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Puffmagic
Puffmagic
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Thank Xenu it's Friday!

Posted over 3 years ago
As I sit today, at my desk, eating "Good & Plenty":http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Good_%26_Plenty by the fistfull, I am given pause by the arrival of a choice nugget of greasy news that lands upon my desk. My fiancee's dad has a large piece of property in the country that he's been trying to sell. Last week a very wealthyman approached him and made a counter bid against a fellow who had already offered $1.1million for the land. The incentive was that Jenny's dad would get to remain on the property for 5 years as caretaker, get the money sooner and get the additional 100 thou he'd asked for. The news was that the deal has basically gone through and in about 30 days Jenny's dad will have his first $600,000. Originally the plan was that he'd give us a substantial downpayment on a house from the profit on the land, Jenny being his only heir and all. Now the idea is that Dad buys us a house and we pay him rent. I'm not sure how much I like that idea in it's current form, it would deny us the deed and subsequent equity from owning the house and would give him the foothold he'd like to be able to live with us for "our financial benifit" as he's suggested before. What I'd prefer is he puts up the downpayment and we pay the mortgage as normal, being forever grateful for his gift but no longer in his direct debt. I'm hoping we can come to some amicable agreement and be able to get into a house before our baby is born. This is my hope.Am I right in being wary and thinking the deal needs restructuring or am I looking a gift horse in the mouth? I dunno, I just know I hate being in someone's pocket.
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Comments (14)

  1. Dave
    Dave says Dman, save some of those for Choo Choo Charlie over here. I'm all out.
    Permalink posted 09/08/2006
  2. mcdermott
    mcdermott says having your in-law as a landlord could definitely lead to some issues down the road....i think you're right, it would be MUCH better to have him gift you the downpayment while you take care of the mortgage. but i have no idea how you bring that one up...good luck
    Permalink posted 09/08/2006
  3. Puffmagic
    Puffmagic says Thanks, McD. He's a good guy but he can be kinda irrational at times, for example, he's never understood why Jenny and I wouldn't want to move into his tiny house with him after we're married even though he wouldn't charge us rent. He also thinks that if George Bush weren't president we'd all be getting tortured and killed by terrorists right now. So, there you go.
    Permalink posted 09/08/2006
  4. mcdermott
    mcdermott says all the more reason not to have him as landlord. Because at any point, he can just tell you guys that he wants you to do something his way or it's the highway. And you really have no recourse there. Plus, it messes up a relationship.... can you tell i went to law school? ugh
    Permalink posted 09/08/2006
  5. Puffmagic
    Puffmagic says I don't think it will be a big issue, it's not like he's giving us an ultimatum, and it's all still hypothetical until he has the money and we pick out the house.
    Permalink posted 09/08/2006
  6. ladyfizzgig
    ladyfizzgig says Yeah, you should definitely not get into anything you don't feel comfortable with. No need having the added stress of being unhappy with the living situation with a baby on the way. Just makes me glad my mother is trying to get rid of me. ;)
    Permalink posted 09/08/2006
  7. Jess Horrible
    Jess Horrible says I have to say that, tempting as the deal sounds, and difficult though it may be to go against your father in law, it's probably best to avoid having him as your landlord. I don't know anything about the man, possibly he's a prince, but having just gotten out of a relationship with a guy who had control issues... I have to say that it's best not to let your wife's father have something he can hold over your head. Odds are it WILL come back to haunt you. Unfortunately, very few people give favors without expecting a return. Add to that the fact that you are his daughter's fiance and father of his grandchild... it's a loaded situation for even the most reasonable, level-headed family. Down payment is best. It's a suitable gift, and one that you don't have to keep repaying on a monthly basis for what could potentially be a very long time. It's worth it to stand up to him now, for everyone's sake in the long term.
    Permalink posted 09/08/2006
  8. Puffmagic
    Puffmagic says Thanks people. Just to be clear, I have no problem standing up to him, or more specifically, Jenny has no problem standing up to him. I'm sure he'll be agreeable to the downpayment option and everything will be fine. Nice to hear some feedback affirming my ideals, however.
    Permalink posted 09/08/2006
  9. Dale
    Dale says Dunno, I'd be weirded out too. I like to keep my in-laws at arm's length, or they get WAY too involved in our lives.
    Permalink posted 09/08/2006
  10. Wanbli
    Wanbli says I would take an old school Italian familia approach to a situation like this. I would take the offer and have a sit-down mano y mano, without your wife. The reason being is that as you mention she is his only heir and I am sure as in most father/daughter unconditional love and his doing anything she asked him are both reasonable to assume. Her presence in these negotiations will only have more emotional results and when dealing with family and money it is best to take a logical approach. When you said "I dunno, I just know I hate being in someone’s pocket." it sounds as if pride is an issue in accepting this generous offer. Unfortunately there are far too many people who have no family or family they could accept an offer like this from. In many ways you and your wife are blessed. When you have this talk be upfront about accepting the favor and offer a direct repayment of the favor in some form. Then follow through on your behalf and this debt will be settled to appease your pride. My only caveat here, is that you and your wife decide ahead of time that no matter what happens, nothing relating to this will come between you. It is all too true and all too sad that $ has come between many a family. You must have trust that it will not be a divisive factor in your family. No matter what you decide, good luck.
    Permalink posted 09/08/2006
  11. Puffmagic
    Puffmagic says I appreciate your wisdom Wanbli, as well as your masterful use of the word "caveat".
    Permalink posted 09/08/2006
  12. Wanbli
    Wanbli says edit my post to say "wife to be" :)
    Permalink posted 09/08/2006
  13. tybees
    tybees says I have no insight to your predicament, but the title of your post gave me a good laugh...
    Permalink posted 09/08/2006
  14. chucky
    chucky says My two cents from personal experience: get the house in your name. You don't want to be living with a parent (or parent in law) because they have a tendency to forget you are an adult among other problems. If he gives the downpayment as a gift, accept it graciously. But, if he's using it as lever, then forgo the house for now.
    Permalink posted 09/11/2006

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