for the friend I seem to have lost
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It amazes me how easily people can cast others out of their lives and not seem to think anything of it. This summer I lost a close friend, no reason given for the ending of our friendship just a stoppage of all communication and I am left to wonder why. I never understood why people do this, there are other facotrs in the equation when it comes to a relationship. Yet, it seems to happen to me more than most, I sometimes think it is me but in reality I never know. All was good tonight until I saw this video, it made a lot of those questions flood my brain and once again I am left wondering what happened. The song comes from one of my least favorite albums by the band, yet it also happens to be one of my favorite they ever recorded. Weird times indeed.
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Comments (23)
Coop, you know this tune rocks.
Oh yeah.
Is that Tegan or Sara singing in the vid? It is a great song. Sorry to hear about your friend. Shit happens & sometimes it's just easier for people to make a clean break than try to explain. It's not right but it happens.
^ditto
tea or sara?!! and why not both!? :)
This has happened with me too, Coop, but with my sister and only sibling. She decided to cut out the entire family without explaining wny to anyone. Neither her husband or children (one is just out of college, one still in) communicate with us, either, though they're presumably free to. There are only some hints as to the reason behind this, and they don't reflect well on her values, so I try not to think about them. It sucks.
:(
There is a saying that is a bit of a cliche, but that doesn't make it untrue. Its point is that someone gets stops being a friend, he/she was never a friend to begin with. I've experienced the situation myself, and I always find a weird type of consolation in that saying.
Here's to true friends and precious friendship moments.
I never experienced this phenomenon til the last couple of years when it happened to me a couple of times..I still don't understand it, especially when you reach out to the folks (even apologize-you don't know for what though), and you get no reply. I guess you learn to deal, but it never stops nagging at me..why?
Dug the tune.
This coming from the man who just one day upped and deleted his mog account and left us all in tears. I say it serves you right.
I dunno, man. Sometimes you just need to withdraw from everything, take a look around, and focus on yourself for a while. I do it often. Then, some people just aren't good at communicating. A girl I'm dating has stopped being friends with my best friend's girlfriend (who introduced us). Now, the story is that girl A said something about girl B to a third party that girl B didn't like, and instead of girl B taking it up with girl A, girl B just cut off all communication. Could be something like that.
Or, maybe you just stink. :p
Love the tune.
This happens to me all the time, only with a twist: people I was friends with in college track me down either through my father or the internet, make extreme efforts to get together, we do and then never touch base again.
Do they not like what I've become or are they embarrassed by what they've become?!
somewhere through high school, from the beginning to the end, i lost all of my close friends except two. i dont know what happened, we still hang out, but something has changed. its not the same dynamic. i dont trust them with secrets anymore. not that they ever told any, but i feel like they just cant relate to me and i cant relate to them.
I was listening to a buddhist podcast last night (not to be confused with abuddhistpodcast.com) and it was talking about the Eightfold Path, one of which is Right Speech. He said something that made my ears perk up, about how language is such a strong thing - that you can spend years cultivating a friendship, and destroy it with one sentence.
I'm sure it doesn't apply here, but it was something that definitely made me think.
Sorry, do I know you?
Sorry to hear that Kevin. I've reconnected with a lot of old buds over the past year. I even patched things up with someone who I didn't talk to for 15 years. I got one old friend who was very close to me that I found online and hasn't responded to me. Like you, there is no reason for us not to talk.
I am, glad you liked. Been waiting to see this video since I first heard the song
August - It is weird, and I still would like to know what exactly happened
Sam - I would go with both as well, pretty cute in my books
Ivy - that is tough, and strange. I think the hardest thing is not knowing why
Anna - Thanks, and your words have gone through my head many a night. I have always felt a true friend would at least tell you what was up, not just stop communications all together.
Cody - It has happened to me more than once and I have always felt it was because I have the nice guy thing going for me. Either way, I am glad you like the music
Troy - Leave it to you to put me in my place. Do I need to get my balls out again...........DO I?
Mistress - That is weird, to make the effort and then fall short. I would go with the second of the two, I would bet you are pretty keen.
Summer - I have lost touch with all my old high school mates. I think part of that reason was because I dated my high school girlfriend for 7 years and after the break up I wanted nothing to do with any of it.
Sam - loved reading that, and it is so incredibly true it stings. With this there was no exchange of words, just me sending emails never got returned. Then one day no more email address, and that was it
Neill - I think you do, I was the guy who went off on one of your posts after a bad day at home. Sorry man
RGM - I sometimes think people take the easy road and that is to not put the effort needed into a good friendship. I dont understand though, if someone took the time to track me down I would at least give them the courtesy of an email back
No it doesnt happen to you more than most.
This brought a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes = see my post
couldnt get the vid to work so ...
No, its not what we meant to say.
We don’t really love each other.
What happens when the summer’s over?
How long before distance becomes a chore?
Im approaching with great, great trepidation.
I hope you’ll understand.
Before you speak think about what your trying to say.
Who else is there to blame for miscommunication?
Your getting caught up in the excitement.
You making promises you can’t keep.
You need to leave all your options open.
Too much momentum.
This room feels like its going to explode.
Too many angles.
Too many factors to cover.
Waiting for signal.
Your searching for network.
You have to fight to stay in control of the situation.
Anxiety, Anxiety you give me no mercy.
Grind my teeth smoothe and flat in my sleep.
We took some pills to calm us down.
Then we needed help to come back up.
Just trying to stay in control of the situation.
Too much momentum.
This room feels like its going to explode.
Too many angles.
Too many factors to cover.
Waiting for signal.
Your searching for network.
You have to fight to stay in control of the situation.
They fall apart so easily.
Too much momentum.
This room feels like its going to expolde.
Too many angles.
Too many factors to cover.
Waiting for signal.
Your searching for network.
You have to fight to stay in control.
You have to fight to stay in control.
No, you don’t have to fight to stay in control of the situation.
thanks rawk x
:)
Seems this post struck a chord with many of us and I'm no exception. A couple of years ago I discovered the person I held as my best friend without exception, the woman who stood next to me as I married, the one who held the hand my husband wasn't holding while I suffered through childbirth, the one I always knew I could count on no matter what, was talking behind my back, telling lies and (worse) confidential truths to the people my husband and I knew. It seemed that she was trying to break up my marriage and I couldn't understand why until recently, when she divorced herself; I think she wanted to be single, together--2 single women having the time of their lives, bar hopping and chasing men. She didn't seem to care that I was happily married, that I love my husband or that my children would be damaged by her actions. I had to cut ties with her, to save myself. It still hurts.
But I've come to believe (through way too much time thinking about it) that I was trusting her to be the friend I am...the type of friend that values truth, loyalty, and honor above everything. I was projecting myself onto her, and she wasn't upto it. :(
Anna is right. Just because you were a good friend to this person, doesn't mean they were the same to you. Trust me, it happens that way.
And, I'll be your friend.
Rawk, I am sorry for your loss and it is a loss, but not the kind we usually are given permission to mourn...it's so difficult when questions are left unanswered and reasons are unclear. All I can say is... give that extra attention left over from the absent friend to the people who are there for you and who are beloved to you.
Amber - thank you for posting here, its weird to think how many people have gone through something like this. When it happens to you, you can not help but think it is only you and I think that is what stings the most.
Ongoingly - I know exactly what you are saying, and it is what I intend to do. I have always been the kind of person to keep a handful of great friends around, rather than a huge group of associates. I think what hurts me is that now my close circle is that much smaller, and I wonder if there will ever be anyone to fill that void.
Okay, you asked for it: (i especially think the Father of OUR Country makes a good point: (and the Dame Edna and Virginia Woolf are there to make you laugh!)
Books, like friends, should be few and well chosen. (dunno who said this one!)
I have lost friends, some by death, others through sheer inability to cross the street.
~ Virginia Woolf
I have lost friends, some by death, others through sheer inability to cross the street.
That one made me smile!
i know. she was so dead-pan! glad you got even a little a smile on ya!
maybe you should ask the friend. maybe the friend misses you, or maybe there needs to be things said. maybe the easy road you think was easy was the hardest thing they ever did, and maybe they regret the choice and do not know how to say they were wrong.
I wish I could have stayed in contact with friends too. I, unfortunately don't have contact with anyone I knew in college or high school. I wish I did. I just moved around too much.
Similar to you I tried to contact a college friend that I found the email to 20 years later, but he showed 0% interest in even talking. People suck, dude.