I didn't mean to die randomly...

I had just kinda forgotten this thing existed.

but no longer!

[I need new ways of killing time over the interweb. So sue me.]

Let's see...where am I at musically?

Last winter, I was definitely influenced by a guy I dated and kinda went down a dark, moody, artsy path musically...which is so strange, considering I had always been this pop punk chipper pogoing rockstar. And well..while I may have moved on from him and a lot of this music, well...he made me realize how ridiculously amazing Radiohead really is, and gave a few new ways to look at the music we listen to.

*A Winter Mix:hxxp://www.sendspace.com/file/pl72yw

Spring happened...and well, this was the beginning of things really changing for me. I was learning to deal with the depression and everything that had happened in October. [Ya know, the suicide attempts, basically getting kicked out of school, yadda yadda yadda] and well...the boy and I broke up over shady circumstances, and stopped speaking. I found solace in a few old friends, and a few old music habits. I was definitely in a music rut until I stumbled upon an album that really did change my life: Silverchair's newest album Young Modern.

If you haven't heard it, go out, buy it now. Tell them Burgy sent you. It won't get you a discount or anything, but tell them anyway. they'll appreciate it.

*A spring mix (which is really just Silverchair):hxxp://www.sendspace.com/file/mmzpvg

Somewhere between spring and summer...I kinda relapsed on responsibility for an evening and paid dearly for it when I got fired from Starbucks. It was honestly for the best, mostly for my mental state of being. It was hard to work there, knowing everything that had happened. It was the last link between my old life and the new life I was trying to build. So...while it sucked, I survived.

Summer happened, randomly out of nowhere. And then all of a sudden...I had a new job working at Old Navy, a new set of friends I saw on the daily, and well..another semi-life changing album dropped. It sounds super scene, but Panic at the Disco's new album is one of the most groundbreaking albums I've heard this year...in the way that it's a total throwback to the beginnings of modern rock music. Yeah, blah blah blah, they wanna be the Beatles...fuck you. No one can *BE* the Beatles. I think honestly that more bands should take this approach...get rid of ridiculous production procedures and get back to our roots of the past 50 years.

*A Summer Mix: hxxp://www.sendspace.com/file/rxslzn

Now, I'm enrolled in a school more suited for me (UMSL, which is also hella cheaper), I have a job I actually enjoy (yeah, Hot Topic is super cliche and shit, but I don't particularly care), and a small group of friends that are almost completely drama free. I've taken some major steps in removing stress from my life and getting my shit under control. I never did end up going to therapy or getting put on happy pills or ECT or whatever else everyone seemed to want from me, but honestly, I wouldn't change my path to get here. I still have my minor freak outs, but everyone does. I've also worked really hard to fix my relationship with my brother, and to sever the relationship with Bob. My biggest focus in life is to remove the ridiculous unneeded negative energy that so many people thrive on. I'm volunteering for Obama's campaign here in Missouri, so next event around and about the StL, look for a sassy little black and redheaded rocker running around.

I'm more focused than ever on getting what I want out of life...I'm going back to school for writing and journalism, in hopes of getting a job doing exactly what I love to do: writing about music. So I will be investing in this tool more often, promise. I know this post was mostly personal and not really music related, but I needed to catch up the world, and well...I don't know. I mean, I'm me. A close friend of mine told me once that I let my music define me. I'm not particularly sure this is true. I think I define my music. It's all in the messages that we search for.

So...I hope you find inspiring messages in this post, and ones to come. [And I promise not to be this hokey all the fucking time.]

-burgs.

*[x->t]