and they called me The Jukebox Bomber
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Artist:
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Track:
I awoke this morning craving two things.
- A sandwich
- Terrorism
I was going to commit an atrocious crime, and why not take out two birds with one stone? MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
The idea, and I've been meaning to do this for a long time, was to spoil someone's lunch with terrible music blasting over the loud speakers of a restaurant. I knew the local pizza place had a jukebox, and killer subs (turkey club). I ordered my samich, and made sure to get it "TO GO. IF you know what I mean." The lady behind the counter did not. No matter. I had ten minutes to wait, plenty of time to plan.
Time for some recon.
What to choose, what to choose. Pink? ...maybe. Christina Aguilera? I'm not a monster. It was at this point I started noticing all the people around me. The kids. There WILL be casualties. Keep it together Sam. I must stay focused. Think of the 72 indie virgins that wait for you in the afterlife, and damnit they better be female virgins.
What's this?
Boo-ya-ka-sha
Kenny G's Breathless. Oh and they will be left... breathless. The girl brought me my lunch, and I said farewell. Little did she know, I meant it all too real.
I fed the machine a dollar and began to enter the self-destruct code. 1-5-0-2. I only had a few seconds before "Forever In Love" melted my ears off, so I made a dash for the door. Knocking over grannies in the salad bar and stepping on children, I realized I didn't have enough time. Grabbing hold of my gourmet bagged meal, I jumped onto a nearby table and out the window. As glass shards rained down upon me I heard the screams of innocents. What have I done? Damn I'm hungry.
Locating MOG account...
Comments (15)
That's just mean, man.
Who knew you had it in you? Great post! And love the comedy routine, tff. Who is that? Poor Kenny G.
Also the pic w/you w/the 'stache is hilarious. You look more like a silent movie villain than terrorist though, haha.
Excellent Rancid song too, forgot about that one!
That is awesome...When CD jukeboxes first came out, I did a little experiment of my own when I noticed a juke had the Allman Bros. Eat A Peach, with it's 32 minute Mountain Jams. I definitely got value for my two songs for a dollar. An hours worth of value. It was interesting to see how uncomfortable folks got when the tune went on and on and on..
You really are a scientist! Well done.
We used to do this at Waffle House's in Atlanta with the unbearable "Proud To Be An American" by Lee Greenwood. The nice thing about WH was that everything was 25 cents, so we'd stick $5 in and just keep plugging it in. Eventually they'd unplug the jukebox. They must've been communists.
dale: i prefer diabolical.
aug: thats actually what i was going for. old timey global terror. the comedian is mike birbiglia, i think annie posted a bunch of his stuff on the dark side.
cody: this one was 3 songs for a dollar. and as you can imagine, all kenny. all the time.
ty: i did something very similar at a job i had in high school. my friend and i put the top gun soundtrack in the stereo and duck taped it shut. play. repeat.
pure evil you are, sam.
but hilarious.
way to terrorize the children. it may have cost you a dollar, but they're out thousands in therapy.
looks like you need to borrow contrabandwidth's outfit!!! bad, bad boy!! LOLOL!!
Rancid ... sweet! :)
Well you succeeded swimmingly on being a villain. Thx for the comic info. not heard of him. I'll check on the dark side.
yes! swimmingly. good word. no no no. top droor. good show. elementary!
you know i need an old time evil alter ego (good band name btw) where i can use these words to full effect.
Now you're sounding like Sherlock Holmes there ol' chap. That would make a good band name(OTEAE). No shit Sherlock! hehe
The horror. The horror.
That's pure evil genius sir.
Great story, Sam. What if it turns out to be a chilling tale of the unknown and dreadful? You turn to look back as you emerge into the squinting daylight and see that, instead of holding thier ears and screaming, everyone in the room is groovin'!!!! Bwwwooohahaha! Didididididididi. Dadadada! ... Dadadada!
bro, you make me laugh.
Only problem now is that I can't take you back to Round Tables again...they have your picture posted on every wall.
Though I think they were asking for it, why else would they put all that crappy music in those machines if they weren't masochists?
Be careful what you set in motion. (There Will Be Blood!):
in a word, you should be shot