork/Skyscapes/w2132/Skyscapes.html , "Tony Curtis":http://tonycurtis.com/node/58 , "Leonard Cohen":http://www.richardgoodallgallery.com/contemporaryart/Leonard-Cohen-Art/c10/p23/hydra-table-%231/product_info.html, that dude from the "Rolling Stones":http://www.ronniewood.com/DisplayArtwork.aspx?ArtworkID=175, "Sylvester Stallone":http://www.imagemakersart.com/stallone-01.html Out, out, out! I don't want celebrities in my purses, my dresses, my yoga pants, my lipstick. Okay, I won't admit to actually having any of those, but you get the idea. Out, out and stop "designing" things Paris Hilton, Jennifer Lopez, Kate Moss, Victoria Beckham, Christy Turlington, Sarah Jessica Parker etc. I don't want celebrities in my politics. I cast you out, "Enron-loving Arnold Schwarzenegger!":http://www.projectcensored.org/Publications/2005/13.html I don't even want celebrities in my reality-tv show. (Celebrity Apprentice. Out, out, all of you, especially you, Gene "Hair-Like-a-Samurai-Helmet" Simmons! And especially, celebrities, get out of my blog. This very post, and "this one":http://mog.com/Shinjuku_Zulu/blog_post/121861 )I mean, really, is there anywhere a celebrity won't show up next for money or attention? I swear I saw Paris Hilton in my local and very crowded Chinese restaurant scurrying around (albiet looking greener, and with more legs than I remember). Maybe she was looking to see if anyone had an appearance fee for her? I don't read celeb gossip mags or watch "TMZ":http://www.tmz.com or read "Gawker":http://gawker.com, and yet still I know which celebrity has shaved this/that part of their body-- I'm miles away from the riot, but my eyes are still watering from the drift of the tear gas. And when a blogger who looks like a beardless, purple-haired version of the comic guy from the Simpsons can himself become a "celebrity":http://perezhilton.com/ just by jotting down gossip about celebrities... well, the end is nigh. Which, as I said before, if fine with the celebrities, as surely only they and the cockroaches will survive the end-times. Especially if, like Tom Cruise, they "build a bunker":http://blog.wired.com/defense/2007/10/tom-cruises-10m.htmlFINAL THOUGHT: There is one place I would like to see celebrities: in combat. Imagine if Britney were doing her third tour of duty in Iraq, fighting to defend those oil wells for "American corporations":http://news.independent.co.uk/world/middle_east/article2132574.ece Maybe then more people would talk about what's really happening in the world.
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