Party Pose

Posts by Party Pose

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Oh, and by the way...
over 4 years ago

I'm a man. Roll that up and smoke it, baby.

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That's what I'm talking about.
over 4 years ago

Him: Who are you dancing with?Me: Excuse me?Him: That guy. Who is he?Me: Oh! I'm sorry! Do you want me to introduce you?Him: No. I want to know if he's your boyfriend.Me: Oh, no! We're just good friends.Him: You're dancing like you're in Basic Instinct.Me: I dance like a coke-addled bisexual murderess?Him: No, just hot and heavy.Me: Do you want a drink?Him: I was about to ask you that question.Me:

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On the floor again.
over 4 years ago

I'm screwing a guy who I think of as a friend, and he wants to date me. I want to date his friend. I can't stop purchasing Nina Simone records, and I'm afraid of dying like a certain character recently did in "Weeds." I'm keeping my bananas handy. It's hard to feign confidence when I feel like I have multiple strikes against me. I can buy FW0708 Vivienne Westwood accessories online all I want, but

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Dig that shit outta my big toe, honey.
over 4 years ago

Me: I need a pedicure like mad.Her: I'd be up for that on Monday. Me: After work?Her: Yeah, like a 5:30 affair.Me: Sounds like a plan. I've gone about a decade thinking I was too nice to ever subject a person to my feet, but now I just don't give a fuck.Her: Tip nicely.Me: I should be able to give a purple heart for that shit.Her: (Laughs.)Me: One of my feet is nearly half a size larger than the o

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Alignment.
over 4 years ago

I picture giant, three-dimensional scissors. I watch them cut cut cut.I see the effect my hair has on people.Sharply dressed, perfectly coiffed. My eyes.My fingers.I can tell when they don't want to discuss it, but feel they must. Over hair.Over eyes. Over fingers.The knowledge I accumulate makes me adult.It makes me adult because I feel adult.For the first time in my life, I feel sexy. I've looke

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Did I ask you to put your finger there?
over 4 years ago

I wanted to get a burrito, but I made the mistake of calling my friend en route to the joint and being saddled with her carrying on over the pathetic state of her current relationship. I wound up driving all over this city and watching as every eating establishment flicked off their "OPEN" signs. What was I supposed to do? Fake diarrhea? "Baby, I'd really like to ask you why your boyfriend didn't

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Gutted.
almost 5 years ago

I heard "Like A Rolling Stone" on the radio today (Me listening to radio? Decent music on the radio? 2007?), and I sat there and absorbed it all. To be honest, I parody Bob Dylan more than I actually listen to him. My impersonation of Patsy Stone doing the "Tiiiiiime is liiiiike a rubber baaaaaaand" bit is immaculate, if I say so myself. Back to the subject. I was thinking about if the song was re

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Sharon Tate.
almost 5 years ago

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I love it in my ass.
almost 5 years ago

The doctor could tell without the results of the culture that I probably had strep. My throat looked that lovely. She gave me the option of medication (three pills a day for ten days) or a shot. I figured I could barely swallow, so the shot it would be. I had no idea it would be administered by a 27-year-old male nurse and his gorgeous (and younger) intern in Buzz Lightyear scrubs. I could've died

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Perfection.
almost 5 years ago

Think about it. It's a gorgeous hot August night. Your phone's blowing up with requests to go here and there because your twenty-something friends still get drunk on Monday nights. What would you do? The possibilities are endless.Did you answer "Lay in bed alone with strep throat" like I did? Probably not. Summer illness? The first time I've had strep since middle school? This fucking sucks. My sk

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